- April 22, 2007 at 3:38 pm #240502
I agree with the sitting down and talking with the 16yr old. But I draw the line
at apologizing to her for trying to parent her. I simply asked her what she
wanted life at home to be like for the next two years until she was 18 and I
I told her what I expected her to do for the next 2 years, how to
act and any other items of contention and listed them.
We both compromised
/negotiated on on the list. But I made it very clear to her the rules i would
not bend on and made it very crystal clear that if she refused to live by those
few inflexible ones of mine (like go to school, not drink, etc) then she would
need to move out at that time, get a job , drop out of school , (since she was
failing and not going most of the time anyway )and live on her own by her own
support and i would go to court to emancipate her at 16 with out any further
guilt on my part.
. I truly got tired of all her games and truly at that point
I wanted her gone out of the house and away from my younger children- she was
not a good role model for them. .
after she realized I would cut her loose to
go her own way, and not give in anymore to her tantrums and her trying to
control, manipulate and destroy our family anymore she became more amenable ,
seemed to mature and life became easier for us all. Its funny , but it seemed as
if once she realized I would not play the game by HER rules anymore, and no
longer felt guilty about her actions , she stopped all the bullcrap she had
handed us for years. 16 is not a child anymore -they are almost adults.
old enough to listen and reason with. There comes a time when they have to stop
playing the spoiled child routine and take the consequences for their own
actions and 16 is plenty old enough. The one rule I gave her is that if she did
run away at any time, for whatever reason, then she was out on her own from that
point on and I would NOT try to find her or attempt to ‘convince’ her to come
I told her that running away is the crulest form of manipulation a child
can do to a parent and I would never, ever forgive her for it- and I meant it.
And I let her see I meant it.
The good news is that she is now a sophmore in college , on a scholarship,
working part time, lives in an apartment with a roommate, getting A’s and has
turned her life around.
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