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  1. #1
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    Default Irritated to no end!

    Ok, I'm a little bit more than irritated but since this is a "family" orientated site, I need to keep it clean.

    First, a little background. I'm a confirmed shopacholic. Thanks to my shopping habits, I have a lot of stuff. My husband and I also have a lot of debt to the tune of over $80,000 and that's WITHOUT a house. We're military and living in base housing so we do not have a mortgage and don't really have to worry about utility costs except internet, cable, and phone. When we started looking for a house, we realized that we could not afford a house and all the extra bills that come with. So, we decided to start saving money, paying down bills, and changing our ways. Mainly, my ways.

    I started planning menus since another one of my problems is spending too much money on groceries. I used to charge groceries on a credit card even though we had more than enough at home already. I'm limiting my time and trips to ANY stores and the credit cards stay at home. DH and I sat down looked at all our credit card bills and have come to an agreement and plan on how we are going to pay them off, pay them down, which ones to keep, which ones to close, etc. I take my lunch to work and no more trips to Starbucks. We've cut down on eating out, even fast food trips for "just an order of fries". We've decided that we are eliminating canned cat food since our cats have dry food down 24/7 and they eat that without a problem. We're keeping our dog on canned food though because she won't eat her dry food by itself.

    Here's the problem...I have a friend that I discuss almost EVERYTHING with. Yesterday, we got a large check from DH's family that we can invest in any way we want. We can even spend it if we choose. DH and I have discussed it and we've decided that it's not really going to do much as far as eliminating debt so we're going to put it into a money market account or CD. When we deposited the check into our checking account (just a safe haven until we decide exactly how to invest it), we found out that $100 would be available immediately. Of course, my first instinct was to spend that $100 since we're pretty much broke. I've been making sandwiches for my lunch with stale bread and we had no snacks in the house. DH and I decided to go to Wal-Mart to get some bread and some snacks. I told my friend about it and she just laid into me about my money habits and did I really need to go to Wal-Mart to get bread and on and on and on. I picked up this CD at Wal-Mart too and when I mentioned it to her, it got even worse. I admit that I really didn't need the CD. It's a workout CD that I got to download to my iPod. Oh, have I got another story about the iPod. I "accidentally" donated my iPod when I dontated one of my backpacks to Goodwill. I had left it in one of the pockets. When I mentioned that I was looking at replacing the iPod and how much it was going to cost, she laid into me again. To get the iPod shuffle, the earbuds I like to use, and the armband needed (ok, wanted) to use it at the gym would cost around $130 and that's with getting TWO iPod shuffles, the armband, and the earbuds.

    Now that I've ranted on and on....I'm just irritated with her right now. I'm a 38 year old grown woman who has made mistakes in the past with money and credit cards. She's 25 and thinks she knows it all. I'm trying to change my ways but it's very difficult for me to change my ways overnight. She's been telling me that I need to change the animals food (they are eating somewhat of an expensive food), cut down on our cable pkg. (we get a deal through our cable provider and if we eliminate the pkg, we would still be paying roughly the same amount of money), and so much unwanted advice on how to cut down on spending money. But yet, they went out and bought a new vehicle earlier in the week. Did they need one? Yes. One of their cars had to have the transmission replaced and supposedly it was cheaper to buy a new vehicle instead of getting the transmission replaced. Instead of buying a more economical vehicle, they bought an $18,000 vehicle with a monthly payment of over $600! I think it's somewhat unfair and wrong that she's preaching to me about my spending habits when they go out and buy this vehicle. It's not the fact that they bought a vehicle (it's their money) but it feels that I'm being treated as a child. I know she's just trying to help, and she has in the past when it comes to my shopping addiction, but enough is enough. If I want spend money on a freaking iPod (it does help make exercising funnier) or a loaf of fresh bread and some snacks, I should be able to without getting the 3rd degree from her.

    Any advice on how to deal with her? Should I just stop talking to her about money matters?


  2. #2
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    Sounds to me like you answered your own question.
    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.


  3. #3
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    You do have a right to be irritated, but remember you stated you are a confirmed "shopaholic". Just with any addiction people have set backs. The fact that you found out you could immediately use $100 of the money and did go out and spend some of it (you did not state how much of the $100 you did spend) your friend is under the impression that you have had a relapse. What will you do as soon as you have access to the rest of the money? Will it be invested right away or will it stay in your checking for a while? When you do have access to it can you keep yourself from spending any of it?

    I am not trying to lecture you like your friend, I am trying to explain from your friends perspective. I have often questioned some friends who complain about having no money for groceries etc, yet seem to have all the money in the world for extravagant vacations. I question them and their reasoning, because I care about them.

    Wish you the best of luck with this, you are the only one who can decide what you discuss with your friend.

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  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by mmclean11 View Post
    Any advice on how to deal with her? Should I just stop talking to her about money matters?
    I feel a little funny giving you advice - considering that we have never me. I don't want to overstep my bounds. But since you asked for advice, I'll throw my two cents in. Do with it what you will.
    As far as how to deal with her, that depends on whether you still want her help with your addiction. If you no longer want her help & it bothers you when she gives it, then I would stop telling her about your money matter. Just don't tell her about money you receive or how you spend it. As you have already stated, its your money (and your husband's) to handle. But keep in mind, that if you stop talking with her about money matters, that means ALL money matters. It wouldn't be fair to her for you to get angry with her for giving you money advice if you are going to complain to her about when you don't have money. (I'm not saying you are complaining to her because I don't know. I'm just saying that "in case.")


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    The money will be invested as soon as the full amount is available. DH and I discussed leaving it in the checking account cause our credit union has this thing called Extreme checking and we earn around 5% interest once our average daily balance is calculated. BUT because of the temptation to use it if it's in our checking, we're going to put it somewhere else with a lower interest rate. We'll earn less money BUT it's going to be safe and out of our reach.

    We spent about $80 and yes, it's a bit extreme for a loaf of bread and some snacks. Honestly, I guess what I'm looking for from her is maybe some praise for the changes I am trying to make. Since I'm trying to loose weight, I'm adding more fruits/vegetables to my diet. I HATE cutting/preparing them though. I have sensitive teeth so if I bite into an apple or pear, my teeth hurt. I used to buy precut, prepackaged fruits/vegetables. Last night, I almost bought packages of cut apples and grapes. I had them in my cart but started thinking of how much the item cost. I decided to put them back, buy fresh apples, grapes and lemon juice. I already had baggies at home. I'm going to cut the apples myself and soak them in a lemon juice/water mixture to keep them from browning. Clean the grapes, combine the apple slices and grapes together, then package them. I buy fresh brocolli and cauliflower and prepare them myself instead of buying prepackaged, precut veggies.

    I really do appreciate the advice, MOST of the time, but it would be nice to get some praise for the changes I do make even if they're not big changes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mmclean11 View Post
    Honestly, I guess what I'm looking for from her is maybe some praise for the changes I am trying to make.
    This is a very valid point! I think you're absolutely right. You know what, if I was your friend I would want you to come to me & tell me how you feel. Maybe she is so focused on trying to help you that she hasn't realized that part of helping someone is also encouraging them when they do something right. Maybe you should tell her about your feelings & that you appreciate when she helps you with your addiction (even though its hard to hear sometimes) but that you also need her to encourage you. Sometimes a little praise goes a long way.
    And good for you for changing what you buy at the grocery store! There's nothing wrong with a little convenience sometimes (like when your having a party, or working long hours, or not feeling well). Sometimes its worth the extra money to get the cut up veggies & fruit, etc. But its wonderful that you're buying the fresh veggies & cutting them yourself! That can save you quite a bit of money! And don't get discouraged! Changes don't happen all at once, but it sounds like you are moving in the right direction!


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    Congratulations on the changes you have made. Not everyone can do that.
    Mdowdy

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  11. #8
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    Think about all the things you have as cash money stapled to the floor and you can't pick it up and put in wallet.

    Ask yourself how much of what I already have did I need? NEED vs WANT very hard concept to understand and really 'get'. We can always figure a way to justify anything, we want. (*chocolate or stuff)

    How much are you using? How much is duplicates or extras? If you aren't using what you bought can you sell it? Even if its pennies on the dollar at a yard sale, its still cash coming in. Especially if you aren't using it. If you have 5 black purses do you really need them all? Sell some, if they are nice you can try ebay, etsy whatever. If you sell DO NOT SPEND THE MONEY - this is not extra money - its money you already spent, it needs to go on the cc.

    MM: ""we decided to start saving money, paying down bills, and changing our ways. Mainly, my ways.""

    Use the commisary or the PX small store for the bread - stay away from box stores.

    In reality going to WM is not a good idea for bread or anything else. They hire psych and everyone else to learn HOW to get the customers money. There's a reason why things are where they are at, its for impulse buying. Just like any other addiction (spending money can be an addiction) you gotta stay away from temptation.

    Leave the check book and the c/c home, carry cash only. In extreme cases carry ID & Lisc nothing else, if you run in for bread have a $5 in your pocket only.

    BTW menu planning is one of the BEST ways to start to save some money. You know what's for dinner so it gets pulled and the excuse nothing is defrosted is null and void.

    Use your crockpot. This way food is done, even if you are late coming home or it was a rotten day. Having meals on schedule usually means you will have left overs, left overs means lunches.

    Instead of thinking of "I hate having to cook etc" think of it as "I saved $10-15-20 tonight"

    Pull out the c/c bills which one has the least amount on it? Thats your start. Pay extra each month (even if its only $20-take that left over $20 and put it on the cc)

    Check out your pantry, whats in there that you haven't used? not crazy about etc? use this stuff up and get it out.

    Go through the recipes here (mos, rtbalt have some great ones), use the internet for FREE diet plans. Even if you can't make everything on plan right away you can plan for next month.


    MM: ""we found out that $100 would be available immediately.""

    $100 may not sound like much, but its an extra $100 on a c/c payment (the one you owe the least on). Add to the exsisting payment

    You would not believe how much those things on cc are going to cost you. When we got Michael (first adoption, but ended up being the second oldest) he was 1 month before 11 yo. He had NOTHING literally, I am talking even his shoes,underwear and socks didn't fit. We were also in military. So I took the cc to buy clothes (Feb) had to get winter stuff (maine) and school clothes, even play clothes, sneaks for home, school and gym, snow pants, coats, hats, mittens etc .. I managed to get winter and a few months later his summer stuff for $2000 total. I never added another thing to that cc. I paid the minimum every month. When he graduated from highschool I was STILL paying on it !! I finally paid it off, almost 10 years later, I hate to think what those mittens, hats etc really cost me.

    MM: ""We've cut down on eating out, even fast food trips for "just an order of fries""

    so how much are you STILL spending for food outside? Everything total?

    I know when Bert would come home and tell me "oh I don't feel like that" "oh at work they ordered in & I had that yesterday" etc I'd get ticked and order out, in fact for years it got to the point that I was so mad that when he'd get home I'd order out because it seemed he never wanted what I had cooked. We are talking the local mom/pop restaurant not highclass, 3 times a week minimum so $60 a week for that.

    There was a time when I had 38 appts a week with the kids (3 littles) - try even 30 trips X $3.

    Dropping the restaurants entirely for a month (including fastfood, coffee, ice tea) WOW huge amount of money all of a sudden.

    Today I haul a large insulated cup with me everywhere it saves me $2.03 every time I don't have buy an Ice Tea at Wendy's because I have it with me.

    I sure wish I had all that money we spent at the restaurant for all those years.

    MM: ""my first instinct was to spend that $100 since we're pretty much broke.""
    ""We spent about $80 and yes, it's a bit extreme for a loaf of bread and some snacks.""
    ""I'm a confirmed shopacholic. Thanks to my shopping habits, I have a lot of stuff.""
    ""I also have a lot of debt to the tune of over $80,000 and that's WITHOUT a house.""
    ""I admit that I really didn't need the CD.""

    But you bought the CD any way. You need to figure out the differance between want & need. And learn to stick to it.

    Do you have a George Forman grill? or even a pancake griddle? or large fry pan? Take a little oil paint on one side of stale bread sprinkle on some seasoning lay down on heat, add sandwich fixings put on top also with a bit of oil. The sandwich will brown like a panini, cheese will melt etc etc.

    MM: ""I "accidentally" donated my iPod when I dontated one of my backpacks to Goodwill.""
    ""I was looking at replacing the iPod and how much it was going to cost, she laid into me again. To get the iPod shuffle, the earbuds I like to use, and the armband needed (ok, wanted) to use it at the gym would cost around $130 and that's with getting TWO iPod shuffles, the armband, and the earbuds.""

    Did you contact them to let them know - sometimes they can find it and return it

    WANT or NEED? you can exercise without it. Reality is you CAN'T afford an Ipod, you owe $80,000 in c/c etc without a house

    You know as a mom I'd tell my kids tough honey - no more ipods till YOU can afford to buy a replacement. CASH after paying bills

    GYM? is it one you have to pay to go to? How much? Can you get out of contract? etc Yes you want to loose weight - you also want to loose debt. Check on base some have gym programs cheap to free. Most bases have a rec area, use it for walking its exercise and free.

    In some areas hospitals or rec depts have an exercise course for free.

    Check with local freecycle for exercise equipement - FREE

    MM: ""I'm a 38 year old grown woman who has made mistakes in the past with money and credit cards.""
    "" used to charge groceries on a credit card even though we had more than enough at home already.""
    ""eliminating canned cat food ""

    I think its this list that they have talked about making changes in spending money - that if you talk about changing to MYO laundry soap but still continue to spend money somewhere else, that essentially its saving pennies and blowing dollars ..

    The cat food is NOT the problem, its the other stuff. For example how many cans of cat food could you have bought for the cost of the CD?

    MM: ""$18,000 vehicle with a monthly payment of over $600!""
    ""I think it's somewhat unfair and wrong that she's preaching to me about my spending habits when they go out and buy this vehicle.""

    18 grand for a car is not a bad price - $600 payments means they either are doubling payments or cut the amount of time for the loan so they won't be paying as much interest.

    Sometimes making sure you have a car before you get out makes sense money wise. If its paid for (short loan time) then its one less thing to worry about when looking for a job etc.

    If you are planning your money you may be thinking ahead what do you want to do in 2-3 yrs Buy a house? Have a baby be at home? etc etc all reasons for higher payment so car gets paid off early

    chances are if the tranny is going, so are other big ticket items coming down the road.

    Do they owe $80,000? ...

    Ria (maine)


 

 
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