Parenting Question- School- stay back, Move ahead?

Budget101 Discussion List Archives Kids / Children Parenting Question- School- stay back, Move ahead?

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      Boy you’ve written my daughter’s life story. She has been this way since the
      3rd grade. Bright and unmotivated.

      She’s in the 9th grade now and still doing
      the same old thing. She recently was ineligble to participate in a huge event
      that is held here at the high school each year. Megan has been waiting for her
      chance to participate since she was in kindergarten.

      She missed the grade cutoff
      by 2 points…she had a 73 overall average and they demand a 75. Her teachers
      all said if she would have just done her homework, she would have passed their
      classes. I think this disappointment is what finally will get Megan moving.

      She
      has 3 more years left in hs and three more chances to participate in this event.
      She is so devastated this year, that I know she won’t let herself miss out next
      year. And, she actually told me she knows that she has only herself to blame.
      So, I think she’s matured some from the experience.

      I think what your son needs is definite consequences for his lack of effort.
      Does he participate in sports or extracurricular activities? Bar him from doing
      so unless he maintains a C average, etc. It sounds like he needs organizational
      skills and focus.

      I’ve taken computer priveledges away from Megan for months at
      a time if she isn’t doing her work. I don’t specifically punish or reward for
      grades. I always tell them that if they do their best and do what is required of
      them, good grades will follow.

      As far as holding your son back, I don’t know what to tell you. Thats an
      emotional decision. We held my youngest back in the third grade and it was the
      best thing I could have done for her.

      She was also very young emotionally for
      her age. Plus she was by far, the smallest child in her grade and was babied
      both in and out of school. But the decision to retain her was made mainly
      because she has some issues with learning and needed time to catch her breath
      and catch up.

      She’s in 4th now and doing really well. I never considered
      holding Megan back. For one thing, with an October birthday, she was already
      one of the oldest in her class.

      And one of the tallest. Plus my middle child in
      in the grade behind Megan and that would have been catastrophic to pair them in
      the same grade. Also, our principal told me once that keeping a child back for
      maturity reasons doesn’t always work. After all, you are putting them in with
      even younger children.

      I have a question. Have you had your son tested for add or adhd? that can
      severely affect organizational capabilities.

      megan is add. she was diagnosed in
      the 6th grade and went she started taking her medicine, the difference was
      immediate. It didn’t overcome the maturity issues, however.

      My other two have
      ADHD, which means they also have hyperactivity. They are harder workers so with
      assistance and their medicine, they do fine. I don’t advocate medicating kids to
      make them compliant, but if your son truly needs something, I’d look into it.

      This is getting long, but one more point. His teachers are not there to
      babysit, but they do have an obligation to do whatever they can to assist your
      son in gaining the skills he needs to succeed. 5th grade is middle school?

      Thats
      so young. We start in 6th grade and I feel even that is young. They are more
      or less thrown to the wolves before many are prepared.

      My kid’s teachers have
      always been willing to sign homework books, but that sort of falls by the
      wayside if your child doesn’t do his part. One of the major things I do is keep
      in contact with my kid’s teachers. I am notified by phone or email if they are
      slacking off or having difficulty in class.

      In middle school, I met with the
      school counselor and all of Megan’s teachers to discuss her progress or lack of.
      It helps when they know you are interested in working with them as a team. And
      you certainly are obviously an interested parent.

      Sorry for going on for so long, its just that I’ve walked where you are walking
      for so long. Frustrated is an understatement. Please keep in touch and let me
      know how things are going.

      Either at my private email or thru the group. Good
      luck to you and don’t give up. Your son may learn the hard way, but he will
      finally learn.

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Budget101 Discussion List Archives Kids / Children Parenting Question- School- stay back, Move ahead?