So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

Budget101 Discussion List Archives Budget101 Discussion List So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

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      I could have written parts of this post myself. Sometimes, making the money

      last the month is a real juggling act! On top of paying off bills, I would love

      to build up our savings account. That would be terrific!

      It is tough to see it all in black & white, but it is important to know what

      you are facing. Sit down and write down every penny that you owe, the interest

      rates, the due dates, if they are late. I would put it on a piece of notebook

      paper in column form. Easy to see.

      Mark on your calendar to mail the payment a few days before hand, so they are

      not at risk of being late (incurring expensive late fees) or take the payment to

      the company owed if close by for the same reason.

      Always, always shop with a grocery list (or a list, period) for whatever you

      are after. Make the list up at home and try not to leave anything off. Then,


      For instance, I check the pantry, then plan our meals around that. I clip

      coupons for things that are already on the list, then I head to the grocery

      store. It helps me not get things impulsively or try planning a meal “on the

      spot”, which leads to forgotten items, impulse (extra $$$$$$ spent) buys. Take

      the time to think through – this week, we will be eating at home XXX nights,

      taking lunch to work XXXX days, then XXXX days of after school activities (make

      extra food for thermos or cooler). I have come to really like the slow cooker

      and the pressure cooker. They help me prepare meals while I am at work or

      shortly after I get home. It eliminates that “call the pizza delivery”

      (expensive) at the last minute.

      I am fortunate that my husband does not mind taking leftovers for lunch. We

      don’t toss much food around here. Careful planning, I know how much bread to

      buy to make sandwiches, incl. extras for his one night out each week. You can

      make a whole chicken and veggies in the pressure cooker in less than 1/2 an hour

      after work.

      As for the bills, we have been keeping up with them, plus paying extra on one

      each month and getting it paid off sooner. It is not an overnight fix, but it

      has been helping.


      paradise2lost <> wrote:

      My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent

      bills that arrived in today’s mail, began yet another round of our

      continuing battle over bills! We’ve been married over 10 years now,

      have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

      marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things

      on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

      when we feel like we’re getting on top of things, something always

      happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we’re back in debt up

      to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the “bill

      payer”… a job I’m resenting more and more. My husband blames me

      for our financial situation… he says I am not paying the bills

      correctly. That I “should be paying things off, not spreading the

      money around a little here a little there…” My point to him is if

      you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

      the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the

      other 4 or 5 slide… how can you do that!?!? We’d end up having

      utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit

      that we already have!!! He doesn’t want to actually take over doing

      the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We’ve never really

      worked off a budget… I’ve attempted to several times, but seeing

      all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

      paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I’ve actually

      listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!

      He’ll read through it and start yelling, “Why is that bill still on

      here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?

      etc… It’s so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

      conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

      husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell

      too, and nothing gets accomplished. I’m tired of being blamed for

      everything also. It’s not like I’m buying clothes or frivolous stuff

      for myself. I’m not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

      errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times

      (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial “sin” I’m

      most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

      week… But, he does too, so it’s not like I’m the only one. The

      last few weeks I’ve really made a conscious effort to take lunch from

      home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice

      in the last 3 weeks. I’ve told my husband he should do the same, but

      he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at

      the cafeteria at his work. He said he’d take lunch if I made it for

      him every day. Fat chance! I’m not his mother! If I can make my

      own lunch then he’s capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I


      The thing is… in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

      The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it’s enough

      that it’s straining our marriage. I’m sick and tired of fighting

      about money.

      I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

      both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year… but our actual

      take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband’s union dues,

      onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

      behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

      collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we’re usually down

      to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles

      from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

      together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is

      8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2

      and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

      clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.

      We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

      primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I’m tired of

      living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

      HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I’ve been primarily

      a “lurker” on this group for several months now. I guess the latest

      blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of

      you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his

      website today to see what he’s about. I’m thinking of signing up for

      his Total Money Makeover plan… have any of you done it?

      Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!

      Wendy in MI

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Budget101 Discussion List Archives Budget101 Discussion List So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!