Frustrated!

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      Jennifer, I would just liketo congratulate you on being so strong and holding it all together. It sounds like you’ve saved your family. You have earned my respect. I’ll tell you what I did when we were struggling…When we were working on our small business and things weren’t working out I got a job to support us. After a time I went to my husband and asked him what he thought about the situation. I asked him what he wanted to do. That opened a dialog. He told me he wanted to close the business. He told me that he wanted to move on. He just didn’t want me to think badly about him. After that, it was easier for us to talk because I asked him how he wanted to handle things. No nagging, no ultimatums, no time-lines, etc. He came up with the solution. I don’t knowif you’ve tried asking him for solutions (or if it will work with you husband). But I have found thattelling men or nagging men makes them defensive.
      Asking them motivates them to find solutions. It seems like a subtle difference to me, but it works great with my husband. I do that with the housework. I say, “Laundry needs to be washed and folded and the carpet needs to be vacuumed. Which do you want to do?” He chooses the chore he wants to do. Again, this works with my man, I don’t know if it will work with yours. I feel for you and wish you the best. I don’t know if I’ve helped you or not. I just wanted to you to know that some of us have been there and it will work out. Marie
      Jennifer Huff wrote: I haven’t posted in awhile, but have been reading the posts and
      getting good ideas for saving money. My frustration seems so petty,
      but it is driving me crazy. I am 36, have a DH and DD6 and DD9. When
      my husband got out of the regular Army after the Gulf war, he spent 6
      years trying college, working at McDonalds and then a restaurant with
      me completely supporting us. He finally settled on carpentry and
      worked for a couple of different people over several years. In 2002
      he decided to start his own carpentry business and we have been
      struggling, borrowing, etc as he is trying to make it on his own. I
      work 20 hrs per week in a very physical job and work for medical
      benefits for the family. There are weeks when I have worked 40hrs
      (covering for co-workers) and I am exhausted by
      the end of the week.
      In addition, the house looks like bomb went off in it. My husband
      doesn’t do much around the house(mostly dishes, mowing lawn or
      shoveling) and occasional other stuff if I beg him. I can live with
      this if I am only working 20hrs, but not if I have to work 40 hrs. I
      keep trying to get him to work for someone else as he is not earning
      enough to make ends meet, but then I get the guilt trip, “Ok, so you
      are going to make me give up my dream. I know I am a failure.” He is
      a great carpenter, but a lousy businessman. We never seem to make
      enough money. I guess I feel like I supported us for 6 yrs, hell,
      only one year in 15 did he make more money than me (me part-time, him
      full-time) and I don’t feel like I should have to do the same thing
      now, especially since I take care of the children most of the time
      and do 90% of the housework! Am I being petty or should I give him a
      swift kick in the butt to get a
      job with someone else? I have tried
      use my extra time at home to help his business, but I’m not the most
      business inclined person either. I don’t know how to organize the
      bills/paperwork for his small business and we can’t afford to hire
      someone. I have a hard enough time organizing the family bills/
      papers. Any suggestions?
      Jennifer

      Don’t pick lemons.

      See all the new 2007 cars at Yahoo! Autos.

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