Parent Job Description

The Gloves are Off Daily Funnies Parent Job Description

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    • #269949
      fosterfamily5

      parent
      job description

      position :
      mom, mommy, mama, ma
      dad, daddy, dada, pa, pop

      job description :

      long term, team players needed, for challenging
      permanent work in an
      often chaotic environment.
      candidates must possess excellent communication
      and organizational skills and be willing to work
      variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
      and frequent 24 ho ur shifts on call.
      Some overnight travel required, including trips to
      primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
      Travel expenses not reimbursed.
      Extensive courier duties also required.

      RESPONSIBILITIES :

      The rest of your life.
      Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
      until someone needs $5.
      Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
      Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
      pack mule
      and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
      in case, this time, the screams from
      the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
      Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
      such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
      and stuck zippers.
      Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
      coordinate production of multip le homework projects.
      Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
      for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
      Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
      an embarrassment the next.
      Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
      half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
      Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
      Must assume final, complete accountability for
      the quality of the end product.
      Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
      janitorial work throughout the facility.

      possibility for advancement & promotion :

      none.
      your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
      so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

      previous experience :

      none required unfortunately..
      on-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

      wages and compensation :

      get this! you pay them!
      offering frequent raises and bonuses.
      a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
      of the assumption that college will help them
      become financially independent.
      When you die, you give them whatever is left.
      The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
      you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

      benefits :

      while no health or dental insurance, no p ension,
      no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
      no stock options are offered;
      this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
      and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

      ** and a footnote ? ***
      there is no retirement — ever!!!
      if you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents!

      grandparents get to start over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • #412547
      Niddi

      whew, what a job, the pay stinks, but the benefits sure are worth it.

    • #412555
      tsgal

      So cute, but very true. I couldn’t imagine life being any other way now that I have this position……….lol

    • #412556
      suey

      I agree with Tonia….Real cute!

    • #412585
      Ms Gee

      Wow, what a job. The best in the world. Thanks.

    • #412634
      Tarrien

      I’ll have to think about this job before asking for an application…

    • #412655
      gidget

      You never get to retire??? oh no!!!!

    • #412710
      faxonfive

      Wow….I wouldnt change a thing…they are blessings~~

    • #412737
      FruGal

      I loved the job of raising my three children. But now that they are all grown up I do wish they would let me suffer from “empty nest syndrome”! 😉

    • #412980
      mbabb29340

      @tsgal 104134 wrote:

      So cute, but very true. I couldn’t imagine life being any other way now that I have this position……….lol

      I agree!!! There’s no other job I’d rather have!

      ~ Misty

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The Gloves are Off Daily Funnies Parent Job Description