- June 22, 2008 at 7:12 pm #258610
MARIA: Recently we were at the public pool,and my son saw this boy who
was clearly younger then him,and smaller in height as well…. The kid
was sitting with his feet in the pool and my son pushed him in
RIA: 4 of 5 of my kids are special needs, behavior, medical and even
MR etc etc so I am not picking on you or your son ..
regardless of his social skills or lack of them – reality is he was
the bully at the pool .. he should have apologized to the young boy.
If needed you could verbally cued him to do so
As for the other kid – what if his swimming skills were not that good?
or non existent?
Chances are since it was out of the blue he also swallowed some water
.. Personally when my kids were little at the pool, they would be in
so much trouble for being wet (it means they were in the pool without
Don’t assume the little boy didn’t have some special needs himself.
Even though he did hit back it doesn’t make it even in a kid’s mind ..
their thinking is: I wasn’t doing anything and a BIGGER/OLDER stranger
came up pushed me in the pool
remind him how it feels to get picked on .. would he feel better if he
got an apology from the kids that pick on him? then so would the
Poor social skills means more work for you. Unfortunately it means you
have to prep him BEFORE you are in public…. before you get out of
the car a reminder … examples: “son, today we are going to the park”
” we are bringing a ball, do not throw it at people” “ask if they want
to play” “what are the rules? no pushing shoving”
It also means you have to be the ‘nag’ where are you going? do you
know those kids? what do you need to say to them first? .. if he does
know them (be aware sometimes its just they think they recognize them
from somewhere) what are their names? where did you meet them? are
these the kids that were picking on you? (many times our kids will
still want to play with them)
How is he for transistioning? My middle one was horrible on any changes
This summer check with the library for book club, any nature clubs in
area? Try to get him into some small groups that you can ‘volunteer’
as a helper (even if in another area). Usually small groups are
better- you can verbally cue before you leave, & before you leave the
car. Try a sing song type rule list.
It stinks but unfortunately kids pick on anyone different, and
EVERYONE is different at some point, but our kids are different
most/all the time .. As they age out, it gets worse.
I honestly think the idea of mainstreaming is not the best, as our
kids do not present their best (especially all day) if they only were
mainstreamed for subjects they were good in, it would help. My second
son (34) was the last kid who had the old style special ed .. He did
not mainstream for math till he was able to do it – he knew it was a
real accomplishment .. Matt, middle kid (now 22) did the whole
mainstream except for certain classes – it was horrible .. they took
him out of science to do math, sent him back during reg math (so he
missed science), took him out of history for reading and lang arts
(again he missed hist)
I started my kids early on skills that their peers did not have.. So
they learned to use tools and made bird feeders, bird houses etc for
the classroom .. They cooked early so they could bring in a meal that
had to do with what country they were studying in history. My dd is
MR (mentally retarded) but she learned to use tools by age 6 (nothing
fancy at that point but still more than the average 6 yr old), by 8
she could with help cook special meals or goodies for the classroom.
Any physical skills? My 2nd son was one heck of a runner so that
became his skill for getting more friends, they were all in track. I
did the track mom bit and brought first aid kit, water, gloves in
early spring (it was cold), etc etc .. Once I got pregnant with #5 it
did mean I had to cut back but by then he was pretty tight with the
There are all kinds of materials for free online (or write me direct
at HSLINKS@aol.com) .. if he learns astronomy and you are outside
checking out stars this is a skill for later in science and also for
nature club .. ditto bird identification
Can you adopt a corner or flower box in area? This way he can learn
about plants, but more importantly people passing by see him doing
‘good’.. those that walk usually comment in a positive manner (very
important for our kids) .. Many elders are lonesome and love to chat,
he is learning social skills even though its not with kids
Boys today don’t get a chance to work with their hands .. I was lucky
because our backyard became the place kids could build bikes, make
forts etc etc ..If they didn’t know how to fix their bikes I showed
them how, if they wanted to build then I had the tools etc. It was
messy and the one neighbor would call codes every so often, but the
kids knew if they wanted to play in the yard – they had to follow the
list owner of :
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