- July 8, 2014 at 10:04 pm #344037
So.. we have 1 phone line in the house, but 3 “ringmate” phone numbers. I don’t know how many of you are familiar with that little atrocity, but it essentially means that each of my beasts has their own “phone number”.
1 line, 3 different ring tones.
So.. my phone rings today, it’s call from a “gentleman” and I use that term loosely, whose English was comparable to the sound made when shoving a cat in a blender.
It was one of those moments when you shut of the air conditioner, turn off any music or sounds that might be toodling in the background and really press your ear to the phone to attempt to comprehend what crap they’re spewing.
This fellow assured me that they were receiving a very large number of warnings coming from my computer system and he, being a superhero from Microsoft, was there to help me out! He would walk me through step by step to explain … open my start panel, click on run, enter cmd.exe and then of course type a few necessary bits of code to give him access to my computer and fix the issue once and for all.
So I proceeded to give him just enough rope to hang himself with. I played insanely ignorant about computers but asked him again what company he was with. He assured me he was from Microsoft.
I asked which department, he told me Tech Support and I told him sweetly, “I am so very glad you called sir! I have been leaving messages with Tech support for weeks trying to get a driver installed for my keyboard because I can’t use my system or enter anything without it.”
Hrmm.. his tone changed, he seemed aggravated, I continued, “I really really need to get it fixed, you see, I do ALL of my banking online and I can’t get into my bank account without it”.
Ahhhh Suddenly he’s perked up, the mention of my piddly bank account has got his ears a flappin’ in the wind. :dash1:
“Oh Yes Mum, My can Certainly Feeex dat for Yooo. My can Feex anyting if you jus follow my instructions. First, do you see de box on de bottom of your page?”
Me: “Um, no, well, yeah, well, there’s actually lots of boxes, about 20, which one do you want?”
Him: “Oh, I see. Dis one has weally small picture in it, juss click on dat one.”
Me: “Oh, Yes I see it now! Thank you, I didn’t know I could open my mailbox with that button, you’ve been so helpful!”
Him (a little aggravated now: “No Mum, you clicked de wrong budden. You need click the right budden for me, it has a little window, you see dat one?”
Me: ” Oh Yes, Yes I see that one, I should click that one?”
Him .. getting a little excited now:” Yes, Yes, Click dat one!”
Me: “Oh, Well that one opened up a picture of my trip to the beach. Is that what’s causing all those error messages you told me about?”
Him: “No Mum, You need click de right budden.”
Me: “Oh I see it now, When I click that the menu pops up.”
Him: ” Yes Mum, de menu, now see the box at the bottom of de menu? da one dat says Search?”
Me: “Yes, I see it, but.. why didn’t you just ask me to open the Menu? I mean, you could’ve saved us both so much time.
Are really from tech support at Microsoft, I mean, no offense, but you don’t seem to know what you’re doing.”
Him:” Yes, Mum, My am from Microsoft. My am helping you wid your CompYoooTer. Now, in dat box type in cmd”
me: “but wait, i can’t type anything in, i don’t have a keyboard installed silly, remember? you said you would help me.”
him: “what is your operating system?”
me: “they system i am operating on is a computer without a keyboard, but i didn’t know it was called operating. wow, i feel like a doctor now. hehe”
him: “no mum, the computer’s operating system”, by now his voice is terribly strained and i just know if the lying p.o.s could come through the phone to slap me he would.
me: ” i think it’s called ipad”.
him: ” no, no, your computer.”
me: “yes, it’s an ipad, it says so right on it. it has a little picture of a fruit on it and it says ipad.”
him: “you mf’ing b!tch! you wasted my time, i’m calling the police and they’re going to arrest you and lock you in jail” :disallowed:
me: laughing hysterically at this point, the conversation has now taken 23 minutes of this douche bags time.. time that he could have been scamming some poor unknowing sap out of their life savings, at which point I tell him, “Hey ‘expletive’, the next time you try scamming someone, make sure they don’t build computers for a living!”
He hangs up ranting naughty things along the way. I sit at my computer, still laughing softly thinking of all the fun things I should have said, had i been prepared… only to hear the phone ring two short, one long…
two short, one long… and low and behold, my friendly foreigner is calling my other line….
time for round two….:boxing:
- December 20, 2014 at 6:50 pm #459905
Way to go…. :hand-icon::038:
Tie them up…..
12/20/14 10:45 am est.
i also love these calls… 1st one [sometime earlier this year], I told the thick accented man that this had to be a scam and he was not from Microsoft and a liar as I do not have any computers… [ I hated lying to him 😉 ] He asked if I was [new name] and he was sorry for bothering me…..
They are back at it…
I got a call from 245-897-6589 again yesterday but didn’t answer.
I did answer today – nothing better to do…
I did not get the mans name, [Indian accent] he said he was from Windows Technical Department and my computer had been sending them messages for a couple of weeks that there were programs being corrupted and performance was being affected by malware on my pc, he called to let me know. [ how kind of him :-0 ]
I asked what kind of problem, he spewed lies and wanted me to turn on my pc… [ I already had 3 on and on-line, why did he not know… huuummmm ] He wanted to help? by removing the problem…
I confronted him at this point…
I asked what ip address they are getting the reports from and how are they getting reports since i have all reporting disabled…
he then started yelling and calling me a f..a..h.. [ i think i got him riled up.. ]
i became childish and replied – i know you are but what am i… that really got him going…. [ i am such a stinker ] – i wonder how his boss can let him keep working with a mouth like that – his co-conspirators [ i mean workers ] surely heard him yelling obscenities…. i finally hung up on him….
i may have to try the parting line from another post the next time… “do you realize that you are going to stand before a holy god for what you are doing!”
i feel the longer i can keep them on the line will cut down on them probably reaching some uninformed person that will believe their bull….
maybe their phone bill for non productive calls will outweigh the potential profit…
i know that abdule did not get a commission on my call…
i think the next time i will play an old man – hard of hearing – and have them repeat everything multiple times…. i wonder how long they will play along….
do not expect the government to do anything about this – take a little time out of your day, stall and delay them from getting to an uninformed person – wasting their time will hit them where it counts – in the wallet… there are a few of them and lots of us….
wasted time for them has more impact on them then the fun we can have with them…
come on be creative… have fun and waste their time…
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