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My mom is ready to divorce her second husband because of this! I feel bad
for her second husband sometimes, but he seems to be so lazy! He bacame a
carpenter at a very young age just like his dad, who immigrated here from
Denmark
.
He was pulled off a bus going into the army, and told he had to
stay here by his dad.

His brother, the “bad party boy” went out into the
world and made something of himself, and today makes a good salary at a good
job, and my stepdad seems very, very, resentful of that. His brother did
thank him at one dinner for “staying behind and taking care of mom and dad”
who were a couple of drunks by then. Often when my stepdads brother is
around, which is rarely, my stepdad goes into this “pity party” of “we don’t
have anything” — “we are poverty”.

The truth is that my mom and stepdad should be middle-class—-they live in
a mobile home that she bought in 1980, putting ten grand down on it. It is
a double wide, they have central a/c, central heat, there are two nice tv’s
in it, plus a small tv we had repaired—-

We were raised that accepting welfare or unemployment was only when you
absolutely had too — that you never, ever just sit on your butt moaning
and complaining about how “there is nothing you can do” —- my stepdad will
not discuss bills at all — I got on my mom years ago mentoning that if
something happened to her, how would he ever live? She showed me one night
that she said “we need to sit down and discuss this” — his response is
always “I”m going to bed” — you can almost see him tugging an invisible
teddy bear to bed!
He seems to feel as if all bills are hers, that she should spend no money on
housewares such as sheets, detergents, etc —

The really sad part is that his only freinds are people who outspend us at
least 20 to one! They throw away stuff that is far better than what we
have! Yet when they try to give him money, he puts on a “funny act” of just
refusing the money!

I can understand that if my mom feels that someone has
overpaid to a rediculous degree, she is going to say no to accepting the
money — but this is obnoxious to his family, who has done a lot for him!
As if our family should live with nothing, and his response is “file
bankruptcy” when he could work maybe 20% harder, and a lot smarter—and it
would make a huge difference!

My mom was hanging on until their old Llaso-Apso died, and she did last
year–now she is going back home to visit with her one surviving sister, who
will come back with her to visit out here more—and she has to consider
what she can do—her health is never good, but she is considering working a
part-time-job, or what her options are.

This is a serious issue, to me any couple worth their salt has to develop
being able to sit down and talk about money, it destroy’s more marriages
than just about anything else! Dr Laura has often quoted that in her house,
if something important has to be decided upon, if they both don’t agree it
doesn’t happen — of course giving each other flexibiltity on the smaller
stuff —-

Dennis

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