So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

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Dear Wendy,

My help or advice may be a little bit on the lecture side, please do

not get offended, it’s constructive criticism, really it is.

I’m 40 years old, have 5 children and 2 step-children. My first

marriage ended after many years of immaturity and unhappiness from

both parties, 13 years. I felt unappreciated and taken advantage of,

therefore I had a lot of animosity towards him in the end. My second

marriage is still going strong and I have grown up with him making

more mature decisions, 8 years. He makes me a better person.

We still argue about money, I’m the spender he is the provider. That

stresses him out and I am trying to get better. My problem comes with

being on my own with the kids most of the year due to his overseas

job. My loneliness is made better with shopping. I told him at least

I’m not cheating!!! LOL Really!!! Right?

Anyhow,fun aside, I love my

husband very much and want to change that about myself.

About your lunch comment, “you’re not his mother”, right, but you are

his wife. Really how hard is it to put together a second sandwich

while you have the stuff out on the counter??? Come on!!! I would

have all the stuff out for my kiddos and I do an assembly line and

could get 7 lunches done in about 15 minutes. What if something

happened, God forbid, and he wasn’t there? How bad would you feel

about that argument? You should really look at how you take him for

granted and he you. That is really such a little thing to do for him

that would save you both a lot of money down the road. The little

things really do matter when you’re in love with someone and that is

such a little thing. Don’t do things because you have to, do them

because you want to, from the heart.

well, that is my soapbox on that. if you just apply that same way of

thinking to everything you do for your family it will last a life

time, really. you both should practice those little things for

eachother. that is how to build a long lasting marriage. not tending

to the little things for your loved ones with only create animosity

amongst all involved.

sincerely and respectfully, kimberley

— in Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, “paradise2lost”

wrote:

>

> My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent

> bills that arrived in today’s mail, began yet another round of our

> continuing battle over bills! We’ve been married over 10 years

now,

> have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

> marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with

things

> on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

> when we feel like we’re getting on top of things, something always

> happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we’re back in debt

up

> to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been

the “bill

> payer”… a job I’m resenting more and more. My husband blames me

> for our financial situation… he says I am not paying the bills

> correctly. That I “should be paying things off, not spreading the

> money around a little here a little there…” My point to him is

if

> you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

> the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the

> other 4 or 5 slide… how can you do that!?!? We’d end up having

> utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse

credit

> that we already have!!! He doesn’t want to actually take over

doing

> the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We’ve never

really

> worked off a budget… I’ve attempted to several times, but seeing

> all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

> paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I’ve

actually

> listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!

> He’ll read through it and start yelling, “Why is that bill still on

> here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that

one?!?

> etc… It’s so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

> conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

> husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell

> too, and nothing gets accomplished. I’m tired of being blamed for

> everything also. It’s not like I’m buying clothes or frivolous

stuff

> for myself. I’m not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

> errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times

> (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial “sin” I’m

> most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

> week… But, he does too, so it’s not like I’m the only one. The

> last few weeks I’ve really made a conscious effort to take lunch

from

> home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or

twice

> in the last 3 weeks. I’ve told my husband he should do the same,

but

> he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch

at

> the cafeteria at his work. He said he’d take lunch if I made it

for

> him every day. Fat chance! I’m not his mother!

If I can make my

> own lunch then he’s capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I

> right?!

>

> The thing is… in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

> The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it’s

enough

> that it’s straining our marriage. I’m sick and tired of fighting

> about money.

>

> I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

> both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year… but our

actual

> take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband’s union dues,

> onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

> behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

> collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we’re usually

down

> to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25

miles

> from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

> together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son

is

> 8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2

> and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

> clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next

week.

> We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

> primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I’m tired of

> living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

>

> help!!!! i need any and all advice i can get. i’ve been primarily

> a “lurker” on this group for several months now. i guess the

latest

> blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. i know many of

> you have mentioned dave ramsey on here and have actually been to

his

> website today to see what he’s about. i’m thinking of signing up

for

> his total money makeover plan… have any of you done it?

>

> any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! thanks for listening!

> wendy in mi

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