So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

Budget101 Discussion List Archives Budget101 Discussion List So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

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      Do you have a debt (NOT credit) card? When a paycheck comes in or

      otherwise there is money in the bank, figure out the maximum you can

      spend on bills, call up the creditors and pay by phone with your debt.

      If it ain’t in the bank account for lunches and fluff, it can’t be

      spent. I learned this trick after I discovered that my wife was

      writing checks for the bills, then spending the money again because it

      still showed in the account, and bouncing checks left and right.

      (Bless her heart.)

      I’m 50 and years of experience with both my own irresponsiblity and

      that of my better half have taught me that we get into these messes in

      the first place MOSTLY when we refuse to face realities. It then

      becomes necessary… one way or another… for reality to face us.

      Hope this help.

      — In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, “paradise2lost”

      wrote:

      >

      > My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent

      > bills that arrived in today’s mail, began yet another round of our

      > continuing battle over bills! We’ve been married over 10 years now,

      > have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

      > marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things

      > on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

      > when we feel like we’re getting on top of things, something always

      > happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we’re back in debt up

      > to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the “bill

      > payer”… a job I’m resenting more and more. My husband blames me

      > for our financial situation… he says I am not paying the bills

      > correctly. That I “should be paying things off, not spreading the

      > money around a little here a little there…” My point to him is if

      > you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

      > the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the

      > other 4 or 5 slide… how can you do that!?!? We’d end up having

      > utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit

      > that we already have!!! He doesn’t want to actually take over doing

      > the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We’ve never really

      > worked off a budget… I’ve attempted to several times, but seeing

      > all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

      > paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I’ve actually

      > listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!

      > He’ll read through it and start yelling, “Why is that bill still on

      > here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?

      > etc… It’s so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

      > conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

      > husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell

      > too, and nothing gets accomplished. I’m tired of being blamed for

      > everything also. It’s not like I’m buying clothes or frivolous stuff

      > for myself. I’m not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

      > errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times

      > (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial “sin” I’m

      > most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

      > week… But, he does too, so it’s not like I’m the only one. The

      > last few weeks I’ve really made a conscious effort to take lunch from

      > home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice

      > in the last 3 weeks. I’ve told my husband he should do the same, but

      > he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at

      > the cafeteria at his work. He said he’d take lunch if I made it for

      > him every day. Fat chance! I’m not his mother!

      If I can make my

      > own lunch then he’s capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I

      > right?!

      >

      > The thing is… in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

      > The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it’s enough

      > that it’s straining our marriage. I’m sick and tired of fighting

      > about money.

      >

      > I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

      > both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year… but our actual

      > take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband’s union dues,

      > onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

      > behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

      > collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we’re usually down

      > to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles

      > from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

      > together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is

      > 8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2

      > and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

      > clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.

      > We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

      > primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I’m tired of

      > living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

      >

      > help!!!! i need any and all advice i can get. i’ve been primarily

      > a “lurker” on this group for several months now. i guess the latest

      > blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. i know many of

      > you have mentioned dave ramsey on here and have actually been to his

      > website today to see what he’s about. i’m thinking of signing up for

      > his total money makeover plan… have any of you done it?

      >

      > any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! thanks for listening!

      > wendy in mi

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Budget101 Discussion List Archives Budget101 Discussion List So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!