Help needed......procrastination- F.A.Q

Help, Does anyone have any advise on procrastinators?? My kids are drving me nuts!! I ask them, leave them notes and voice messages for them to do something but it isnt does - so when I ask - well they tell me that they wanted to do it "later". They eventually do it but I am getting a headache

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  1. #1
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    Paw Help needed......procrastination


    Help, Does anyone have any advise on procrastinators?? My kids are drving me nuts!! I ask them, leave them notes and voice messages for them to do something but it isnt does - so when I ask - well they tell me that they wanted to do it "later". They eventually do it but I am getting a headache - asking so much. 75% of the time they do it right away but that 25% is getting to me. Any ideas??
    Tragedy, sadness, loneliness and despair taught me that life is really a beautiful thing; if it wasn't I wouldn't be able to recognize that anything was wrong - Lynn in Virginia

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    Lynn,
    what are the ages of your children? Mine are 19, 12, 9, and 6. For the younger three I use a money reward system-if they can do something without me asking they get money for things like putting shoes away, making their beds. If I have to tell them to do something by the third time I tell them they owe me. As for the 19 year old forget that, he would lose his head if it was not attached some days.

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    LOL, I am laughing about your 19 year old!! I have a 19 year old daughter who will be 20 in December. She works and goes to college - but we are setting ground rules for her. pitch in or help. She is trying but she does it at the last minute when I ask and it is driving me bonkers. I have a 17 year old son who is legally blind and he works at the local library after school to make money for himself, he helps alot but he will be in the room with his sisters and I call him - well it takes 10 - 15 minutes before he answers me and I feel as though I am about to lose my voice. Then there is the baby. She is 15 and daddys girl. She is a 3.8 GPA student who will be a CNA but the end of this year. (The school has a tech center that she has attended for three years now) I have to ask her 5 - 10 times to do something and she says she will - but its usually a day later....or she will bribe he brother to do it. She baby sits the neighbors kids two nights a week so she makes money for herself too. My husband and I work from 7 am to 7 pm and I have a part time job at night to help when his business slows down (like now) what do you think??

    Thanks Kim !!!!



    Lynn
    Tragedy, sadness, loneliness and despair taught me that life is really a beautiful thing; if it wasn't I wouldn't be able to recognize that anything was wrong - Lynn in Virginia

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    PROCRASTINATORS ? Now are we all having fun yet ? Doesn't every family have one of those? I know my family has one and he is 23. He is so slow moving-till it's something he doesn't mind doing. Oh yes I grew up with 5 brothers and there was one there too. lolll They are both named Michael too ---How funny is that. Since the boys are older now there is a family joke about this.

    One thing I used when he was younger was, when things aren't done that you expect done use the take away closet=what you find is yours and it goes into the closet until they can earn it back. Also taking sometime away as a punishment if something isn't done.

    And my husband used the 3 strikes u are out method -but they only got 2 strikes. He gave the boys the second chance believing they might not have heard him the first time..


    Believe me it does get better. It only takes us now just looking at him. And that is very rarely. Good luck Everyone!!! Just have to find the method that works best for your family. Hope this helps.
    JoAnn
    "Joy is not in things. It is within us"

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    I have a 16 yr old that is a big procrastinator. The only thing that I have found that works with him is to first ask him to do whatever it is you want him to do. I give him a reasonable amount of time to complete the task. If he doesn't do it, I don't ask a second time, I order him to do it NOW! He moans and groans about it, but he gets a chance to be responsible first and then there is no option.

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    LMAO, I grew up with 6 brothers and 5 sisters and we all pitched in. Never would I have thought that my kids would be slackers. LOL. I do the three strikes - but then my kids really only the basics - I take the games away - then they read. I take away - TV privledges - they read. No outside fun - They read. I even tell them no social events - they read. LOL - I love having book worms but they have learned to tone me out sometimes I think. So my husband is helping me too. He is the more stick one anyway and I am hoping that he will instill them with a little eagerness to "help Mom" a little faster. This give me head aches and I end up like my friend - "if you want it done right you will have to do it yourself".

    I hope it does get better, I really hope also that I dont end up with them still living at home when they are 40.

    Michael - something in the name huh? Good luck to you too dear friend!!

    Lynn

    Tragedy, sadness, loneliness and despair taught me that life is really a beautiful thing; if it wasn't I wouldn't be able to recognize that anything was wrong - Lynn in Virginia

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    I don't really have a procrastinator, since she is only 3, but I will ask her over and over again. Arsenal will you pick up your blocks please. She says ok, sometimes she will hold up her finger and say just a minute mommy. But she will not pick them up until I say ok help mommy pick up the blocks and then she will pick them up. I used to use the 123 method but everytime I would say 1 she would say 23 and run, so I am trying to think of something else to use with her. any ideas would be appreciated, she is much more strong willed than my other children.
    Mdowdy

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    My kids are 20,19 & 14 I don't "ask" them to do anything. I tell them, "this needs to be done" and I let them know when it needs to be done by. Laundry doesn't get into the laundry room, guess you're washing your own clothes. Litter box doesn't get cleaned out and I notice it at 10pm, guess you're getting outta bed to do it. Dishwasher doesnt get emptied, same thing.. outta bed sleepy head. When it continues, they start loosing things, computer time, phone, television, school dance...whatever it is. The thing that means the most to them, whether it's their books, phone, friends, doesn't really matter. I would tell my kids "I'm not here to be your friend, that will come later. I'm trying to teach you something now. You don't have to like me at this moment but you will respect me and do as I say and that is that! There is no bargaining, I'm am the parent you are the child"

    When they were younger and I would tell them they needed to tidy up their rooms, I would let them know I wanted it done by a certain time, usually it would be Sunday evening. I would let them know on Friday, they had plenty of time to get things done. If it wasn't, when they came home from school on Monday, their room was bare except for bed and dresser. They had to earn back their things.

    As for the notion that I could do it better myself, well yeah we can do it better ourselves. We've been doing it alot longer. They will never learn how to do it if they don't actually do it. So choose your battles. If you ask them to fold the towels, as long as the towels get folded don't gripe about it. Same with the socks and hanging things up in their closets learn tis one the hard way and it started with my DH. I would moan and groan to him, "you never help me, why?" His comment, well I'm not as perfect as you are and you're just gonna hover over me telling me I'm doing it wrong so why bother. Ouch that stung. So from then on, I shut my mouth and things started getting done more. I think without even realizing, sometimes we send our kids(and Partners) we ask/tell them to do something and then we go right behind them and fix what they did or all together do it ourselves because... we want it done right!!! So we're saying,do it but ya know what, never mind cause your just gonna screw it up so just do it myself.

    Sorry guys don't mean to sound preechy about this or judgemental. Just trying to say you from some of the headache I had to deal with before I wised up! Just my opinion and what happened to work for me and my family.

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    NC_mom
    Way to go!!! I have been pulling a rather mean stunt on mine the past couple of weeks with the other cleaning I have been doing. I am home on Friday's all day and try to do my regular house cleaning and prefer the whole house cleaned. Kids are fully aware of this. I have left one black trash bag on the front porch until they get home from school. Normal trash I promise, but they do not need to know that. I will do a quick pick up in their bedrooms on Friday before they get home. When they do get home they see the trash on the porch and will start running to get to their room and calling out "Oh no not my ... whatever the item might be". The rule is the have from friday evening until the following friday morning to pick it up and put it away or it goes into the bag. The only way they can get it back is to tell me the exact item that I threw away. So far (have only done this a couple weeks) I have not thrown one thing away-just can't bring myself to do it, but they do not know this. They have all kept their bedroom floors at least picked up which is a huge bonus for me.

    I am slowly learning that things do not have to be perfect. Trying to learn that others do not have to fix food exactly the same way that I do. All I am doing is creating more work for myself and more stress. Nobody needs that.

    Thank you for your input. It is good to know that there are other parents who want to be friends with their children but know that you have a responsibility to make them dependable and responsible adults and sometimes that means being the heavy.

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    There you go!! You found what workd for you and that's what counts. We Moms have to be creative when it comes to getting them to get things done!!

    As for the letting go, I'll be honest with you, it took me till my youngest was in the 1st grade to fully let go of trying to have everything "perfect". Funny example.. It would take forever and I mean forever to get the girls hair just right in the mornings for school. Perfectly brushed, then braided or in a ponytail or pigtails or the perfect matching barrettes. Mornings were awful, screaming and crying, by the time we were done there were tear stained faces and I needed a glass of wine instead of coffee! One morning my daughter asked me why I never let her do her own hair, I started to tell her that she couldn't do it right but then I thought.. what the heck. I sent her off to the bathroom with the brush and her box of "twisties" and let her do her hair. She came out so proud of herself, mind you I wouldn't have been caught dead looking like that but she thought she was the cat's meow. I simply finished getting her ready and in her folder I included a note for her teacher... Ms. Brown, Selina's has been bathed and her hair is clean, we have decided she is old enough to do her own hair now. Thanks, Kris

    She called me up later that night and said Selina couldn't stop talking all day about how she got to do her own hair now. She even told the lunch lady when they went in for lunch!

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    Thank you so much NC_MOM,

    I am going to get tough on them, I do find myself wanting perfection and also wanting to be their friends. I now am working two full jobs (as of yesterday) and I will not be home that much. I hope I am able to get on here - but I can do that on my breaks at my day job. I will try to relax a little more and see what happens. My busband tells me all the time that I baby the kids and I guess I do. Thank you for the help I really appreciate this. Thanks and I will let you all know in a couple weeks how its working. This is GREAT!!!!



    Lynn
    Tragedy, sadness, loneliness and despair taught me that life is really a beautiful thing; if it wasn't I wouldn't be able to recognize that anything was wrong - Lynn in Virginia

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    Wow Fax!!!
    I'm in awe of you, two full time jobs and a mom and wife? You are amazing, my hat is off to you
    My hubby says that I am too easy on the kids sometimes too, "oh you baby them" or "why do I have to be the bad guy?". Guess in our eyes they will always be our babies, so yeah we do baby them. We have to find that balance, what ever is best for our own families ya know. I think sometimes Dad's mistake some of the affection or tenderness a mom shares with her children as babying when in truth it's just good old nurturing, so don't beat yourself over the head about it. Sounds like your kids are truly blessed

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    Well thanks!! Your a very sweet person, and I need to remind myself that there are people out there who care. Really THANK YOU!! Yeah I miss the days when they were young and it was easier - I think. If I am unable to chat with yall - have a great weekend!!!

    Wish me luck with the rug rats!!

    God Bless!!

    Lynn!!

    Tragedy, sadness, loneliness and despair taught me that life is really a beautiful thing; if it wasn't I wouldn't be able to recognize that anything was wrong - Lynn in Virginia

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    My kids will sometimes act out because I don't coddle them as much. They miss it and need it. Attention is attention good or bad. Hopefully with the two jobs you will be able to explain to the children that you need there help and for them to pitch in a little more so that you are able to spend more time with them. They can see you are busy, but you have always been there and done for them that now it is time to tell them that you need their help. You might be surprised-we all need to feel needed and they might realize that you can't do it all anymore. Post when you can and keep us updated.

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    I have 1 big procratinator(42) and 2 little ones(13 and 10). I find that giving them a time frame is a great idea.....also, the 2 kids love to go to the Library. I use that as a bartering tool(If you get your chores done, we can go to the Library this weekend).

    Good luck..this is a great thread!

    Cathy

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