Help for a friend

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      Hi, I could not have said that better myself, I too have lived the horrors you just described and it really helps if you have someone that will just listen and not judge. I think the justice system doesn’t take this as serious as they should because they just plain do not understand that alot of women go back because they are afraid not to or don’t know how to survive out on thier own, women are abused everyday and sometimes women work very hard at covering up the abuse because they feel ashamed, embarrassed or like a failure. and from being in the same horrible situation I can tell you what your friend needs the most is emotional support and I pray she doesn’t go back to that monster but the odds are she just might. Jodi

      “T.” wrote:

      2px solid;”> Hi Jennifer,
      Your friend is in my thoughts and prayers. I think, the one thing
      your friend needs more then anything, is someone to listen and not
      judge. Statistically, it is probably not the first time and odds are
      she may go back to him, even now…. I know from personal experience.
      My abuse was 20 years ago. In the short 3 months we were married
      together ( it took me longer to get the divorce then we were actually
      together) I was beaten 3 times and held at gun point once. In the
      year of dating there was no abuse what so ever. Even in my situation
      where the abuse was so extreme (one doctor in the E.R. actually

      thought I had been hit by a bus – I was black & blue from head to toe)
      and the short marriage, it was hard to get away and there were no
      children involved (even though I was scared to death that I might be
      pregnant). The most dangerous time for the woman is when they have
      left. It is a terrifying time. I felt like a failure. The system
      was difficult, to say the least. Judges who thought I wasn’t serious
      because I didn’t have an attorney at the time. Once I did get an
      attorney, the shear expense of it was staggering. I was actually told
      that my dear husband could come after me for support because I
      wouldn’t risk a beating by waking him up to go to work, so he stopped
      working and I paid all the bills….. His attorney who called me at
      work to ask if I really believed that my husband deserved to spend 2
      years in prison for ‘my marital problems’ ( I replied that he should
      spend at least 2 years in prison, because he tried to kill
      me….)

      The good news is that you get through it, you survive and you become a
      stronger person for it. I won a lifetime injunction for protection
      against my husband. (but truthfully it is just a piece of paper, he
      violated it numerous times, the thing, in my case, that finally put an
      end to it, I told him that if he ever came near me again, I would blow
      his f-ing brains out, and I meant it. I had bought a gun and I was
      willing and able to use it). He was sentence to 2 years in the
      Florida state prison. He served 7 months and 9 days of that sentence
      (he was a good boy in prison, no one to beat on) He wrote me
      constantly from prison, the letters went anywhere from I love you and
      can’t live without you, to, you are the f-ing reason I am in here. I
      received phone calls from other inmates: Mrs.
      .
      , we are glad we
      found you,Steve and me will be out soon. My unlisted phone number and
      address was on the prison files because if he
      escaped I would be
      contacted immediately and he got a copy of that somehow. Abusers are
      very resourceful. After he was released from prison, he stalked me. I
      ended up leaving state and severing ties with everyone there. I
      finally learned tolove and trust again. I have been with my boyfriend
      for 15 years, we do not live together and we are not married, but this
      is what works for me. I survived because I had some good close
      friends who listened and cried with me, without judging the stages of
      anger, grief and loss that I went through.. I would not wish that
      experience on my worst enemy. Again, your friend and her children are
      in my thoughts and prayers.

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