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Taking Care Of Parents In My 20's !!!!!

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If someone would have told me that I would be the primary caregiver not only to my mother but to my husband's mother as well while I was in my 20's I would have laughed my head off. Who is laughing now ????

I just turned 26 years old have been the primary caregiver for my moter in law since I was 25. Now my mom is also living with us & she is on dialysis. Plus my mother in law can barely get around and also lives with us.

I cannot believe how very tired I am. WHile doing all this I am also a homemaker & I home school our 5 year old son !!!! I feel like I am being insensitive but this is so hard.

My husband is a good man and really helps the best that he can but he works long hours. WHen he gets home though he makes me sit on the couch and rest because he's worried I am going to give out I guess.

I know this isn't about budgeting but I just needed to let this out. Has anyone else ever went through something similar ???

I have to go cook. I am making 6 meals a day now because of my mom's special kidney diet.
Please keep me in your prayers.

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  1. wilbe95's Avatar
    This blog is for venting not just for budgeting. It is a social outlet, and if you can vent on here and survive a little longer than I believe that it is serving the purpose that Liss had in mind.

    I have not been in your situation per say, we are looking at putting the in laws into an assisted living but that is because I am just not that patient of a person to take care of my husbands parents in that way. It takes a very strong person to be able to be a primary caregiver. You should take time for yourself. Even in the medical field they are permitted time off.

    I will keep you in my thoughts. I wish you the best of luck.
  2. Liss's Avatar
    Oy, sounds like you really have your hands full. It's not a bad thing to wish your situation was easier, it doesn't make wrong or selfish, it makes you human. You're doing an amazing job holding it all together. Homeschooling an energetic child while handling serious health issues with other family members, planning meals & taking care of the home is a huge job. Just hang in there and feel free to vent as often as you need.

  3. JoAnn's Avatar
    I Hope what I have to say helps you out. Maybe you have already done these things, but here goes.
    I was a little older and learnt by experiences with my own family.
    Don't let this part of life get you down. Ask for help, you are only one person with a family and a life to enjoy too. I got so busy with my Father--That I didn't know what was going on in my own home. Lost part of that.

    Is there other family to help ? Set up a schedule with them to step in too to help..(I had other family --- but they seem to be too busy-- or for other reason couldn't help) That sucked at the time to me..

    Keep a journal of meds,Doc's names and #'s. and certain inportant happenings with dates.
    (I carried mine any time I went to a doc's visit w/my Father).

    Do they have a program called (meals on wheels) in your area? this might help with a special diet in your home.

    Also check if in home health care is a option. With the load that you are carrying, you should be able to get some help there too. They would come in and help, do a few things --sometimes if I needed to go somewhere, they could come in for that.

    Check your local area--Doc's office, local aging office and hospitals for info about all the things that I have mention. Believe me these things do help.

    Lucky you are that DH makes you sit down. Remember to take your time - outs.
    Ever need to vent I'm here..So just click on me....

    Have a Blessed evening......
  4. brchbell's Avatar
    My heart goes out to you! I spent two years of High school as care giver to my sister's dying baby. He needed treatment in the big city and they lived far away in the other side of the state. My Mom would take the day sift and i had him 3PM until 5am. did schoolwork at the hospital and slept there too! Missed junior/senior Prom both years. I went to school one day and he was doing ok and got called out at lunch time. he had fallen and died 2 hours later. Two years later I had just left Vietnam for Okinawa and got a letter from my family doctor saying my Mom was dying of ALS. I was getting married so waited a few months to go home to find out what ALS was. Ended up 20 years old taking care of my dying Mother. 2 of my sisters were coming daily to help but were in a bad roll over accident and spent 3 months fighting for their lives. It was a gut wrenching time. When my father went down 4 years ago with cancer all 4 of us girl's were able to pitch in and take care of him for 6 month's. It went much better. My Mother in Law and my sisters Father in law both passed away 2 weeks before my father. I learned that no matter when it happens it's hard and I hope that someone is there to help you even if it's only a few hours each week. You need help so make sure you get it. Either DH or a dear sister at Church. there is always someone who can help if you let them know!
  5. tsgal's Avatar
    Oh my, I really understand what you are going through as well. I was also a caregiver to my grandmother. It was very hard, and I was tired all the time. She had 7 childern, all still living, that didn't want anything to do with taking care of her. I'm her granddaughter, and it was very hard for me to understand why they would not help. I also have two childern of my own to raise, and a husband that worked 24/7, or it seemed that way. So I felt like I was on my own. When I did call for help from the family, they told me that they would not or could not help. I took care of her for a year, and I just could not keep up with things any longer. Doctors appt, the meds, the hospital stays(12 times in 4 months). It was just to much for me. So what I did was move her closer to her childern. Got her moved and settled in. Then her childern had no choice but to take care of her. They were not very happy with me, but there were 7 of them, and only 1 one me. It just didn't balance out at all. They were mad because they had to do it, but it's been a year now and they have learned to take turns taking care of her. Don't give up, it's good to talk about it. And it's okay to cry. I did that alot, it helps to get it off your chest. Remember to always ask for help, there is help. I had a caregiver come in to watch her while I was at work or to just get a day off. Her medicare paid for it too. So be sure to check into that one for sure. Hold your chin up, it well work out.
  6. bcoffey68359's Avatar
    incheck4real - Have faith- my grandmother always said that the lord never gives you more than you can handle . Keep up the good work -you must be an amazing & caring person just take one day a time. Maybe you could find a friend to come over and help out or take your son for part of the day . Take care Bobbi -NE
  7. bamo72's Avatar
    Also look into your church. I am a parish nurse and we offer the ability to come into your home for a few hours to care a loved one with free skilled care and allow the caregiver to do whatever they need/want. I had one mother just be able to do laundry and cook without having to care for their loved one on top of it for a few hours. And this gives everyone a different face to look at and talk to for a while--sometimes a change is as good as a vacation!!!!
  8. pinklady227's Avatar
    I am also a caregiver and it is just so so hard.... I am so tired, there is no one to help either. I am having trouble with her refusing her medicine and not remembering to eat while I am at work. I just got her into assisted living but everyday and nite there are consistent problems.
  9. Irene's Avatar
    I recently posted an article from Scientific American on the Facebook page for my web service. It is about how stress dramatically affects caregivers. People don't understand how difficult it is to care for someone and what affects it can have. We are taught to take care of ourselves first in emergency situations so we are safe because we can then better take care of others. We don't adopt this philosophy when it comes to taking care of our loved ones. You have to take care of your emotional well being or your physical health will suffer as well. I have counseled people in the past who have had issues surrounding the care of parents. They have a hard time with it as is expected. Sometimes they have to make the decision to use nursing homes. It doesn't mean they don't love their parents. It just means they are taking care of themselves. In any way it is a difficult situation. Take care of yourselves.