So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

Budget101 Discussion List Archives Budget101 Discussion List So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

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      I would highly recommend you reading the book Total

      Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. I haven’t committed to

      his plan yet, but I’ve lurked on the message board for

      quite some time and have learned a lot.

      His plan concentrates on going through certain baby

      steps in order….and creating a zero based budget and

      using the envelope system. All good stuff.

      Borrow the book from the library if you can, or maybe

      you can find a good deal at

      I can see how frustrated you are with the situation,

      especially when you have a spouse that isn’t on the

      same page. You have to get serious with the finances

      in order to change things.

      Good luck!



      — paradise2lost <> wrote:

      > My husband got home from work today and a glance at

      > the most recent

      > bills that arrived in today’s mail, began yet

      > another round of our

      > continuing battle over bills! We’ve been married

      > over 10 years now,

      > have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from

      > his first

      > marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her

      > out with things

      > on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over

      > our heads. Just

      > when we feel like we’re getting on top of things,

      > something always

      > happens to throw a wrench into our finances and

      > we’re back in debt up

      > to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I

      > have been the “bill

      > payer”… a job I’m resenting more and more. My

      > husband blames me

      > for our financial situation… he says I am not

      > paying the bills

      > correctly. That I “should be paying things off, not

      > spreading the

      > money around a little here a little there…” My

      > point to him is if

      > you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only

      > enough to make

      > the minimum payments on each, or pay off one

      > completely and let the

      > other 4 or 5 slide… how can you do that!?!? We’d

      > end up having

      > utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no

      > groceries, or worse credit

      > that we already have!!! He doesn’t want to actually

      > take over doing

      > the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it!

      > We’ve never really

      > worked off a budget… I’ve attempted to several

      > times, but seeing

      > all the debt written out on paper just seems to make

      > the task of

      > paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus,

      > when I’ve actually

      > listed everything in black and white, it just sets

      > my husband off!

      > He’ll read through it and start yelling, “Why is

      > that bill still on

      > here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we

      > behind on that one?!?

      > etc… It’s so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a

      > meaningful

      > conversation about getting our finances straightened

      > out, but my

      > husband just starts yelling at me and then I get

      > defensive and yell

      > too, and nothing gets accomplished. I’m tired of

      > being blamed for

      > everything also. It’s not like I’m buying clothes

      > or frivolous stuff

      > for myself. I’m not wasting our money. I admit I

      > have made a few

      > errors in our check book that have screwed up our

      > finances at times

      > (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial

      > “sin” I’m

      > most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often

      > during the work

      > week… But, he does too, so it’s not like I’m the

      > only one. The

      > last few weeks I’ve really made a conscious effort

      > to take lunch from

      > home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate

      > out once or twice

      > in the last 3 weeks. I’ve told my husband he should

      > do the same, but

      > he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast

      > and/or lunch at

      > the cafeteria at his work. He said he’d take lunch

      > if I made it for

      > him every day. Fat chance! I’m not his mother!


      > I can make my

      > own lunch then he’s capapble of doing the same for

      > himself. Am I

      > right?!


      > The thing is… in almost every other way, our

      > marriage is great.

      > The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money.

      > But it’s enough

      > that it’s straining our marriage. I’m sick and

      > tired of fighting

      > about money.


      > I know we should be doing a lot better than we are

      > right now. We

      > both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a

      > year… but our actual

      > take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k,

      > husband’s union dues,

      > onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per

      > month. We are

      > behind on a few things and have some old debt that

      > has gone to

      > collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but

      > we’re usually down

      > to the wire to get it in on time each month. We

      > live about 25 miles

      > from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot

      > really ride

      > together as our work hours are very different most

      > days. Our son is

      > 8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our

      > daughter is 4 1/2

      > and starting PreSchool this year. They both need

      > new shoes and

      > clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school

      > starts next week.

      > We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra

      > money. Our

      > primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals.

      > I’m tired of

      > living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.


      > help!!!! i need any and all advice i can get. i’ve

      > been primarily

      > a “lurker” on this group for several months now. i

      > guess the latest

      > blow up with my husband today prompted me to write.

      > i know many of

      > you have mentioned dave ramsey on here and have

      > actually been to his

      > website today to see what he’s about. i’m thinking

      > of signing up for

      > his total money makeover plan… have any of you

      > done it?


      > any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! thanks

      > for listening!

      > wendy in mi





      yahoo! onesearch: finally, mobile search

      that gives answers, not web links.

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Budget101 Discussion List Archives Budget101 Discussion List So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!