- March 10, 2007 at 10:30 pm #238627BiggerPiggyBankParticipant
Re: Curfews & Teen “rules”
The situation with an older child who is adopted into a new
household is usually much different from a child who is raised in
the same household from a young age.
Why was she adopted? Were the parents unfit? Did they pass away
Were they incapable of handling her? Many different
reasons can cause an in family adoption, and chances are, the neice
was distraut and acting out of an emotional need.
If the parents died, perhaps she looked at an intimate relationship
as a way of feeling loved, or a way to forget her grief for a short
time. If she was living in a home where she wasn’t cared for
properly, it might have just been what she thought was the
next “right” step in her relationship. If she was a troubled teen to
begin with, then she’s going to do and say what she wants to get
what she wants, even if it means lying to a relative.
Or, it could also be that the boyfriend just talked her into it. As
adults, the further removed we are from being teens, the harder it
gets to vividly remember the actual full force feelings that go
along with having a ton of new hormoans roaming in your body. Teens
tend to become much more emotional before they learn to control
their own bodies.
That isn’t neccessarily shown through intimate
situations, either- getting upset easily, getting angry easily,
fighting over trivial things, getting mixed up in the wrong sorts of
relationships, having sex before they might be ready, etc.
As a parent, you do your best for as long as you can. You try to
teach your child not to just trust you, but that you trust them. You
hope that along the way, your child has learned right from wrong,
and knows when they can come to you for advice or help.
Sadly, most teens do not feel that they are trusted, nor that they
can go to a parent or guardian and openly talk about topics that
might be confusing or troubling to them.
Parents who “lay down the law” in a harsh manner, or punish quickly
for small offenses, for instance, usually will have a teen who
doesn’t trust quite as well, and won’t open up about problems.
Parents who are too lax and give in, or allow the teen to have their
way all the time tend to have a teen who feels they can get away
This is NOT always the case, and I’m not saying any of this in
direct response to how anyone here parents. In the end, we as
parents do what we think will work best. There is no one correct way
of doing things.
I’m not that far removed from being a teen, and I’m not that far
removed from having a teenage daughter (2 more years!). I can only
hope that my experiance from being both the daughter of a teen mom,
and being a teen mom myself will have helped me in the way we chose
to parent our 3 kids.
There is no right or wrong answer to the question of, “What is the
answer?” There is no answer, especially without knowing the facts of
the people and situation.
We can give advice, we are certainly good at that, but only the girl
and her parents & guardian can really give themselves insight into
what happened, and what might have caused her to stray from the path
that others wanted for her.
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