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      My mom is ready to divorce her second husband because of this! I feel bad
      for her second husband sometimes, but he seems to be so lazy! He bacame a
      carpenter at a very young age just like his dad, who immigrated here from
      Denmark
      .
      He was pulled off a bus going into the army, and told he had to
      stay here by his dad.

      His brother, the “bad party boy” went out into the
      world and made something of himself, and today makes a good salary at a good
      job, and my stepdad seems very, very, resentful of that. His brother did
      thank him at one dinner for “staying behind and taking care of mom and dad”
      who were a couple of drunks by then. Often when my stepdads brother is
      around, which is rarely, my stepdad goes into this “pity party” of “we don’t
      have anything” — “we are poverty”.

      The truth is that my mom and stepdad should be middle-class—-they live in
      a mobile home that she bought in 1980, putting ten grand down on it. It is
      a double wide, they have central a/c, central heat, there are two nice tv’s
      in it, plus a small tv we had repaired—-

      We were raised that accepting welfare or unemployment was only when you
      absolutely had too — that you never, ever just sit on your butt moaning
      and complaining about how “there is nothing you can do” —- my stepdad will
      not discuss bills at all — I got on my mom years ago mentoning that if
      something happened to her, how would he ever live? She showed me one night
      that she said “we need to sit down and discuss this” — his response is
      always “I”m going to bed” — you can almost see him tugging an invisible
      teddy bear to bed!
      He seems to feel as if all bills are hers, that she should spend no money on
      housewares such as sheets, detergents, etc —

      The really sad part is that his only freinds are people who outspend us at
      least 20 to one! They throw away stuff that is far better than what we
      have! Yet when they try to give him money, he puts on a “funny act” of just
      refusing the money!

      I can understand that if my mom feels that someone has
      overpaid to a rediculous degree, she is going to say no to accepting the
      money — but this is obnoxious to his family, who has done a lot for him!
      As if our family should live with nothing, and his response is “file
      bankruptcy” when he could work maybe 20% harder, and a lot smarter—and it
      would make a huge difference!

      My mom was hanging on until their old Llaso-Apso died, and she did last
      year–now she is going back home to visit with her one surviving sister, who
      will come back with her to visit out here more—and she has to consider
      what she can do—her health is never good, but she is considering working a
      part-time-job, or what her options are.

      This is a serious issue, to me any couple worth their salt has to develop
      being able to sit down and talk about money, it destroy’s more marriages
      than just about anything else! Dr Laura has often quoted that in her house,
      if something important has to be decided upon, if they both don’t agree it
      doesn’t happen — of course giving each other flexibiltity on the smaller
      stuff —-

      Dennis

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