Budget101.com divorce advice?

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You can not just tell the school who can and cannot pick up the child – it does NOT work that way – they have to have the order on file and then they let the appropriate people know. If the child is in day care the same there – I know first hand, I’ve been going through this for 18 years now – if there is NO restraining order pretty much anyone can come in and get the child – father, grandparents – granted you have to have them on the signature card and that is some protection but not enough – if the father goes to the school and signs out the child ‘I’m his Dad picking up Timmy for a doctors appt’ the school will normally let the child go

If she can not afford an attorney call Legal Aid – they will help – she needs to go in and meet with an attorney there – fill out paperwork

Sometimes a lawyer will help if a payment plan is set up – if you can help with a down payment for the lawyer she can work out the rest – this happened with my divorce my parents put the payment down to retain the attorney

A Family Support judge can be the only one to set visitation and this is ONLY in a case of a divorce – she needs to get him served with divorce paperwork – that will put the oneness on him to get a lawyer to counter sue/divorce – child support will be in that paperwork – he needs to react to that – she NEEDS TO BE THE ONE TO SERVE HIM

This is how it goes – divorce – visitation/child support initiated by court – she then retains a lawyer through child support agency if he wants to change the order

I went to court three times for this – visitation and child support – EACH time he had to get his own lawyer and I had one from the Child Support District Attorney’s office – ACTUALLY I found the paperwork from my last trial the other night

First two trials he didn’t show, support was found in my favor – the third time he/parents hired a lawyer and a annoying one at that, the judge did not like her at all – actually she made our case to be the last one heard cause she kept bugging the judge and this was all in my favor actually

I brought in EVERY child care check – EVERY check for school clothes – EVERYTHING that represents supporting the kids – he was not paying child support, he refused – his lawyer subpoenaed all my employment records for some reason, got pay stubs etc – DA got his also

Got in front of the judge and his lawyer starts popping off at the mouth on I pay too much for child care, I’m keeping the kids from him, our second daughter isn’t his (she is but thats what he says) – it went on – the DA gave supporting documents – his paystubs (he was putting money away so that child support couldn’t be taken out) – he showed that the father refused to come to CA to visit – he showed letters from my ex stating he will not pay support and doesn’t care what the government says – then his lawyer looks at my child care checks and so does the judge – we were talking $300-$400 a month for two children for after school care.

Judge tells my ex – the daughter is his – if he disputed paternity he should have done so when she was born, she was 9 years old then – that he was to pay an increase of $200 (it went up to $1012 a month – which included arrears) and we were to go to mediation for visitation – he told my ex do not come back into this courtroom until he started paying child support, he was informing the other state (ex was and is in AZ) of his non compliance – he will put an order in contempt and the first missed CS payment he would be in jail

So the ex is staring at me like he’s going to kill me (my parents are with me and my Dad was a darn Chief of Police at that time for goodness sakes!) we have a bailiff escort us out – and the bailiff gives my ex (when we were walking to our cars) the appt slip for our mediation – ex tears up the slip in front of the bailiff – tells us to f*** off and he’ll kill me – bailiff goes for his gun, gets in a stance – his parents yell to me they will take the kids cause I’m an irresponsible cruel mother and they will know what I am

I get a restraining order – father and his parents don’t contact us again – well father did about 3 years later wanting for me to drop child support again

But this is how it goes – it’s not an easy road BUT most times the threats are just that threats and nothing is done but to be safe the custodial parent needs to keep expert records, save every receipt, get character witnesses, etc.

So for people to say get a lawyer who wants to get dirty – or that no one can take the kids out of school – is mis informed – I’ve dealt with 4 states and it’s a long hard road – my kids are 19 and 16 and I’m still looking for Child support – he’s about $99,000 in arrears and I will get it – my next step is now the press and the governor – my Dad who is now retired is helping me put a packet together and it’s going to the head of Family Support of CA – he will have 30 days to get something going and then I’m going to the AP, CNN, HN, the governor, congressman and senate – I will not let this rest until my ex is either back behind bars or pays

(there is more my ex was in jail 4 times with no help from the other state – I paid all medical/dental, now college and cars, etc. not a penny from him)

Sorry so winded

Quote:

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Original Message
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From: sandy miller
To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Friday, February 01, 2008 10:10 AM
Subject: Re: Budget101.com : Budget101.com divorce advice?

First things first-she needs to seek out a good attorney that can get dirty if he needs to.She needs a restraining order if she feels threatened.She does need to let the school know of certain people that can pick up the child and the certain people that can not be allowed to leave the school without that child.IF they are divorced and the ex has visitation rights,she can request that the visits are monitored by a third individual that she feels comfy in knowing will not allow him to say anything wrong to the child or leave with the child.She needs to make sure to watch the child for any signs that he is having a hard time with everything that is going on and if he does then she needs to make sure he sees a health counselor so that he can get his feelings out about everything.IF they are not divorced she needs to get something going on that as soon as possible before he does and make sure she is told when he is to be served so that she has that child in her possession at the time because most times whomever has the child at the time is the one to keep the child until the court grants judgement.She MUST keep a journal and any copies of letters,etc. that the hubby sends her so that when she goews to court she can have the judge read everything.It will help her case out if she were to do this.If the hubby has visits she must make sure to check the child over when he returns and if there are any marks showing that were not there before he left,she must take pics so these can be enterred as evidence of her fears.

mem68 wrote:

Are they divorced?What state did they get divorced in?Did he get visitation rights w the son?She should mk sure at the school that no one can pick him up except her or someone she has appointed. Is he paying her child support?
I think you can put a restraining order against anyone who you fear but please ck w/ someone in that state. It does not cost to get a consultation from a lawyer.
Is she living w/ another male?
Does she have a will -saying who is to get son if something happpens to her etc.
Good luck.

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Original Message
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From: Elizabeth Farnsworth

To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Friday, February 01, 2008 9:56 AM

Subject: Budget101.com : Budget101.com divorce advice?

My aquired daughter left her husband, they have a 5 yr old son.
He was ameniable and agreeable about doing things yesterday but flipped back last night after speaking to his mother. He is threatening criminal abandonment charges,

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