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      I watched a documentary on Ted Kyzinsky (sp) the Unibomber and his mom said he was really sick as a baby and was in the hospital..after that he never bonded with her again and totally changed and trusted nobody. He had RAD…very sad as he was a normal caring baby before that.

      To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
      From: hslinks@gmail.com
      Date: Sat, 15 Mar 2008 15:46:46 -0400
      Subject: Re: Budget101.com : Re:: FOSTER PARENTING 2

      RAD reactive attachment disorder ..

      kids do not bond with anyone or anything .. they have survival techniques when younger IE: acting cute etc so they get fed etc .. but no true bonding or caring

      CAUSE: trauma, also some kids who have had numerous hospitializations can become RAD .. there are now some therapists who work with parents and children, but good ones are hard to find .. after almost 22 years (minus 4 months) my dd could care less about the family as long as the current placement continues to give her things and not expect her to do anything other than clear her dishes (thats all the jobs/chores she has at age 22 now)

      We adopted, but as I said you can have a bio child with RAD because of trauma or hospitalizations (yours or theirs)


      On 3/15/08, mem68[/B] <mildreda@lcs.net> wrote:

      What is RAD?
      Are these foster,adopted,or your own children?
      Did these things happpen now or in the past?


      Original Message
      From: R NORTH
      To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Friday, March 14, 2008 2:08 PM
      Subject: Re: Budget101.com : Re:: FOSTER PARENTING 2

      C: Tho I know bipolar is genetic I supppose FAS could cause italso. But since bio mom has it then that’s likely where it came from.

      R: Bio-mom was FAS, her mother was probably FAS too .. 5 generations of women all alcoholic having kids .. all low functioning too (FAS is leading cause of MR)

      C: But, a couple took in a little boy under a year old. They wanted to adopt him but couldn’t because of the above issue. Just after this child turned 6 they gave him back to his bio mom who he had ever seen in all that time. Two weeks later he was foundstabbed to death, his bio mom killed him cause he was crying. As the story goes he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days. I think at that age I’d be crying too if I hadn’t have any food like that. But of course the worker that allowed that to happen never was fired or changed in his death.

      R: stories like this abound unfortunately they are true .. Why would anyone with common sense say gee lets wait 5+ years to terminate rights? I have a really tough love idea .. get your shit in one sock and together in 6 months, if you aren’t clean and sober, you aren’t working on getting some educational skills, or a job, then you are NOT ready to get that child back , 1 more chance in 3 months then thats it .. 9 months tops then get the kids into a permanent home, one that is safe

      I think workers that are pushed by bosses to realease kids back into biohomes before its safe should be able to call up some state judicial agency .. Judges that release these kids when the bioparents have NOT completed parenting classes, etc should be hung up to dry

      C: Maybe it depends on what state you live in but I thought foster kids would get Medicaid to pay for their medical expenses.

      R: foster kids get medicaid .. its when you adopt fosties, they push for no medicaid no support at first in many places .. But without it you may not have any insurance depending on what the regs are for your work ..

      C: Just tobe clear here if you don’t mind, what is Matt’s DX and how old was he when this happened?

      R: Matt had just turned 11 when he raped Bonnie (who was 10, MR) .. He had come out of a psych ward that fall .. the kids were overmedicated, ages 8-18, male & female ward, the nurses desk was off to side so you couldn’t see the rooms, the night shift on Fridays were watching porn .. we pulled him AMA when we walked in on a Sat and one girl was melting on the floor (like the silver guy in the terminator movie), extremely overmedicated .. I found out from Matt they had given him a drug 2 days before that he had a severe reaction to (they never called) … the kids asked to put in a movie staff said fine – it was the porn they had forgotten to take home – gang rape scenes in less than the first 5 mins .. that was it I had had it

      I am pretty sure Matt was sexually assaulted at the psych placement .. This however did not give him the right to do it to others

      Matt as a child FAS, ADHD, ODD/CD, PTSD, Intermittent explosive disorder, BP, brittle diabetic,some Drs called him a sociopath even that young.. at the time I didn’t know about RAD he is definately a RADster .. while in residentials he sexually attacked at least one other girl, broke window over pregnant womens head etc etc .. very violent

      he is 23 now, in and out of jail, doing drugs, alcohol, we have a protection order out because he wants to kill us, apparently some charges pending for ‘reg’ sexual assault, some supposedly on minors

      *SIDE NOTE: my DIL mother had been hospitalized there over 35 years ago and same issues then with medications etc

      C: If parents can’t cook or don’t understand how to feed a infant seems to me likethat the baby should be taken and right’s termated right then and there. I also think bio parents should have to be drug tested weekly and if they show + for drugs three different weeks that should end it. And the child never goes back there.

      >R I have never understood why you would return kids to a home when they have 18 broken bones, none set BTW …
      Yea that’s a sure sign that that the kids don’t go back. Letting them go back into that is wrong no matter how you look at it.

      >R Another bio-mom said she would quit drinking and they will occasionally do an alcohol test on her (if she shows for the appt) so
      > its ok to send the kids back? ..
      Instead of occasionally it should of been weekly, and if she didn’t show the first time that was the end.

      R: My littles were bio-babies #4 & 5, I had a worker pissed off because I called all excited because “A” finally sorta touched Matt (it took 45 mins) her response “she’s there to learn parenting – teach her how to make a Peanut butter sandwich” .. hello? she was 20 years old andafter 5 kids I am sure she knew how to make a sandwich, she didn’t know how to talk to kids, or pick them up or snuggle or anything like that ..duh?

      C: Yes I’m sure with my kids (I’m the bio mom) having the internet would of helped me out a lot. See sometimes these kids that have issues like these two aren’t even in foster care but at home with a mom that tried her best to do for them. But when you have one that’s bipolar, that’s got issues that the mom doesn’t know about (youngest was abused by bio dad). I didn’t know at the time it was happening because there was never a mark on him no clue to get my attention and of course from the time he learned to talk til after I left the jerk he was to afraid to speak up and come out and tell me

      Yes it can affect your health, I never had a break. I’m sure some would say if they were that hard to handle why not give one up or both. No way would I of even thought that and because I’m the safe person so to speak I still and I guess always will get some attacks verbally by the youngest.

      R: Physcial or sexual abuse on the youngest? regardless it becomes a trust issue .. Bonnie even blamed her younger brother because he didn’t stop it – he didn’t know it was happening either ..

      if sexual try rape crisis, they are fantastic .. even years after the rape they showed up at a DHS meeting because there was a male worker and Bonnie was scared to death .. I could call when guilt hit (how could I not see it etc etc) ..

      even with physical abuse it will take time for him to accept good touches (rough housing etc) without having issues

      Remind the kids “when YOU knew you made sure it stopped” ..

      Expect some flashbacks, when they are younger preliterate sometimes stuff comes out years later .. apparently “A” pushed Matt down the stairs before I got him, it came out one day when we were snuggling in chair .. sometimes their memory is in very disjointed jumbled picture format

      Some kids become RAD after trauma .. Is he acting out at this time? The RAD list I am on had been a life saver, I wish I had had it from the beginning

      Do you need a BP support list? I can check for one ..


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