- This topic has 7 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated January 4, 2007 at 6:17 am by .
- January 4, 2007 at 6:17 am #250871Guest
Melissa, my husband and I took a Positive Discipline class (and read
the book by the same name) when our kids were young, and they told usto do EXACTLY what you did. And, yes, it works.
We give our kids choices, but the choices are limited to what we’re
willing to offer them. For example, we never said, “Do you want to goto bed now?” Instead the choice was, “Do you want to wear the red
pajamas or the blue pajamas?”
At mealtime, I always gave the kids “The Cereal Option.” If theydidn’t want to eat what I put in front of them, they were free to go
to the kitchen and get themselves a bowl of cereal. No discussion, no
questions asked, no need for them to complain about my cooking or forme to question their choice.
Sometimes we would worry about fairness to the kids when one of them
needed something really big, such as a computer. But my sister, whois a special ed teacher, explained to me that “Fair means everyone
gets their needs met, not that everyone gets the same thing.” We’ve
always told our kids that, and so there hasn’t been jealousy over theoccasional big purchase because they understand it all evens out over
I think if we’d given the kids everything they wanted, like somefamilies do, we wouldn’t have their college savings set aside–which
we do! We used one of those state programs for buying credits at
today’s prices, regardless of what the credits might actually cost inthe future when the kids use them. Our oldest is a junior in college
and we have barely had to scratch the surface of that tuition savings
plan yet. And this on my part-time income and my husband’s civilservice income!
I really believe that good parenting and frugality go hand in hand. We
have an obligation to teach our kids to manage their money. This getsharder and harder to do…there was a great article in Saturday’s Wall
Street Journal about how allowances are being replaced now by the
parents using credit cards to pay for kids’ ITunes downloads, videogame online accounts, eBay purchases, etc. So it gets harder to teach
kids how to handle their money because so much of it is just
electronic transfers now.This is so true with our youngest, who is 14…she rarely handles any
real money…but we’re helping her write it all down, anyway, so she
gets used to making a budget on paper even if she doesn’t handle theactual cash.
Well, enough musings from this “old” mom. In some ways, I’m glad I
didn’t get into the child rearing business until I was in the mymid-30s, because it gave me time to establish my own values first.
Also to make a bunch of my own financial mistakes before I passed them
on to the next generation LOL!Sue
— In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, “DVICTOR1”
>> I was tired of everyone looking through the fridge and cabinets
> what they wanted me to fix them for a meal. I finally put my footdown. I
> told them from here on out, the only time they will be ordering
their meal> is when we go to a restaurant! I told them I will put their meal on
> in front of them and that will be their meal. My oldest daughter hates> spaghetti so I do have an exception for a peanut butter sandwich if they
> don’t like what is being fixed.
>> It was amazing how fast they all adapted to it. The whining
> nagging for something I would not give them.gone! I wish I hadthought of
> doing this sooner.
>> Melissa in OK
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