Humorous Cleaning tips for unexpected company….

[Guest]

Handy Cleaning Tips

Dirt:
Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave
it alone.

Cobwebs:
Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,
thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light
fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim “What? And spoil the
mood?” (Or just throw glitter on them &call them holiday decorations)

Pet Hair:
Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming
you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for
underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter)

Guests:
If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room
and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the
door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, “I’d love you to see our den, but
Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive.”

Dusting:
If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee
table and insist that “This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes.”

General Cleaning:
Mix one quarter cup pine scented household cleaner with four cups of water
in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly.

Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look,
throw yourself on the couch and sigh, “I clean and I clean and I still don’t get
anywhere.”

As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie
pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a bake sale
for a favorite charity and haven’t had time to clean…Works every time.

Another favorite:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests
arrive, you can say you’ve been sick and unable to clean. You figure if you can
live in it, they can surely stand it for a 30 minute visit!

[Author]

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