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  1. #1
    angies_groups
    Guest

    Default How to Survive an Abusive Spouse ~ perhaps OT

    Hello, all,







    I know that this post is one step farther away from frugality and budgeting

    but having to flee an abusive spouse is one of the scariest and most

    potentially financially debilitating events in a woman's life. I was

    physically abused by my first husband and I am now an accountant so I

    understand the monetary issues of the situation. If you know of anyone who

    might benefit from any of this information, please feel free to pass along

    this email.







    How to Survive an Abusive Spouse







    .angie










  2. #2
    angies_groups
    Guest

    Default How to Survive an Abusive Spouse ~ perhaps OT

    Not sure how the link to the article got stripped off but let's try that

    again.

    How to Survive a Physically and Financially Abusive Husband

    Protect Yourself Physically and Financially



    By Angie Mohr, published Apr 26, 2008

    Published Content: 137 Total Views: 58,454 Favorited By: 38 CPs

    Contact Subscribe Add to Favorites

    Rating: 4.1 of 5Currently 4.10/512345 Font Font

    I still have moments in my life, twenty years later, when my body instinctively

    reacts in illogical ways. I flinch when I hear glass break. I cannot put my

    whole face under the water in the shower. I jump and struggle not to scream when

    someone sneaks up behind me. It has been twenty years since I have had to heal a

    broken bone or hide ten dollars in my underwear drawer or cover a bruise with

    makeup. There are still reminders, physical and psychological, that will be

    there for another twenty years and another forty, but I am safe. Twenty years

    ago, an abusive boyfriend morphed into an abusive husband that modeled himself

    after his own rum-drenched father.



    It is difficult to nail down the real magnitude of the domestic abuse cancer

    that invades our society. There are statistics for reported abuse, yet most

    domestic abuse goes unreported. According to the Washington State Domestic

    Violence Fatality Review Project in 1999, women who have initiated a separation

    or divorce were the victims of half of all domestic abuse reports.



    If you're in an abusive situation, you know that it can happen to any woman. It

    doesn't mean you're weak or you're stupid. But when you're finally ready to do

    something about it, there are some practical considerations to keep in mind.

    Knowing how to protect yourself in an abusive situation can help you escape it

    safely.



    Before You Leave:



    Understand your financial situation



    If you are going to be able to survive on your own, you will need to get

    financially savvy quickly if you aren't already. Make a list of everything that

    you own and you owe, both personally and with your spouse. List out account

    numbers, balances and any other information that will be important to be able to

    provide the bank or other financial institution later.



    Set up a personal bank account



    Open a bank account in your name only (preferably at a different bank than the

    one that you bank with now) in order to establish a banking relationship that

    does not include your spouse. Squirrel away some emergency money over time so

    that you will never be stranded without funds.



    Establish your own credit



    Setting up a bank account is a first step in establishing your own credit. The

    next step is to apply for a credit card in your name only, even if it has a

    small limit. Use it and pay it back frequently to build up credit history. This

    will help your overall credit history if your domestic partner decides to trash

    your joint credit.



    Take photocopies of all important documentation



    There is always the possibility that you will have to leave your spouse in a

    rush, so make sure ahead of time that you have copies of all critical

    information. This includes copies of income tax returns for both of you, birth

    certificates, marriage certificate, mortgage and house deed, all insurance

    policies and automobile registrations. If you have children, make copies of

    school records and immunizations. Open a safe deposit box at your new bank and

    store the photocopies in it. Also, keep an extra card for your new credit card

    account in your safe deposit box.



    Discuss your situation with a lawyer



    Know ahead of time what the legal repercussions will be of leaving your spouse.

    A lawyer will be able to walk you through the probabilities of what will happen

    to joint assets and liabilities. Also, if any further abuse occurs, your lawyer

    will be able to document it for police or other legal action.



    Learn self-defense



    If you live with a physically abusive spouse (and even if you don't) it's

    important to learn how to protect yourself. Take a self-defense course so that

    you can escape potentially dangerous situations or at least minimize the

    physical damage. Once you have taken the step of leaving your abusive spouse,

    the violence may escalate so knowing how to protect yourself will pay off.



    Do not tell anyone you are leaving



    You may want to share your plans with friends and family, but I highly recommend

    that you tell no one except your lawyer that you are planning on leaving until

    after it happens. There is always the possibility that information on your plans

    will leak out and reach your spouse and this could escalate the violence or, at

    the very least, thwart your preparations. The element of surprise will help you

    to successfully leave your spouse.



    When You Leave:



    Close all joint bank accounts and freeze credit accounts



    Immediately upon leaving, close or have your name removed from all accounts that

    you can that your spouse can drain of cash or run up credit on. Withdraw all

    cash balances and move them to your new bank account. Remove your name from all

    utility and telephone accounts. Keep a cell phone in your name only and put a

    password on that account so that your spouse cannot make changes to it.

    Ultimately, the lawyers will sort out who gets what but in the meantime, don't

    leave you spouse the ability to harm you financially.



    Do not tell anyone where you are living



    For the first while after you leave your abusive spouse, do not tell friends and

    family where you are living (but definitely keep in touch with them and reassure

    them that you are alright). Your spouse may be looking for you and information

    has a way of slipping. Keeping yourself (and your children) physically safe is

    the most important task. Make sure your new residence is secure and has

    deadbolts on the doors and lockable windows. Install a security alarm if it

    doesn't already have one.



    Discuss your situation with your local police department



    If you feel that your spouse will continue to threaten you, speak with your

    local police department. Although they will most likely not be able to do

    anything in the way of protecting you, letting them know ahead of time will help

    them put a case together if your spouse attempts to harm you in the future. They

    may also have more information on protecting yourself physically.



    Protect your children



    Discuss with your lawyer the possibility of getting an interim custody order for

    your children. Notify the schools that you have such an order and that the

    children are not to be released to anyone except yourself. Have it noted in your

    children's school files that you and the police are to be contacted in the event

    that someone presents themselves at the school to pick them up or to see them.



    Protect your source of income



    Once you have successfully left your abusive spouse, he may attempt to damage or

    harm you in other ways if he cannot physically do so. One way to do that is to

    jeopardize your job. Let your boss know the situation and that you have left

    your spouse. Explain that if he calls or shows up, you will let the police

    handle it and that you will do your best to minimize any disruptions at work.

    You may find that your boss and co-workers are very supportive during this

    difficult time.



    Having the courage to leave an abusive spouse may be one of the most difficult

    and important things you ever do and being prepared ahead of time will help you

    to make it easier for you and your children.



    <a href="http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/725787/how_to_survive_a_physically_and_financially.html?c at=3">http://www.associatedcontent.com/art...ysically_and_\

    financially.html?cat=3</a>






  3. #3
    Lucy Anderson
    Guest

    Default How to Survive an Abusive Spouse ~ perhaps OT

    I did not get the information on the email? but, yes it would be of benefit.

    I have "been there, done that" and still have struggles with some things (he won&#39;t take me off his car loan that he won&#39;t pay and such) and I would like to have as much as I can to help other women. I truly don&#39;t think you can understand the situation fully unless you&#39;ve been there.


    Yes - it is terrifying!!!!

    On Mon, Apr 28, 2008 at 4:20 PM, angies_groups <angies_groups@comcast.net> wrote:







    Hello, all,



    I know that this post is one step farther away from frugality and budgeting

    but having to flee an abusive spouse is one of the scariest and most

    potentially financially debilitating events in a woman&#39;s life. I was

    physically abused by my first husband and I am now an accountant so I

    understand the monetary issues of the situation. If you know of anyone who

    might benefit from any of this information, please feel free to pass along

    this email.



    How to Survive an Abusive Spouse



    .angie






    [/quote]




  4. #4
    Pat
    Guest

    Default How to Survive an Abusive Spouse ~ perhaps OT

    This is excellent information! Having seen a friend

    go through the process of escaping an abusive spouse,

    I know it can happen to anyone. She is bright,

    attractive, and professionally successful. One thing

    that helped her was to go to her local police

    department for support. They guided her through the

    process as listed below. Now (7 years later), she is

    happily married to a nice guy who treats her like

    gold.



    Pat

    --- angies_groups <angies_groups@comcast.net> wrote:



    > Not sure how the link to the article got stripped

    > off but let's try that

    > again.






  5. #5
    D S
    Guest

    Default How to Survive an Abusive Spouse ~ perhaps OT

    You could also look into FlyLady.net.

    Denise

    They go into a lot about Women Shelter and so on.



    Lucy Anderson <lucy.fortin@gmail.com> wrote:

    I did not get the information on the email? but, yes it would be of

    benefit.






 

 

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