- This topic has 36 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated March 5, 2009 at 8:06 pm by .
- January 27, 2009 at 9:19 pm #270008
Self-confidence does not come naturally to everyone. The good news is that it is possible to gain self-confidence. Here’s what to do.
Smiling. People like friendly people – and nothing says someone is approachable like a smile. Plus, it’s been shown that smiling on the outside will improve a person’s mood. The combination of feeling better and getting nods and smiles from other people is a great confidence booster.
Maintaining good posture. Standing tall improves a person’s looks and shows the person feels secure and confident. Bad posture, on the other hand, can zap a person’s energy and stress their back and shoulders.
For many people, just being aware of how they sit, stand, and walk can be enough to improve their posture. Other people can benefit from “core” body exercises like yoga or Pilates. Still others might merit a trip to the chiropractor.
However a person gets their posture, standing tall is a simple thing that goes a long way to showing self-confidence.
Making eye contact. People who feel painfully shy often avoid looking at others. Unfortunately, the message they often end up giving is “Leave me alone!” Meeting someone’s gaze – whether it is a cute stranger or a job interviewer – lets them know that a person is approachable and confident.
People used to averting their eyes can find it difficult to look at others, but this will improve with time. Shy people can practise holding a stare for two seconds, then longer until they work up to five seconds.
Preparing for events. Some things are stressful enough without people sabotaging themselves. But insecure people sometimes avoid preparing for things that make them feel uncomfortable… which only increases their anxiety and decreases their performance… which makes them feel that they were right in thinking they are no good at whatever it is.
The best way to stop this cycle and feel confident about giving a speech or going for an interview or dancing in public or what have you is by knowing what to expect and what to do.
Being bold. Whether it’s giving a speech or dancing in public, sometimes people have to put themselves out there and do something that doesn’t come naturally or that doesn’t make them feel comfortable. Most things only get easier with experience.
People need to push through their fears to see that they are mostly unfounded. It’ll get a little easier each time until it’s no longer necessary to fake the self confidence …it’s really there.
Giving oneself some slack. Nobody’s perfect, but people tend to obsess about what they don’t like about themselves. People who do this don’t give others much of a chance to notice all the things about them that are great. When self-defeating thoughts start, people need to take a deep breath and move on.
Almost everyone feels insecure sometimes, but self-confident people don’t let those doubts control them.
Knowing when to say no. People who lack self-confidence sometimes let themselves be used by others. Perhaps they are pleased that others notice their existence, or they don’t want to disappoint.
Whatever the reason, it is important not to let oneself be used. It lowers one’s confidence and can even put a person in a dangerous situation. People who don’t give someone the time of day unless you are doing something for them are not worth the effort.
Being able to say no shows a person cares about themself and can be a great boost to self-confidence.
Taking care of oneself. People often fail to notice how their emotions and their physical well-being interact. When people don’t get enough sleep, don’t provide the proper fuel for their body, and don’t move their bodies, it is hard for them to feel good about themselves.
Taking care of one’s body will lift a person’s mood, boost their energy level, and improve their looks… making it that much easier to feel self-confident.
- January 28, 2009 at 11:34 am #412799
Thanks Lynn, I had my d read this one 🙂
- January 28, 2009 at 11:47 am #412805
Its hard to train yourself to be confident if you’re not used to it. In middle school I ended up training myself for a more confident me, it really helped my mood out. Posture thing is something I really need to train myself on though, even earlier today I notice I’ve been slouching a lot…
its hard for me for some reason.
- January 28, 2009 at 11:53 am #412801
I have always had a self confidence problem when I was in school. I am a red head and YES I always got picked on!! Yes it was very hard to train myself But I basically taught myself that I am better than that and smiles hid the alot.
- January 28, 2009 at 11:56 am #412809
It makes no sense to me why people always have this need to pick at each other with something as menial as having a certain color hair.
- January 28, 2009 at 11:58 am #412811
Amen Lynn, I am still having problems with that one.
- January 28, 2009 at 12:04 pm #412814
Yep Jaime…it really gets to you….Now (I bet you know this one) the men wont stop flirting cause of the red hair!!!
- January 28, 2009 at 12:08 pm #412816
That’s so true…the comments really get annoying. It’s so sad that I pay to be brunette. Of course.
I am not so red headed anymore…some white is showing up LOL
- January 28, 2009 at 1:04 pm #412834
The red here is bright….no gray yet- knock on wood!!! but I agree the comments are annoying….only got bad attention when we were young!!
- January 28, 2009 at 1:08 pm #412836
…Does everyone get bad attention as a child from other children? Like everyone I know had a childhood where they were continuously picked on.
- January 28, 2009 at 1:27 pm #412839
The popular ones and the rich ones…as I recall didnt get picked on …oh and the Jocks….man that was a long time ago too!!!
- January 28, 2009 at 1:43 pm #412842
eeehh… rich still get picked on. At least at my school they did.
Jocks never do though, do they…
- January 28, 2009 at 1:45 pm #412843
The kind ones always got picked on too!!
- January 28, 2009 at 1:47 pm #412844
Which is a shame since that can and does leave some of the kindest kids cynical later on
- January 28, 2009 at 1:48 pm #412845
Oh I agree..my youngest is shy for the most part (not sure if she got picked on) and she is such a smarty pants at home….wonder if that has something to do with it?
- January 28, 2009 at 1:50 pm #412847
I noticed I got really snarky around the time I realized I was being picked on. I think its a coping thing.
- January 28, 2009 at 1:51 pm #412848Quote:…does everyone get bad attention as a child from other children? like everyone i know had a childhood where they were continuously picked on.
yes, i think that every child is picked on in one way or another. i also think that what we remember about being picked on is all in the effect it had on you at the time.
for you redheads :), i am a blonde and was picked on over that all the “stupid blonde” jokes. doesn’t matter someone, somewhere will find a reason to pick on you for something. i would always, and still do…just smile that cocky smile and usually say something along the lines of what a shame you feel so low about yourself that you feel you need to insult me.
most of the time it shuts them up pretty quickly. 🙂
- January 28, 2009 at 1:53 pm #412849
I am not sure about most redheads…but I was picked on so badly – I got into fights, got thrown across the room by a boy who thought that redheads shouldnt live, no jokes just the bad stuff. It has made me tough though. Smiling and not letting anyone know that they got to you/me helped!!
- January 28, 2009 at 1:55 pm #412850
I had brown hair, but lived by my own rules which got me ridiculed a lot. I was basically a loner throughout elementary and middleschool
- January 28, 2009 at 3:03 pm #412865
I think at some point most children are pick on -they need to stand up for themselves -or be pushed around for ever .I have taught me kids to stand up for themselves -not to be afraid to get someones face if they are being rude to them or some other person and stand up for whats right – no-one deserves to be picked on for whatever reason. I think kids that pick on or bully are more afraid inside – they just do it to make themselves feel good. Bobbi -ne
- January 29, 2009 at 9:22 am #412993Quote:i got into fights, got thrown across the room by a boy who thought that redheads shouldnt live, no jokes just the bad stuff.
lynn, honey, that is not being picked on that is pure child abuse!!!
glad that somehow you have managed to survive through all that and are the wonderful caring person that you are today. 🙂
- January 30, 2009 at 2:30 am #413094
and in some cases “fake til you make it.”
- February 9, 2009 at 11:22 pm #414449
I think those days really made me stronger…I know they have a no bullying act in schools now…I sure hope they enforce it!!
- February 10, 2009 at 12:44 am #414465
They do, but they don’t. The child being bullied needs to stand up and say what’s going on or it’ll be overlooked. And if there’s a controversial reason the child is being bullied it might be overlooked also such as a child being gay or a sexist school.
- February 10, 2009 at 7:28 am #414476
my cousin is 14 and he’s getting bullied pretty bad.. he’s the new kid and he’s overweight. he has chubbiness to him.
and he’s really smart and he likes video games and is good at computers, aka a nerd.. and i keep telling him the other kids are jealous because they wish they could sleep through class and get A’s like him. and the principal has only made it worse but not doing a stinking thing.
it’s sad to see him going through that kibble.
- February 10, 2009 at 7:48 am #414480
I hate to say it, but in every case a kid has brought a weapon to school they were severely bullied, which is why schools need to step up more instead of as Kawaii said- ignore it or make it worse.
Quite honestly, your cousin is going to be the boss of some of the same kids that bullied him in high school. Which I’ve heard can and does happen from an art teacher- Her daughter in high school ended up being bullied then about 5 years later when her bully looked for a job came begging to her.
- February 10, 2009 at 11:55 pm #414615
there’s already been cases of kids bringing guns and drugs to his school.. i fear for him everyday.. i tell him he’s going to own his business and all of his bullies are gonna come to him for jobs..
and he started laughing and said they would all have the same job.. wiping his butt.. it’s funny to laugh about it, but he also said he would give them jobs for real because their families don’t need to suffer for them being a jerk in school.
i was shocked he’s so much bigger than most people..
- February 11, 2009 at 12:57 am #414620
Its amazing how even the people who are continually battered emotionally will still have compassion for the people that cause them so much pain.
- February 11, 2009 at 6:45 am #414647
oh i know it is.. amazing thing the human heart is..
- February 12, 2009 at 8:34 am #414787
My son is legally blind and in the middle school it was pretty bad for him and all the bullying, he is now a junior in high school and he it better – although there are alot of kids who ignore him but that – I have come to the conclusion – is due to him have to work with so many specialists and assistants so he doent have much time to make friends. AJ has become a smart and compassionate young man but I do see how the bullying effected him.
- February 14, 2009 at 6:39 pm #414806
Great post Lynn. My grandfather used to tell me that when someone is talking to you you should always look them in the eyes, out of respect. So I always looked at it this way, it gave me a chance to see what color their eyes were……looking someone in the eyes tell you alot about a person.
The eyes never lie, even if the person is.
- February 14, 2009 at 7:22 pm #414807
You know, everyone I talk to I look them in the eye out of respect… most people I do it to think its creepy the amount of focus I give them. But I’m actually completely unable to read eyes while 75% of people around me always say they can read them.
- February 15, 2009 at 11:03 am #414868
I had the absolute pleasure of taking on the responsibility of a kid, and his age was 15 at the time. lol, he was my daughters boyfriend. this boy had so many phobias, and personal problems, but way past that, down deep inside, he was the sweetest kid you could ever find,(besides mine of course..lol lol) .
his story could fill 10 pages. He was teased in HS, because he was a nerd, overweight, and had the habit of appearing to ignore you while you were speaking to him. He would sit acrossed the room, and look straight down at his feet the entire time you were talking to him.
After living in our home, until he was 18 years old, and went off to college, he is now in medical school. He is a RT, and will soon be a Pulmonologist. Thank goodness, we didn’t shun him, or who knows where he would have ended up. All my heart goes out to anyone who has been bullied or teased, or picked on.
- February 15, 2009 at 12:15 pm #414872
What a moving story…..I almost cried! He is blessed to have you in his life!!! Big hugs to you!!!!
- February 15, 2009 at 1:36 pm #414894
Teasing hurts and if you really don’t get the chance like that young boy you took care of it can really affect your social skills. I’m glad to hear you really helped him out, the story is really powerful in and of itself
- February 15, 2009 at 3:26 pm #414914
That was a wonderful story!!! Your a a blessed person mardhines!!!
- February 22, 2009 at 4:23 am #415655
Hey Gidge…..isnt that awesome!!
- March 5, 2009 at 8:06 pm #416823
You know, I have been going through alot lately…I just had to come back and re-read this over and over….it sure does help me!!!
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