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      Personally, my own feelings are that the business is dead in the

      water. He needs to figure out the finances better, whether it means

      charging more, or cutting back to part time and doing a part time

      job outside it, or closing up shop and getting a regular paying full

      time job.

      You support the family now, you cover the house work. In the past,

      you’ve been the head of house, based solely on bringing home the

      most money. You have a right to your opinion, and when the family is

      hurting, you have a right to ask for things to get better.

      Maybe give him a time limit on making better profits, or it’s time

      to call it quits. Sit with him, tell him you are not asking for him

      to give up his dream, but you are asking for him to bring home

      enough money to help support the family.

      Have a plan, have a time limit. Tell him something like, “I’m giving

      you 6 more months to make it work. If you can’t pull in better money

      at this, and things are still bad around the house, then you need to

      end the business and get a real job.”

      In the mean time, for chores, have the kids helping out. They’re old

      enough to have chores that are bigger than just picking up after

      themselves. Have your 6 year old help with getting the table set for

      dinner, and picking up dirty laundry to put into baskets, or picking

      up the living room and dusting.

      Have your 9 year old help with dishes, vaccuuming, and cleaning up

      in the bathrooms or kitchen.

      Make a chart for daily chores- no TV until chores & homework are

      done. On top of that, make a weekend day when hubby isn’t working a

      cleaning day once a month, or every other weekend. Do a top to

      bottom cleaning, and tell your husband he has to help. Do the

      bedding, the laundry, vaccuum, dust, wash the windows, etc.

      There is no reason he can’t help out around the house. I got lucky-

      my husband does just as much (sometimes more) as I do around the

      house. I know most men aren’t that accomodating, but when it comes

      down to peace of mind, and peace in the house, they can get up off

      thier duffs and help once in a while.

      The bottom line- set goals, specific goals, and tell him they need

      to be met. Make goals for yourself, maybe, as well, so he doesn’t

      feel ambushed.

      Also- it’s low of him to be guilt tripping you over a matter like

      this. That’s my own opinion.

      — In, Jennifer Huff



      > I haven’t posted in awhile, but have been reading the posts and

      > getting good ideas for saving money. My frustration seems so


      > but it is driving me crazy. I am 36, have a DH and DD6 and DD9.


      > my husband got out of the regular Army after the Gulf war, he

      spent 6

      > years trying college, working at McDonalds and then a restaurant


      > me completely supporting us. He finally settled on carpentry and

      > worked for a couple of different people over several years. In


      > he decided to start his own carpentry business and we have been

      > struggling, borrowing, etc as he is trying to make it on his own.


      > work 20 hrs per week in a very physical job and work for medical

      > benefits for the family. There are weeks when I have worked 40hrs

      > (covering for co-workers) and I am exhausted by the end of the


      > In addition, the house looks like bomb went off in it. My husband

      > doesn’t do much around the house(mostly dishes, mowing lawn or

      > shoveling) and occasional other stuff if I beg him. I can live


      > this if I am only working 20hrs, but not if I have to work 40 hrs.


      > keep trying to get him to work for someone else as he is not


      > enough to make ends meet, but then I get the guilt trip, “Ok, so


      > are going to make me give up my dream. I know I am a failure.” He


      > a great carpenter, but a lousy businessman. We never seem to make

      > enough money. I guess I feel like I supported us for 6 yrs, hell,

      > only one year in 15 did he make more money than me (me part-time,


      > full-time) and I don’t feel like I should have to do the same


      > now, especially since I take care of the children most of the


      > and do 90% of the housework! Am I being petty or should I give

      him a

      > swift kick in the butt to get a job with someone else? I have


      > use my extra time at home to help his business, but I’m not the


      > business inclined person either. I don’t know how to organize the

      > bills/paperwork for his small business and we can’t afford to


      > someone. I have a hard enough time organizing the family bills/

      > papers. Any suggestions?

      > Jennifer


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