stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance- General Budget & Finance

Hi I was wondering if anyone else does like dr phil has advised for couples no matter what you each can have a set amount of money that neither spouse can question. I was wondering if anyone does this or do you just spend whatever. I always felt like all the money was his or for bills and I

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  1. #1
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    Default stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    Hi I was wondering if anyone else does like dr phil has advised for
    couples no matter what you each can have a set amount of money that
    neither spouse can question. I was wondering if anyone does this or
    do you just spend whatever. I always felt like all the money was his
    or for bills and I never had a dollar in my pocket. But the draw back
    now is he gets 25 a week and I take either the same or less depends.
    I always pay the bills first since he gets paid weekly than put money
    into savings (pay our selves second) and than he gets his 25 and I
    get my whatever but my problems seems to be his 25 is getting earlier
    and earlier where he is getting more than just his 25 and mine if I
    have any goes to milk, bread or whatever we might run low during the
    week or if the kids want a pack of gum or something stupid and little
    I comes out of my money. I know this is petty but I'm starting to
    feel alittle unworthy since I dont even drink milk but they all do
    and I'm putting my little bit into that.
    I'm not trying to be a maryter and I know it is only how people treat

    me is how I let them and maybe this is a totally other problem but
    Ilike to know that we are saving more and I know he works hard but I
    dont want to feel nickle and dimed but i am. Is this why my
    grandmother and mom used to have mad money as they called it for just
    themselves. I dont do this but thinking maybe I should. what does
    anyone else think of this?
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  2. #2
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    Re: Budget101.com : stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    We each have a small allowence that works out to $50/mth. I take mine in cash and he has his put into paypal since he buys most of his "toys" online. But I also have about $50/mth in a separate envelope in my purse for odds and ends. It could be a quick milk run, it could Burger King or a candy bar for the kids or whatever. There are a lot of months I barely touch it and I don't add to it then on payday, or add just enough to bring it back to $50.

    My kids get an allowence so I try to make them pay for candy or what not when we are out (sometimes they reimburse me when we get home if they didn't have their money on them).

    As for your hubby, two things come to mind. Either what he gets truly isn't enough and he needs a raise in fun money (maybe you do too), or - if its affecting your budget negatively - you need to sit down and agree that that money is IT until next payday. My hubby doesn't buy lunch or gas or anything like that with his money - its strictly for fun like books, CD's, his hobbies etc. - as is mine. Our budget has a separate line item for lunch at work, gas, and the like. We also have a line item of solo entertainment so that if a buddy of his wants to go out one evening, he has money and I can do the same with a friend of mine. It only happens every two months or so, so we just stockpile cash until one of us goes out without the other. Make sense?

    HTH's a little,
    Monica in IL
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    Re: Budget101.com : stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    I've been married for 25 yrs and I have been at home with kids for 20 yrs. My husband always cashed the checks and took lump sum of cash. He gives me $40. for 2 weeks for running to the store, kids, school etc. He keeps the rest for similar stuff. The difference is $160. He never has any leftover money and I don't know where he spends it. He is home at the same time ea day and we do errens together, but I still can't help but wonder how I can make it on $40. and he has $160. and never has leftover. I do have mad money that I put aside when I have leftover. On days when I had enough of it, I go the the grocery store purchase what I need and get some cash for myself and I'm happy. I agree with you about feeling less worthy. But I look at it that we can't always have 50% on everything, so some the things that happen I look the other way. But other things are more important so I put my foot down on that. Life is not fair sometimes. Good luck to you.

    Melissa
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    Hi I was wondering if anyone else does like dr phil has advised for
    couples no matter what you each can have a set amount of money that
    neither spouse can question. I was wondering if anyone does this or
    do you just spend whatever. I always felt like all the money was his
    or for bills and I never had a dollar in my pocket. But the draw back
    now is he gets 25 a week and I take either the same or less depends.
    I always pay the bills first since he gets paid weekly than put money
    into savings (pay our selves second) and than he gets his 25 and I
    get my whatever but my problems seems to be his 25 is getting earlier
    and earlier where he is getting more than just his 25 and mine if I
    have any goes to milk, bread or whatever we might run low during the
    week or if the kids want a pack of gum or something stupid and little
    I comes out of my money. I know this is petty but I'm starting to
    feel alittle unworthy since I dont even drink milk but they all do
    and I'm putting my little bit into that.
    I'm not trying to be a maryter and I know it is only how people treat

    me is how I let them and maybe this is a totally other problem but
    Ilike to know that we are saving more and I know he works hard but I
    dont want to feel nickle and dimed but i am. Is this why my
    grandmother and mom used to have mad money as they called it for just
    themselves. I dont do this but thinking maybe I should. what does
    anyone else think of this?
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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    Re: Budget101.com : Re: stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    I'm a SAHM and when I need something I get it aslong
    as we have the money. We pay our bills first, get
    groceries and I make sure that my kids have what they
    need. They always come first (before my husband and
    I).
    We have done things this way for over 30 yrs. I never
    had a problem.

    Marian
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  6. #6
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    Re: Budget101.com : Re: stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    This is my thinking also. We don't have an allowance for the same reason. I'm
    more of a saver and he is a spender. If I save most of my money and we need
    something extra I end up paying for it. So for that reason we stoped the
    allowance thing a long time ago, and we get what we need together. I can't do
    the finances (writing checks and paying bills) due to my double vision (meaning
    I see double - wouldn't it be nice when I see double the money in the account it
    would be trully double the amount LOL). But what I need to do is sit with him
    when he is doing the bills and make sure it is done better. We can surly use
    BIG help with our finances.

    Mili
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    Re: stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, "Marine MOM" <suckleh0nny@...>
    wrote:
    >
    > Hi I was wondering if anyone else does like dr phil has advised for
    > couples no matter what you each can have a set amount of money that
    > neither spouse can question. I was wondering if anyone does this or
    > do you just spend whatever. I always felt like all the money was
    his
    > or for bills and I never had a dollar in my pocket. But the draw
    back
    > now is he gets 25 a week and I take either the same or less
    depends.
    > I always pay the bills first since he gets paid weekly than put
    money
    > into savings (pay our selves second) and than he gets his 25 and I
    > get my whatever but my problems seems to be his 25 is getting
    earlier
    > and earlier where he is getting more than just his 25 and mine if I
    > have any goes to milk, bread or whatever we might run low during
    the
    > week or if the kids want a pack of gum or something stupid and
    little
    > I comes out of my money. I know this is petty but I'm starting to
    > feel alittle unworthy since I dont even drink milk but they all do
    > and I'm putting my little bit into that.
    > I'm not trying to be a maryter and I know it is only how people
    treat
    > me is how I let them and maybe this is a totally other problem but
    > Ilike to know that we are saving more and I know he works hard but
    I
    > dont want to feel nickle and dimed but i am. Is this why my
    > grandmother and mom used to have mad money as they called it for
    just
    > themselves. I dont do this but thinking maybe I should. what does
    > anyone else think of this?
    >
    I think you should feel okay about what you spend, if I could get my
    man to spend only $25 a week, I'd be very happy. He does not listen
    to me about sales, coupons, or saving. And he buys food without
    giving me money for items we already have. I buy all the household
    groceries and some other things, like his deoderant, soap, shampoo,
    toilet paper, and all I ask him to do is listen to sound advice about
    being frugal. Don't make mistake after mistake and spend frivilous
    and squander our money!! He wants to argue, good thing we are not
    married and have no kids, I can walk away anytime. I might unless
    things change. Everything I do is for him, and he asks me how much he
    should spend on valentines day, I said whatever the last fifteen
    years are worth.
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    Re: stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    Go for it.
    You can even add up the cost of everything you do as a housewife and charge him.... the housekeeping, chauffering, the accountant, etc.....
    I work FT and am a single parent, but I don't ever remember my mom going without - she was a housewife. Also, if she did without, so did my dad. He took a lunch to work, every day.
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    Re: Budget101.com : Re: stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    If you do that... be prepared to pay half the mortgage (or rent), power,
    phone, food, your own gas (you get the idea). If you need an increase
    in what you get, track your expenditures so he can see that you are
    spending 'your' money on household expenses. Make an intelligent
    argument, not a demand... especially not days before Valentines Day!

    just my 2 cents
    Sheri

    Happily married for 15 years and SAHM for 12

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    armstrca wrote:
    Go for it.
    You can even add up the cost of everything you do as a housewife and
    charge him.... the housekeeping, chauffering, the accountant, etc.....
    I work FT and am a single parent, but I don't ever remember my mom
    going without - she was a housewife. Also, if she did without, so
    did my dad. He took a lunch to work, every day.
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    Re: stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    I work full time as well as my husband but I make more than twice the
    money he does. I would never consider him less worthy than I. When we
    married it was understood that our marriage is a partnership. We both
    come home and work on chores together and our money both goes to
    bills, savings and fun.

    If your husband and you are suppose to have 25.00 dollars per week
    then that is what you and him both should get and that's it. If he
    wants more than that he isn't budgeting his allowance very well and
    will have figure out a way to learn how to budget his money. Milk, gum
    etc needs to be taken out of a food expense not out of your allowance
    unless that's what you want to handle it.

    I would talk to him about the agreed to 25.00 dollars a week and if he
    actually needs more than 25.00 dollars raise it to that and leave it
    at that. No more no less but you get the same amount.

    A marriage where one partner is working at (for lack of better words)
    "paying" job and where one partner is working at home doesn't mean one
    partner is better than the other. The money he makes at his "paying"
    job isn't his money, it's both of your money. You are providing him
    support. He doesn't have to come home and deal with all the hassles he
    would have to deal with if you weren't working at home.
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    Re: stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    I don;t take a set amount out of the bank every pay check however we
    have a joint bank account and we both have bank cards he takes out
    $120 a week for DD public transit bus tickets to get to school,gas
    for the van and a case of beer(that is $25 here in Ontario Canada for
    the cheap stuff)and then if anything is left ovr he buys lunch once a
    week.It depends how much the gas costs to how much he has to spend.I
    can take out what ever money I need with the debit card and there are
    no questions asked.I can go for coffee or out for lunch or buy what I
    think our family needs or what I want to buy etc,
    Tracy
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    Re: stay at home moms do you pay yourself an allowance


    Well the valentines day thing I told him long ago I'd rather bills be paid and we are all happy, I don't want expensive flowers on that day or chocolates. He has done this don't get me wrong but I'm happy if he brought a little flower from the gas station on his way home one day to let me know he was thinking of me.
    I'm just wondering there are people on here that split their money down the middle, I may not get paid to be a mom or housewife and that's fine but than he has to be happy that I do this and pay all the household bills and occassionally would want something for myself without having to run it by him. That's what the allowance was/is for it just doesnt seem to work out that way sometime with him a spender and I'm a saver.



    Donna SAHM and loving it.
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    Default Compensation for SAHM moms


    I think the underlying issue is that our SAHM (I'm no longer a SAHM but I do value their roles!) work needs to be respected *and* VALUED. Now, some people just plain can't afford it to have the allowances and will just have to come to terms with that.

    But- I think since everyone's living situation/job/income status is different the most important thing is that the SAHM feels valued and appreciated by her "working" partner. Whether that respect/appreciation is reflected in an allowance, or by praise- it definately needs to exist.

    I think a lot of men feel like SAHMs are not equal partners, or even partners at all and do not see the need to value their roles or bestow the SAHM with "fun" money.

    Otherwise- there are more serious underlying relationship issues. I've been on both sides of the fence (so to speak). I have utter respect for SAHMs, but I will say this- if you're a SAHM and do not feel appreciated, feel isolated and have decreased confidence in yourself- go find a paying job (if only just PT hours) and you will feel yourself increase satisfaction and confidence. And we women deserve to feel that way.

    Power to all women, especially SAHMs!

    Blessings and support from CO

 

 

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