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    • #238627
      BiggerPiggyBank
      Participant

      Re: Curfews & Teen “rules”

      The situation with an older child who is adopted into a new
      household is usually much different from a child who is raised in
      the same household from a young age.

      Why was she adopted? Were the parents unfit? Did they pass away
      unexpetedly?

      Were they incapable of handling her? Many different
      reasons can cause an in family adoption, and chances are, the neice
      was distraut and acting out of an emotional need.

      If the parents died, perhaps she looked at an intimate relationship
      as a way of feeling loved, or a way to forget her grief for a short
      time. If she was living in a home where she wasn’t cared for
      properly, it might have just been what she thought was the
      next “right” step in her relationship. If she was a troubled teen to
      begin with, then she’s going to do and say what she wants to get
      what she wants, even if it means lying to a relative.

      Or, it could also be that the boyfriend just talked her into it. As
      adults, the further removed we are from being teens, the harder it
      gets to vividly remember the actual full force feelings that go
      along with having a ton of new hormoans roaming in your body. Teens
      tend to become much more emotional before they learn to control
      their own bodies.

      That isn’t neccessarily shown through intimate
      situations, either- getting upset easily, getting angry easily,
      fighting over trivial things, getting mixed up in the wrong sorts of
      relationships, having sex before they might be ready, etc.

      As a parent, you do your best for as long as you can. You try to
      teach your child not to just trust you, but that you trust them. You
      hope that along the way, your child has learned right from wrong,
      and knows when they can come to you for advice or help.

      Sadly, most teens do not feel that they are trusted, nor that they
      can go to a parent or guardian and openly talk about topics that
      might be confusing or troubling to them.

      Parents who “lay down the law” in a harsh manner, or punish quickly
      for small offenses, for instance, usually will have a teen who
      doesn’t trust quite as well, and won’t open up about problems.

      Parents who are too lax and give in, or allow the teen to have their
      way all the time tend to have a teen who feels they can get away
      with anything.

      This is NOT always the case, and I’m not saying any of this in
      direct response to how anyone here parents. In the end, we as
      parents do what we think will work best. There is no one correct way
      of doing things.

      I’m not that far removed from being a teen, and I’m not that far
      removed from having a teenage daughter (2 more years!). I can only
      hope that my experiance from being both the daughter of a teen mom,
      and being a teen mom myself will have helped me in the way we chose
      to parent our 3 kids.

      There is no right or wrong answer to the question of, “What is the
      answer?” There is no answer, especially without knowing the facts of
      the people and situation.

      We can give advice, we are certainly good at that, but only the girl
      and her parents & guardian can really give themselves insight into
      what happened, and what might have caused her to stray from the path
      that others wanted for her.

      Heather

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