- This topic has 25 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated August 29, 2007 at 12:44 am by .
- August 29, 2007 at 12:44 am #253343
Hi Wendy. I think you’ve got some good advice on the subject and hadn’t planned on responding but I just keep thinking about it. I thought I might address the relationship dynamic part of your post.
Money can be a very explosive topic! (especially when you’re in debt) It’s hard not to be defensive.
I totally understand your frustration. You just want help from him and he is accusatory which makes you defensive as the bill payer. I’m sure it’s frustrating that he doesn’t understand where you’re coming from.
First I would try to have a heart to heart with him. (Timing is everything…don’t bring it up during an argument or in front of the kids. Make an “appointment” to talk with him about it.) First acknowledge that it is a difficult and charged topic to bring up but that you both need to have a frank discussion about it so you can figure out what to do.
Tell him you don’t want to play the blame game about why you’re in the situation you are, but that you want to work together to figure out how to get out of it. Tell him you need help because doing it alone is not yielding great results, right?Just acknowleding the debt is a relief because you can can’t change things you don’t acknowledge.
But maybe he isn’t the kind of guy who would respond well to this. Maybe the calm talk with turn into another round of yelling.
In that case my advise is to decide if you want to be *right* or if you want to save money. And I don’t mean that in a rude way.Can you try to be the bigger person in this situation if he can’t?
If your talk doesn’t work you can still move forward. You can make his lunch, you can cut down the grocery bill, you can put together a budget. Would it be easier with his help and support?
Yes. Does his help and support change the fact that you need to do something about the money situation? No.
Start with changing your habits and you may be surprised at what will happen. Decide to have the attitude that you’re going to do the countless little things to save money because you’re blessing your family. Your whole outlook on the situation may change from that perspective.
I wish you the best and hope you and your husband can work through the stress of this situation. Good luck!
lori in iowa
sahm to madeline (2), Zella (8 mo.), DH, dog, cat + fish
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