OT- curfew- Kids / Children

This is an OT subject, but I need advice on curfews. Feel free to contact me off the list. My oldest DS will be 17 on Valentine's day (oh, I feel so old!). We had a heated "discussion" this weekend about curfews. My opinion is that if he works the next day, he needs to be home by 9:30. He has to

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Thread: OT- curfew

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    Default OT- curfew


    This is an OT subject, but I need advice on curfews. Feel free to contact me off the list. My oldest DS will be 17 on Valentine's day (oh, I feel so old!). We had a heated "discussion" this weekend about curfews. My opinion is that if he works the next day, he needs to be home by 9:30. He has to get up earlier for work than he does for school. I'm not sure what to move it to if he goes in later to work. What do ya'll do?

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    Re: OT- curfew


    If you own the house, then you make the rules. I follow the golden rule... he who makes the gold, sets the rules <grin>.
    Although I would push it to the end of the night news (10:30 here in Texas) on any night he has to work/go to school the next day or to 30 mins before his bedtime on those days if he wasn't out.
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    Re: Budget101.com : OT- curfew


    My DD is at a private collage and they have a 11:00 curfew. Someone comes inn between 11 to 11:30 pm and checks on them. If they are not in their room they pay $5.00 penalty. Saturday the curfew is 1:00 AM. She is 19 yrs old. If a collage has a curfew than so can I. We talked about the curfew when she comes home and she's not too happy. I also feel that if they have school and or work the next day they have to be in at a decent hour. Also if my kids are out late at night I can't sleep, that is just the way I am. So as a common courtesy to me they need to be inn at a decent time. I also told them that when they are on their own they will have the privilege of staying out as late as they want to. It will cost them their job if they abuse it.

    Some of you are thinking what kind of collage is this. It is SDA. We don't drink, smoke, wear jewelry etc. If you are caught breaking these rules there is a fine for each of them. Oh yes, there is no dish or cable on campas either. My kids do not have a problem since this is how we were raised.

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    Re: OT- curfew


    At 17, 9:30 seems a bit early for a non-school night. I would give
    him some lee-way, myself. My opinion would be that teens have to
    learn to be independant by BEING independant. If he has a later
    curfew, and finds that he's tired at work the next day, he'll learn
    by trial and error.

    Giving him the option to stay out later would show him you trust
    him, and would let him learn his own boundries on how to be a
    responsible person.
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    Re: Budget101.com : OT- curfew


    When our girls were home their weekday curfew, during school time, was 10 pm starting when they were about sophomores in high school. Weekends was midnight (Fri, and Sat). BUT, if they were out until midnight on Saturday night and they had any problems getting up or complaining about getting up for church on Sunday, then the next time they wanted to be out on Sat night, curfew was 10 pm. It worked too. Most of the time they were home way before curfew. They also had to let us know where and who they were with at all times.
    The only other rule was no R-rated movies and no boys in the house when we weren't here. Lots of times they were on the porch or back deck.

    They all turned out fine and no major problems. HAHA--they weren't damaged for life either.

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    Re: Budget101.com : OT- curfew


    Don't turn him lose. Let him invite a friend over for a movie and pizza, Valentine Banquet at church, etc. I am saying this because of my grandson who was not given specific curfews and now at 19 the parents are trying to get him back under control. He has just had his second DWI, hit a car in the back,left the scene of the accident,and no car insurance. He has a job mking $600/week etc. and no responsibilities. He is a good man but can not drink. Please help me pray for him. thanks for letting me vent.
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    Re: Budget101.com : OT- curfew


    My DD will graduate in May and will be 18 in June, and we will evaluate the curfew situation again then. For now, Sun.-Thur. 10PM, Friday and Saturday, Midnight (she is allowed later if there has been an out of town game she has had to cheer at). She is a straight A student, athlete, holds a part-time job...she is responsible for half of her car payment and ALL of the insurance and gas.
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    Re: OT- curfew


    Okay, my kids are young, so I am not in this boat yet. However, when I
    was in high school even into college (when I lived at home), I never
    had a curfew and I never understood the concept. Basically, my mom
    didn't give me a set time to be home, she just wanted to know exactly
    when I'd be home for the evening and where exactly I was going to be
    on any given evening. If I was watching a movie with a friend that
    went a little long, I could just call her and let her know where I was
    and when I'd be home--sometimes it was 2 am, but my parents were okay
    with that because they knew I was safe and when to expect me. That
    way, I was never in trouble. Plus, it built trust between my parents
    and me--they knew I'd always call. To this day, if I am running late
    for anything/anywhere, I always call whoever may be waiting on me.

    The kids that I knew who just had a curfew were all over the place and
    in all kinds of trouble--often times their parents didn't even know
    it.

    I plan to work it the way my mom did. I don't want to tell my
    child "have fun, be home by midnight," too much partying goes on
    between 9 and midnight, especially in smaller towns where there isn't
    much for teens to do. I don't think everything my parents did was the
    right way, but I absolutely believe they had this one right.

    Just thought I'd share a different point of view. Good luck with your
    teens!! I'm sure whatever choice you make will be the right choice fo
    r your family.
    Lori
    Suburbs of Dallas
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    Re: Budget101.com : OT- curfew


    Katrina, You can be proud of her and her parents.
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    Re: Budget101.com : OT- curfew


    Thanks for that comment. We ARE very proud of her and her accomplishments so far. We are looking forward to the next 4 years and her continued success. Thanks again.

    Katrina
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    Basically, my mom
    didn't give me a set time to be home, she just wanted to know exactly
    when I'd be home for the evening and where exactly I was going to be
    this is what we do with my 17 yr old son...he usually is at a friends house (this kid has a pool table, tvs, video games etc and that is where all the kids seem to congregate) It is only a few blocks from our house but my son has to check in and let us know where he is and what time he will be home. He seems to hang out with kids that don't get into trouble and drink etc..

    We have never had a problem with him drinking , etc and he is very responsible (straight A student, works a job etc) In fact last night he came home early because some of the kids were going to a party where there would be liquor..so I was proud of him for not even considering it...so this method works for us too...

    also the kids are welcome here too at any time although we don't have as many cool games etc as some of them do

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    Re: Budget101.com : Re: OT- curfew


    Don't get me wrong...we don't cut her loose and say"see ya at midnight." We have rules. 1>She must tell us where she will be and who she'll be with...it is usually a friends house or her boyfriends house, not out carousing the town. 2>She must answer her cell phone if we should happen to call her (which I've done from time to time, just to "test" her). 3> If she is going to be late, she is to call. Example of this happened just a few weeks ago...someone parked behind her at her boyfriends house and when she asked them to move their car, it wouldn't start, so she called to let us know. The group of kids pushed the car out into the street so she could get out...she got home at 12:10 am and did not get in trouble...all because she used her phone and called us...she is learning.

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    Re: Budget101.com : Re: OT- curfew


    I have a friend who has adopted her neice. She let her invite her boyfriend over to watch tv down stairs in the den. My friend was devastated when the girl became pregnant. I am sure see thought the mother thought she was being careful .She raised her in church. What is the answer?
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    Re: Curfews & Teen "rules"


    The situation with an older child who is adopted into a new
    household is usually much different from a child who is raised in
    the same household from a young age.

    Why was she adopted? Were the parents unfit? Did they pass away
    unexpetedly? Were they incapable of handling her? Many different
    reasons can cause an in family adoption, and chances are, the neice
    was distraut and acting out of an emotional need.

    If the parents died, perhaps she looked at an intimate relationship
    as a way of feeling loved, or a way to forget her grief for a short
    time. If she was living in a home where she wasn't cared for
    properly, it might have just been what she thought was the
    next "right" step in her relationship. If she was a troubled teen to
    begin with, then she's going to do and say what she wants to get
    what she wants, even if it means lying to a relative.

    Or, it could also be that the boyfriend just talked her into it. As
    adults, the further removed we are from being teens, the harder it
    gets to vividly remember the actual full force feelings that go
    along with having a ton of new hormoans roaming in your body. Teens
    tend to become much more emotional before they learn to control
    their own bodies. That isn't neccessarily shown through intimate
    situations, either- getting upset easily, getting angry easily,
    fighting over trivial things, getting mixed up in the wrong sorts of
    relationships, having sex before they might be ready, etc.

    As a parent, you do your best for as long as you can. You try to
    teach your child not to just trust you, but that you trust them. You
    hope that along the way, your child has learned right from wrong,
    and knows when they can come to you for advice or help.

    Sadly, most teens do not feel that they are trusted, nor that they
    can go to a parent or guardian and openly talk about topics that
    might be confusing or troubling to them.

    Parents who "lay down the law" in a harsh manner, or punish quickly
    for small offenses, for instance, usually will have a teen who
    doesn't trust quite as well, and won't open up about problems.

    Parents who are too lax and give in, or allow the teen to have their
    way all the time tend to have a teen who feels they can get away
    with anything.

    This is NOT always the case, and I'm not saying any of this in
    direct response to how anyone here parents. In the end, we as
    parents do what we think will work best. There is no one correct way
    of doing things.

    I'm not that far removed from being a teen, and I'm not that far
    removed from having a teenage daughter (2 more years!). I can only
    hope that my experiance from being both the daughter of a teen mom,
    and being a teen mom myself will have helped me in the way we chose
    to parent our 3 kids.

    There is no right or wrong answer to the question of, "What is the
    answer?" There is no answer, especially without knowing the facts of
    the people and situation.

    We can give advice, we are certainly good at that, but only the girl
    and her parents & guardian can really give themselves insight into
    what happened, and what might have caused her to stray from the path
    that others wanted for her.

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    Budget101.com : Re: OT- curfew


    Bad choices by the kid. Everyone does them, it is what you do to overcome them that makes you. How she was raised has no bearing on the issue.
    She shouldn't hold it against her neice that she made a bad choice, but also she should do minimal financial support for her. The neice needs to figure out what she can do to 'fix' it. The old adage that you made your bed, now lie in it applies here.
    i.e. Get a job to pay for baby, does she want the BF in the baby's life (perm?), if not, she need to ensure she has child support payments coming in for the baby's support. She needs to go to school, find cheap daycare, the friend should support her neice who made the bad choice emotionally, but not enable her. She can tell or show her where the financial support is to get her back on track, but that is it. She need to be there when the going gets REALLY tough for a shoulder to cry on (or babysit once in a while - not on a regular basis).
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