- April 22, 2007 at 3:38 pm #240466BiggerPiggyBankParticipant
As a mother of 5 sons ages 19 to 27 years, I’ve been thru the teenage turmoils more than I care to remember. My oldest two boys didn’t give us any problems. The middle two almost drove me crazy. Thank goodness, the youngest was like the older ones.
First thing I would tell from experience, you MUST operate from a position of authority.
Don’t be timid or afraid of “upsetting” her if she is defying the rules. Call social services and ask if they have a counseling program you could attend. Go to this even if your daughter won’t.
At least you know you’re not alone and will get support from others that have been there, done that. Next, call the local police dept and ask what options you have pertaining to teen curfews and any info relating to teen problems they might offer. When you get this information, let your daughter know and let her know you will call the authorities if the need arises.
It is the most painful thing in the world to do this, I know. But if you let her go and she keeps running away and defying you, you’re only setting yourself and her up for major trouble down the road. You are doing this for your daughter so she will have a future.
As far as books go, head to your library and you’ll find an abundance of info on the troubling teen years. There might even be several parent groups locally that you can contact for help and support. Also, if her school has a good guidance counselor, talk to them.
Maybe they could help her at school and keep an eye out for any problems you need to know about. But you have to let them know, because they have so many kids enrolled, they might miss one that really needs the help. And be sure all her teachers make you aware if she misses any classes.
You have to make a cohesive team for yourself in this. When your daughter sees there are no loopholes in your plan, she will have to follow the rules or face consequences. Don’t be drawn into heated arguments or shouting matches with her.
Just state the way it’s going to be and stick to it. She will come to realize you are doing all of this because you love her and care about her. Lastly, I would suggest if you could find a hobby or just take a daily walk together and have time to connect and start to talk that will help tremendously.
Your daughter will respond when she knows what to expect with certainty. Gosh, I could go on and on, but I just wanted you to know you both will survive and get thru this. It just takes a lot of hard work and consistency.
If you want or need to talk you can email me off list. I wish the best for you and your family.
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