So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

Budget101 Discussion List Archives Budget101 Discussion List So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

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      I don’t really have much advice to give you, except if he’s going to complain and tell you how to do it, then tell him to do it himself and see how good he is at it.My husband and I are in the same position, we’ve been married for 17 years and and have two teenagersI have always done the finances though I’m not the best at budgeting money. A few years back we started getting further and further behind and he started blaming me for the mess. I took all the bills one night and dumped them on his lap as he sat and watched tv. I told him if he didn’t like the way it was done, then he could either do it himself, help me do it or shut up. He didn’t take over the bills, but the complaints did slow down a bitand now everytime he starts to complain about how I’m doing it, I tell him I’m more than happy to let him take over, since I have been the one doing it all these years and it washis turn.He usually stays quiet for a few weeks after that.
      I know it’s probably not the best advice, but it worked for me. (so far).

      paradise2lost wrote: My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent
      bills that arrived in today’s mail, began yet another round of our
      continuing battle over bills! We’ve been married over 10 years now,
      have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first
      marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things
      on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads.
      Just
      when we feel like we’re getting on top of things, something always
      happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we’re back in debt up
      to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the “bill
      payer”… a job I’m resenting more and more. My husband blames me
      for our financial situation… he says I am not paying the bills
      correctly. That I “should be paying things off, not spreading the
      money around a little here a little there…” My point to him is if
      you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make
      the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the
      other 4 or 5 slide… how can you do that!?!? We’d end up having
      utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit
      that we already have!!! He doesn’t want to actually take over doing
      the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We’ve never really
      worked off a budget… I’ve attempted to several
      times, but seeing
      all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of
      paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I’ve actually
      listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!
      He’ll read through it and start yelling, “Why is that bill still on
      here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?
      etc… It’s so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful
      conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my
      husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell
      too, and nothing gets accomplished. I’m tired of being blamed for
      everything also. It’s not like I’m buying clothes or frivolous stuff
      for myself. I’m not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few
      errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times
      (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial “sin” I’m
      most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the
      work
      week… But, he does too, so it’s not like I’m the only one. The
      last few weeks I’ve really made a conscious effort to take lunch from
      home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice
      in the last 3 weeks. I’ve told my husband he should do the same, but
      he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at
      the cafeteria at his work. He said he’d take lunch if I made it for
      him every day. Fat chance! I’m not his mother! If I can make my
      own lunch then he’s capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I
      right?!

      The thing is… in almost every other way, our marriage is great.
      The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it’s enough
      that it’s straining our marriage. I’m sick and tired of fighting
      about money.

      I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We
      both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year… but our actual
      take home pay
      (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband’s union dues,
      onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are
      behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to
      collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we’re usually down
      to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles
      from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride
      together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is
      8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2
      and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and
      clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.
      We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our
      primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I’m tired of
      living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

      HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I’ve been primarily
      a “lurker” on this group for several
      months now. I guess the latest
      blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of
      you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his
      website today to see what he’s about. I’m thinking of signing up for
      his Total Money Makeover plan… have any of you done it?

      Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!
      Wendy in MI

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Budget101 Discussion List Archives Budget101 Discussion List So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!