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  1. #1
    R NORTH
    Guest

    Default : FOSTER PARENTING 2

    BEING FOSTER PARENT FIRST:

    I feel that being a foster parent first is great .. many kids

    honeymoon for anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months, so you have no real

    idea what you are in for ..



    These are special kids .. They have numerous issues, you are not

    starting from a blank slate. .. Theres enviromental damages (kids

    eating lead paint, polluted water, etc) .. physical damages some are

    visible some are not (Bonnie was starved so some brain damage is

    actually from starvation) .. emotional damages .. Many have been dealt

    a lousy hand genetically. My littles come from a line of maternal

    alcoholics for 5 generations, that means a HIGH chance that most of

    the parents, gp etc are also FAS. I don't know if the bipolar is

    genetic (bio-mom had it) or if its from the FAS.



    Prenatal care is sometimes poor, if you count in drugs and alcohol

    into the mix its a high risk pregnancy, then add in poor parenting

    skills and the kids are in a traumatic situation prenatally & post

    natal



    TIME:

    Time with them as foster parents gives you the chance to advocate for

    specialist and push for therapies ..



    Push for therapy from the beginning, regardless of how 'normal' they

    are behaving they have had a trauma in their life - leaving home (no

    matter how terrible) ..



    Even with time, you do not have the whole picture .. You generally are

    NEVER told all the story about the kids, or the risks .. Having them

    as foster kids first gives you and the family a chance ..



    It took DHS over 7 years to finally terminate the bio parents of my littles ..



    KNOW THE POSSIBILITIES:

    The days of adopting a healthy white blue eyed blond baby with no

    issues (no offense intended BTW) is long gone .. Go into it with

    knowledge .. Most kids are going to be alcohol affected, many are

    reactive attachment disorder ..



    You will never be told of the future problems, if you are lucky you

    will get the medicaid and supplement - trust me you couldn't afford to

    adopt these kids without it ..



    Some ins companies will not insure the kids, because its pre-exsisting

    documented health issues, some have $1000 caps on mental health

    (*Matts normal psych stuff was over $1000 a month over 15 years ago -

    never mind what it cost for the psych wards) .. Bonnies surgeries on

    ears were $20,000 apiece shes had 3 .. Hearing aids were $900 each

    one, shes had 2 sets of 2 **some health issurance does not cover

    hearing aids



    SAFETY:

    If you have kids you need to make sure your kids will be safe. Be

    aware of whats going on, listen when the kids tell you that so and so

    is hurting them (ask HOW & WHEN) .. don't assume that the hurt is just

    the hit you saw in the backyard



    Our house was alarmed and still Matt managed to rape Bonnie (*we paid

    for it not DHS etc) .. In addition to the numerous times I stepped in

    to be a physical barrier between him and the other kids .. I didn't

    realize the sexual abuse was happening



    RAD KIDS:

    If you know the kid is RAD be aware they can present as sweeties, and

    very loving in the beginning .. Some are even clingy .. Can be very

    manipulative & triangulate very well ..



    onlist (RAD LIST) we have one sib group who burned the house down with

    parents, other sibs and pets inside (blocking exits so they couldn't

    get out) they managed to get out through basement window, but the pets

    died.. Currently we have one online who is dealing with kid who had

    been poisoning her, hes in hospital they are realeasing even though he

    says he will do it again .. Matt raped his bio half beacuse he could,

    he has no limits to what he will do - BTW he honeymooned at psych

    wards sometimes for up to 3 months so they thought we were the problem

    .. Lots of physical violence most expressed at mom ..



    WHY ARE KIDS IN FOSTER CARE / BIO-PARENTS

    I sometimes think that DHS/CPS give way too many chances to the

    bio-parents .. I was supposed to teach parents how to dress, clean etc

    kids as part of my job .. Why eating italian sandwiches was not good

    for a 6 month old? how to cook meals, because they only knew how to

    make mac & cheese from a box .. That throwing a tool box at a 13 yr

    old head was not the appropriate action, etc etc



    Reality is these kids are in foster care for a reason ..



    If you as a middle class mom did what some of the bio-moms did they

    would pull your kids in a heartbeat, if you are low income, on welfare

    they give you chance after chance ..



    I have never understood why you would return kids to a home when they

    have 18 broken bones, none set BTW ...



    Another bio-mom said she would quit drinking and they will

    occasionally do an alcohol test on her (if she shows for the appt) so

    its ok to send the kids back? ..



    You know if I swatted a tush in KMart I would have DHS all over me,

    but break bones "well they just need help" huh? how about the kids?



    Most bio-parents did not bother to visit



    I had Bonnie since she was 4 months and Matt was less than 18 months

    when I got him .. The bio-mom had visits - she made less than 7 in 7 +

    years, the bio-dads none.. Even during that time I could not believe

    that I couldn't fix 'my kids' with love & the therapy they had (*NOTE:

    this was many years ago no internet, and no therapists dealing with

    FAS, RAD etc) ..



    SUPPORT SYTEM IN PLACE:

    Don't expect a lot of help from DHS/CPS, most times when you call,

    they are gone. You will need to get a good support system, friends

    family and internet. Make sure you have a GOOD ped Dr, it makes all

    the differance in the world, one that will listen and advocate for you

    and your child



    Today with the internet and the support groups it different, you can

    have support at any time of day or night (someone will be online) ..

    There are more and more therapists that are dealing with these issues

    FAS & RAD, this can only help .. If the kids can get into care

    earlier, get away from the abuse etc, they might heal



    Have a back up system for yourself, you will need breaks. Take time

    for your marriage this puts a huge stress on it. Be aware this will

    affect YOUR health both physical and mental.



    WOULD YOU DO IT AGAIN?

    The question comes up on all the special needs lists .. Would you do

    it again? If I had all the information I have today on RAD, ODD/CD,

    bipolar, sociopathic behaviors etc NO I would have never adopted Matt

    ..



    Ria






  2. #2
    Candy Holbert
    Guest

    Default : FOSTER PARENTING 2



    On Fri, Mar 14, 2008 at 12:20 PM, R NORTH <hslinks@gmail.com> wrote:
    > BEING FOSTER PARENT FIRST:
    > I feel that being a foster parent first is great .. many kids
    > honeymoon for anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months, so you have no real
    > idea what you are in for ..
    >
    > These are special kids .. They have numerous issues, you are not
    > starting from a blank slate. .. Theres enviromental damages (kids
    > eating lead paint, polluted water, etc) .. physical damages some are
    > visible some are not (Bonnie was starved so some brain damage is
    > actually from starvation) .. emotional damages .. Many have been dealt
    > a lousy hand genetically. My littles come from a line of maternal
    > alcoholics for 5 generations, that means a HIGH chance that most of
    > the parents, gp etc are also FAS. I don&#39;t know if the bipolar is
    > genetic (bio-mom had it) or if its from the FAS.
    <font color="#3333ff">Tho I know bipolar is genetic I supppose FAS could cause italso. But since bio mom has it then that&#39;s likely where it came from.


    > Prenatal care is sometimes poor, if you count in drugs and alcohol
    > into the mix its a high risk pregnancy, then add in poor parenting
    > skills and the kids are in a traumatic situation prenatally & post
    > natal
    >
    > TIME:
    > Time with them as foster parents gives you the chance to advocate for
    > specialist and push for therapies ..
    >
    > Push for therapy from the beginning, regardless of how &#39;normal&#39; they
    > are behaving they have had a trauma in their life - leaving home (no
    > matter how terrible) ..
    > <font color="#3333ff">I agree no matter what else may be wrong with a kid being pulled from the only family you have ever known is trauma enough to need therapy.
    > Even with time, you do not have the whole picture .. You generally are
    > NEVER told all the story about the kids, or the risks .. Having them
    > as foster kids first gives you and the family a chance ..
    >
    > It took DHS over 7 years to finally terminate the bio parents of my littles ..
    <font color="#3333ff">In cases such as this one, youhave to foster them and wait and wait until the bio parents give up rights. So you can&#39;t adopt them no matter how bad you might want to until that time. So people that want to adopt sometimes can&#39;t until the child is older due to this issue. Which IMO isn&#39;t fair to the kids or the foster parents. I heard of a story, I don&#39;t know how true or not true it is. But, a couple took in a little boy under a year old. They wanted to adopt him but couldn&#39;t because of the above issue. Just after this child turned 6 they gave him back to his bio mom who he had ever seen in all that time. Two weeks later he was foundstabbed to death, his bio mom killed him cause he was crying. As the story goes he hadn&#39;t had anything to eat for several days. I think at that age I&#39;d be crying too if I hadn&#39;t have any food like that. But of course the worker that allowed that to happen never was fired or changed in his death.



    > KNOW THE POSSIBILITIES:
    > The days of adopting a healthy white blue eyed blond baby with no
    > issues (no offense intended BTW) is long gone .. Go into it with
    > knowledge .. Most kids are going to be alcohol affected, many are
    > reactive attachment disorder ..
    >
    > You will never be told of the future problems, if you are lucky you
    > will get the medicaid and supplement - trust me you couldn&#39;t afford to
    > adopt these kids without it ..
    >


    <font color="#3333ff">Maybe it depends on what state you live in but I thought foster kids would get Medicaid to pay for their medical expenses.
    <font color="#3333ff">
    > Some ins companies will not insure the kids, because its pre-exsisting
    > documented health issues, some have $1000 caps on mental health
    > (*Matts normal psych stuff was over $1000 a month over 15 years ago -
    > never mind what it cost for the psych wards) .. Bonnies surgeries on
    > ears were $20,000 apiece shes had 3 .. Hearing aids were $900 each
    > one, shes had 2 sets of 2 **some health issurance does not cover
    > hearing aids
    >
    > SAFETY:
    > If you have kids you need to make sure your kids will be safe. Be
    > aware of whats going on, listen when the kids tell you that so and so
    > is hurting them (ask HOW & WHEN) .. don&#39;t assume that the hurt is just
    > the hit you saw in the backyard
    >
    > Our house was alarmed and still Matt managed to rape Bonnie (*we paid
    > for it not DHS etc) .. In addition to the numerous times I stepped in
    > to be a physical barrier between him and the other kids .. I didn&#39;t
    > realize the sexual abuse was happening


    <font color="#3333ff">Just tobe clear here if you don&#39;t mind, what is Matt&#39;s DX and how old was he when this happened?
    <font color="#3333ff">
    > RAD KIDS:
    > If you know the kid is RAD be aware they can present as sweeties, and
    > very loving in the beginning .. Some are even clingy .. Can be very
    > manipulative & triangulate very well ..
    >
    > onlist (RAD LIST) we have one sib group who burned the house down with
    > parents, other sibs and pets inside (blocking exits so they couldn&#39;t
    > get out) they managed to get out through basement window, but the pets
    > died.. Currently we have one online who is dealing with kid who had
    > been poisoning her, hes in hospital they are realeasing even though he
    > says he will do it again .. Matt raped his bio half beacuse he could,
    > he has no limits to what he will do - BTW he honeymooned at psych
    > wards sometimes for up to 3 months so they thought we were the problem
    > .. Lots of physical violence most expressed at mom ..
    >
    > WHY ARE KIDS IN FOSTER CARE / BIO-PARENTS
    > I sometimes think that DHS/CPS give way too many chances to the
    > bio-parents .. I was supposed to teach parents how to dress, clean etc
    > kids as part of my job .. Why eating italian sandwiches was not good
    > for a 6 month old? how to cook meals, because they only knew how to
    > make mac & cheese from a box .. That throwing a tool box at a 13 yr
    > old head was not the appropriate action, etc etc
    <font color="#3333ff">If parents can&#39;t cook or don&#39;t understand how to feed a infant seems to me like<font color="#3333ff">that the baby should be taken and right&#39;s termated right then and there. I also think bio parents should have to be drug tested weekly and if they show + for drugs three different weeks that should end it. And the child never goes back there.



    > Reality is these kids are in foster care for a reason ..
    >
    > If you as a middle class mom did what some of the bio-moms did they
    > would pull your kids in a heartbeat, if you are low income, on welfare
    > they give you chance after chance ..
    >
    > I have never understood why you would return kids to a home when they
    > have 18 broken bones, none set BTW ...
    <font color="#3333ff">Yea that&#39;s a sure sign that<font color="#3333ff"> that the kids don&#39;t go back. Letting them go back into that is wrong no matter how you look at it.
    <font color="#3333ff">
    <font color="#3333ff">
    > Another bio-mom said she would quit drinking and they will
    > occasionally do an alcohol test on her (if she shows for the appt) so
    > its ok to send the kids back? ..
    <font color="#3333ff">Instead of occasionally it should of been weekly, and if she didn&#39;t show the first time that was the end.

    > You know if I swatted a tush in KMart I would have DHS all over me,
    > but break bones "well they just need help" huh? how about the kids?
    >
    > Most bio-parents did not bother to visit
    >
    > I had Bonnie since she was 4 months and Matt was less than 18 months
    > when I got him .. The bio-mom had visits - she made less than 7 in 7 +
    > years, the bio-dads none.. Even during that time I could not believe
    > that I couldn&#39;t fix &#39;my kids&#39; with love & the therapy they had (*NOTE:
    > this was many years ago no internet, and no therapists dealing with
    > FAS, RAD etc) ..
    <font color="#3333ff">Yes I&#39;m sure with my kids (I&#39;m the bio mom) having the internet would of helped me out a lot. See sometimes these kids that have issues like these two aren&#39;t even in foster care but at home with a mom that tried her best to do for them. But when you have one that&#39;s bipolar, that&#39;s got issues that the mom doesn&#39;t know about (youngest was abused by bio dad). I didn&#39;t know at the time it was happening because there was never a mark on him no clue to get my attention and of course from the time he learned to talk til after I left the jerk he was to afraid to speak up and come out and tell me.


    > SUPPORT SYTEM IN PLACE:
    > Don&#39;t expect a lot of help from DHS/CPS, most times when you call,
    > they are gone. You will need to get a good support system, friends
    > family and internet. Make sure you have a GOOD ped Dr, it makes all
    > the differance in the world, one that will listen and advocate for you
    > and your child
    >
    > Today with the internet and the support groups it different, you can
    > have support at any time of day or night (someone will be online) ..
    > There are more and more therapists that are dealing with these issues
    > FAS & RAD, this can only help .. If the kids can get into care
    > earlier, get away from the abuse etc, they might heal
    >
    > Have a back up system for yourself, you will need breaks. Take time
    > for your marriage this puts a huge stress on it. Be aware this will
    > affect YOUR health both physical and mental.
    >

    <font color="#3333ff">Yes it can affect your health, I never had a break. I&#39;m sure some would say if they were that hard to handle why not give one up or both. No way would I of even thought that and because I&#39;m the safe person so to speak I still and I guess always will get some attacks verbally by the youngest.
    > WOULD YOU DO IT AGAIN?
    > The question comes up on all the special needs lists .. Would you do
    > it again? If I had all the information I have today on RAD, ODD/CD,
    > bipolar, sociopathic behaviors etc NO I would have never adopted Matt
    > ..
    >
    > Ria
    >
    > ------------------------------------
    >
    >
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  3. #3
    R NORTH
    Guest

    Default : FOSTER PARENTING 2

    <font color="#3333ff">C: Tho I know bipolar is genetic I supppose FAS could cause italso. But since bio mom has it then that&#39;s likely where it came from.

    R: Bio-mom was FAS, her mother was probably FAS too .. 5 generations of women all alcoholic having kids .. all low functioning too (FAS is leading cause of MR)

    <font color="#3333ff">C: But, a couple took in a little boy under a year old. They wanted to adopt him but couldn&#39;t because of the above issue. Just after this child turned 6 they gave him back to his bio mom who he had ever seen in all that time. Two weeks later he was foundstabbed to death, his bio mom killed him cause he was crying. As the story goes he hadn&#39;t had anything to eat for several days. I think at that age I&#39;d be crying too if I hadn&#39;t have any food like that. But of course the worker that allowed that to happen never was fired or changed in his death.

    R: stories like this abound unfortunately they are true .. Why would anyone with common sense say gee lets wait 5+ years to terminate rights? I have a really tough love idea .. get your shit in one sock and together in 6 months, if you aren&#39;t clean and sober, you aren&#39;t working on getting some educational skills, or a job, then you are NOT ready to get that child back , 1 more chance in 3 months then thats it .. 9 months tops then get the kids into a permanent home, one that is safe

    I think workers that are pushed by bosses to realease kids back into biohomes before its safe should be able to call up some state judicial agency .. Judges that release these kids when the bioparents have NOT completed parenting classes, etc should be hung up to dry


    <font color="#3333ff">C: Maybe it depends on what state you live in but I thought foster kids would get Medicaid to pay for their medical expenses.

    R: foster kids get medicaid .. its when you adopt fosties, they push for no medicaid no support at first in many places .. But without it you may not have any insurance depending on what the regs are for your work ..

    <font color="#3333ff">C: Just tobe clear here if you don&#39;t mind, what is Matt&#39;s DX and how old was he when this happened?

    R: Matt had just turned 11 when he raped Bonnie (who was 10, MR) .. He had come out of a psych ward that fall .. the kids were overmedicated, ages 8-18, male & female ward, the nurses desk was off to side so you couldn&#39;t see the rooms, the night shift on Fridays were watching porn .. we pulled him AMA when we walked in on a Sat and one girl was melting on the floor (like the silver guy in the terminator movie), extremely overmedicated .. I found out from Matt they had given him a drug 2 days before that he had a severe reaction to (they never called) ... the kids asked to put in a movie staff said fine - it was the porn they had forgotten to take home - gang rape scenes in less than the first 5 mins .. that was it I had had it

    I am pretty sure Matt was sexually assaulted at the psych placement .. This however did not give him the right to do it to others

    Matt as a child FAS, ADHD, ODD/CD, PTSD, Intermittent explosive disorder, BP, brittle diabetic,some Drs called him a sociopath even that young.. at the time I didn&#39;t know about RAD he is definately a RADster .. while in residentials he sexually attacked at least one other girl, broke window over pregnant womens head etc etc .. very violent

    he is 23 now, in and out of jail, doing drugs, alcohol, we have a protection order out because he wants to kill us, apparently some charges pending for &#39;reg&#39; sexual assault, some supposedly on minors

    *SIDE NOTE: my DIL mother had been hospitalized there over 35 years ago and same issues then with medications etc


    <font color="#3333ff">C: If parents can&#39;t cook or don&#39;t understand how to feed a infant seems to me like<font color="#3333ff">that the baby should be taken and right&#39;s termated right then and there. I also think bio parents should have to be drug tested weekly and if they show + for drugs three different weeks that should end it. And the child never goes back there.
    <font color="#3333ff">
    >R I have never understood why you would return kids to a home when they have 18 broken bones, none set BTW ...
    <font color="#3333ff">Yea that&#39;s a sure sign that<font color="#3333ff"> that the kids don&#39;t go back. Letting them go back into that is wrong no matter how you look at it.

    >R Another bio-mom said she would quit drinking and they will occasionally do an alcohol test on her (if she shows for the appt) so
    > its ok to send the kids back? ..
    <font color="#3333ff">Instead of occasionally it should of been weekly, and if she didn&#39;t show the first time that was the end.

    R: My littles were bio-babies #4 & 5, I had a worker pissed off because I called all excited because "A" finally sorta touched Matt (it took 45 mins) her response "she&#39;s there to learn parenting - teach her how to make a Peanut butter sandwich" .. hello? she was 20 years old andafter 5 kids I am sure she knew how to make a sandwich, she didn&#39;t know how to talk to kids, or pick them up or snuggle or anything like that ..duh?

    <font color="#3333ff">C: Yes I&#39;m sure with my kids (I&#39;m the bio mom) having the internet would of helped me out a lot. See sometimes these kids that have issues like these two aren&#39;t even in foster care but at home with a mom that tried her best to do for them. But when you have one that&#39;s bipolar, that&#39;s got issues that the mom doesn&#39;t know about (youngest was abused by bio dad). I didn&#39;t know at the time it was happening because there was never a mark on him no clue to get my attention and of course from the time he learned to talk til after I left the jerk he was to afraid to speak up and come out and tell me
    <font color="#3333ff">
    <font color="#3333ff">
    <font color="#3333ff">Yes it can affect your health, I never had a break. I&#39;m sure some would say if they were that hard to handle why not give one up or both. No way would I of even thought that and because I&#39;m the safe person so to speak I still and I guess always will get some attacks verbally by the youngest.


    R: Physcial or sexual abuse on the youngest? regardless it becomes a trust issue .. Bonnie even blamed her younger brother because he didn&#39;t stop it - he didn&#39;t know it was happening either ..

    if sexual try rape crisis, they are fantastic .. even years after the rape they showed up at a DHS meeting because there was a male worker and Bonnie was scared to death .. I could call when guilt hit (how could I not see it etc etc) ..

    even with physical abuse it will take time for him to accept good touches (rough housing etc) without having issues

    Remind the kids "when YOU knew you made sure it stopped" ..

    Expect some flashbacks, when they are younger preliterate sometimes stuff comes out years later .. apparently "A" pushed Matt down the stairs before I got him, it came out one day when we were snuggling in chair .. sometimes their memory is in very disjointed jumbled picture format

    Some kids become RAD after trauma .. Is he acting out at this time? The RAD list I am on had been a life saver, I wish I had had it from the beginning

    Do you need a BP support list? I can check for one ..

    Ria
    HSLINKS@aol.com




  4. #4
    Candy Holbert
    Guest

    Default : FOSTER PARENTING 2

    On 3/14/08, R NORTH <hslinks@gmail.com> wrote:

    > C: Tho I know bipolar is genetic I supppose FAS could cause it also. But

    > since bio mom has it then that's likely where it came from.

    >

    > R: Bio-mom was FAS, her mother was probably FAS too .. 5 generations of

    > women all alcoholic having kids .. all low functioning too (FAS is leading

    > cause of MR)

    >

    > C: But, a couple took in a little boy under a year old. They wanted to adopt

    > him but couldn't because of the above issue. Just after this child turned 6

    > they gave him back to his bio mom who he had ever seen in all that time. Two

    > weeks later he was found stabbed to death, his bio mom killed him cause he

    > was crying. As the story goes he hadn't had anything to eat for several

    > days. I think at that age I'd be crying too if I hadn't have any food like

    > that. But of course the worker that allowed that to happen never was fired

    > or changed in his death.

    >

    > R: stories like this abound unfortunately they are true .. Why would anyone

    > with common sense say gee lets wait 5+ years to terminate rights? I have a

    > really tough love idea .. get your shit in one sock and together in 6

    > months, if you aren't clean and sober, you aren't working on getting some

    > educational skills, or a job, then you are NOT ready to get that child back

    > , 1 more chance in 3 months then thats it .. 9 months tops then get the kids

    > into a permanent home, one that is safe





    Yes I agree, the whole system needs to be changed so that these kinds

    of things stop. If I ever get done with school that's one of the

    things I'm going to fight for. I live close to Detroit and IF I can

    get any kind of changes started there hopefully the rest of the state

    will follow and other states will say hey look at that. lol I know I

    dream big but if I can change just one thing..............







    > I think workers that are pushed by bosses to realease kids back into

    > biohomes before its safe should be able to call up some state judicial

    > agency .. Judges that release these kids when the bioparents have NOT

    > completed parenting classes, etc should be hung up to dry

    >

    > C: Maybe it depends on what state you live in but I thought foster kids

    > would get Medicaid to pay for their medical expenses.

    >

    > R: foster kids get medicaid .. its when you adopt fosties, they push for no

    > medicaid no support at first in many places .. But without it you may not

    > have any insurance depending on what the regs are for your work ..

    >

    > C: Just to be clear here if you don't mind, what is Matt's DX and how old

    > was he when this happened?

    >

    > R: Matt had just turned 11 when he raped Bonnie (who was 10, MR) .. He had

    > come out of a psych ward that fall .. the kids were overmedicated, ages

    > 8-18, male & female ward, the nurses desk was off to side so you couldn't

    > see the rooms, the night shift on Fridays were watching porn .. we pulled

    > him AMA when we walked in on a Sat and one girl was melting on the floor

    > (like the silver guy in the terminator movie), extremely overmedicated .. I

    > found out from Matt they had given him a drug 2 days before that he had a

    > severe reaction to (they never called) ... the kids asked to put in a movie

    > staff said fine - it was the porn they had forgotten to take home - gang

    > rape scenes in less than the first 5 mins .. that was it I had had it



    Is this place still there? Looks like it should be shut down or

    something. The peole that work there should be taken to court and

    thrown in jail.







    > I am pretty sure Matt was sexually assaulted at the psych placement .. This

    > however did not give him the right to do it to others

    >

    Right but it might of made him want to do to others what was done to

    him due to all of his issues. Of course he may of raped her anyway. I

    think do to his issues he shouldn't be out in public but be in a

    hospital or kept in jail, something because he probbly is a sociopath

    but does he understand right from wrong? Due to the FAS he might not.

    Which is why a mental hospital would be a better place.



    The Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) is what my youngest was like

    at one point. But after almost a year in the last placement he was in,

    he had learned to control his temper and learned not to be so fast to

    hit. So he got the help he needed, tho everything wasn't worked out at

    least that much was.





    > Matt as a child FAS, ADHD, ODD/CD, PTSD, Intermittent explosive disorder,

    > BP, brittle diabetic, some Drs called him a sociopath even that young .. at

    > the time I didn't know about RAD he is definately a RADster .. while in

    > residentials he sexually attacked at least one other girl, broke window over

    > pregnant womens head etc etc .. very violent

    >

    > he is 23 now, in and out of jail, doing drugs, alcohol, we have a protection

    > order out because he wants to kill us, apparently some charges pending for

    > 'reg' sexual assault, some supposedly on minors

    And due to the law being the way it is, he would have to carry it out

    and kill you before the police will take him off the streets. Which is

    sad because you did everything that you knew to do to try and help him

    and give him the tools to lead a normal life.











    > *SIDE NOTE: my DIL mother had been hospitalized there over 35 years ago and

    > same issues then with medications etc

    >

    > C: If parents can't cook or don't understand how to feed a infant seems to

    > me like that the baby should be taken and right's termated right then and

    > there. I also think bio parents should have to be drug tested weekly and if

    > they show + for drugs three different weeks that should end it. And the

    > child never goes back there.

    > >R I have never understood why you would return kids to a home when they

    > have 18 broken bones, none set BTW ...

    > Yea that's a sure sign that that the kids don't go back. Letting them go

    > back into that is wrong no matter how you look at it.

    > >R Another bio-mom said she would quit drinking and they will occasionally

    > do an alcohol test on her (if she shows for the appt) so

    > > its ok to send the kids back? ..

    > Instead of occasionally it should of been weekly, and if she didn't show the

    > first time that was the end.

    >

    > R: My littles were bio-babies #4 & 5, I had a worker pissed off because I

    > called all excited because "A" finally sorta touched Matt (it took 45 mins)

    > her response "she's there to learn parenting - teach her how to make a

    > Peanut butter sandwich" .. hello? she was 20 years old and after 5 kids I

    > am sure she knew how to make a sandwich, she didn't know how to talk to

    > kids, or pick them up or snuggle or anything like that ..duh?

    >

    She had 5 kids before she was 20? WOW Now I was 20 when I had my first

    one but I knew how to take care of him. He was always held when given

    a bottle, fed baby food etc. Neither one of my kids ever had a diaper

    rash, don't know if that was just the way it was, or if it was because

    they never stayed in a dirty or wet diaper more than a few min.



    My oldest is named Matt and even with the Asperger's he can make a

    sandwich without help and has done so for a long time now. He can use

    the microwave to make something tho he's scared of the stove and isn't

    interested in learning to cook. Maybe I should of pushed it but I

    didn't since his attention span is much like a 2-4 yo a lot of the

    time.





    C: Yes I'm sure with my kids (I'm the bio mom) having the internet would of

    > helped me out a lot. See sometimes these kids that have issues like these

    > two aren't even in foster care but at home with a mom that tried her best to

    > do for them. But when you have one that's bipolar, that's got issues that

    > the mom doesn't know about (youngest was abused by bio dad). I didn't know

    > at the time it was happening because there was never a mark on him no clue

    > to get my attention and of course from the time he learned to talk til after

    > I left the jerk he was to afraid to speak up and come out and tell me

    >

    > Yes it can affect your health, I never had a break. I'm sure some would say

    > if they were that hard to handle why not give one up or both. No way would I

    > of even thought that and because I'm the safe person so to speak I still and

    > I guess always will get some attacks verbally by the youngest.

    >

    > R: Physcial or sexual abuse on the youngest? regardless it becomes a trust

    > issue .. Bonnie even blamed her younger brother because he didn't stop it -

    > he didn't know it was happening either ..



    Physcial and verbal, never sexual thank god. But he blames me and I

    guess he always will. I feel guilty becausae I didn't see it, I

    should of known about the verbal since I was verbally abused too. I

    just thought it was just me, he was as far as I know ever abusive with

    my oldest which I figure was because he wasn't the bio dad. If I had

    known then what I know now I would of left him before my youngest DJ

    was even born. Instead I stayed for almost 7 years. I was young and

    had very low self esteem and he had brain washed me into thinking I

    couldn't do anything without him and that he was the only one that

    would ever love me, etc.





    > if sexual try rape crisis, they are fantastic .. even years after the rape

    > they showed up at a DHS meeting because there was a male worker and Bonnie

    > was scared to death .. I could call when guilt hit (how could I not see it

    > etc etc) ..

    >

    > even with physical abuse it will take time for him to accept good touches

    > (rough housing etc) without having issues

    >

    > Remind the kids "when YOU knew you made sure it stopped" ..

    >

    That's just it, I left him before I knew about it. Part of the reason

    I stayed so long was because he told me if I ever left he would kill

    me. But when he started bringing his gf into my house and having sex

    with her I got out as soon as I could get enough money to do so. That

    was 6 very long months of hell for me. It's one thing to be cheated on

    something he did for most of the relationship but bring her into my

    house that's lower than low. We left when DJ was 6 and he was 8 when

    I found out about it.





    > Expect some flashbacks, when they are younger preliterate sometimes stuff

    > comes out years later .. apparently "A" pushed Matt down the stairs before I

    > got him, it came out one day when we were snuggling in chair .. sometimes

    > their memory is in very disjointed jumbled picture format

    >

    > Some kids become RAD after trauma .. Is he acting out at this time? The RAD

    > list I am on had been a life saver, I wish I had had it from the beginning

    >

    > Do you need a BP support list? I can check for one ..

    >

    I would love to have a BP support list. He's very anti social doesn't

    like being out in public at all for any reason. He doesn't really act

    out any more, but I do wonder if the anti social issues may be due to

    having RAD. I don't know really anything about it but he kept ending

    up in juvie cause he would cut classes in part to smoke weed but

    partly too cause he didn't like school which I think school was boring

    and he never felt comfortable with so many people around him. Now he's

    got a GED and goes to college online that way there's no classes with

    people to deal with. He won't get a job and I think that he's lazy

    partly. But I also think it's this anti social issue that's the

    problem too.



    > Ria

    > HSLINKS@aol.com

    >






  5. #5
    mem68
    Guest

    Default : FOSTER PARENTING 2


    What is RAD?
    Are these foster,adopted,or your own children?
    Did these things happpen now or in the past?
    [quote]
    ----- Original Message -----
    From: R NORTH
    To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
    Sent: Friday, March 14, 2008 2:08 PM
    Subject: Re: Budget101.com : Re:: FOSTER PARENTING 2


    <FONT color="#3333ff">C: Tho I know bipolar is genetic I supppose FAS could cause italso. But since bio mom has it then that's likely where it came from.

    R: Bio-mom was FAS, her mother was probably FAS too .. 5 generations of women all alcoholic having kids .. all low functioning too (FAS is leading cause of MR)

    <FONT color="#3333ff">C: But, a couple took in a little boy under a year old. They wanted to adopt him but couldn't because of the above issue. Just after this child turned 6 they gave him back to his bio mom who he had ever seen in all that time. Two weeks later he was foundstabbed to death, his bio mom killed him cause he was crying. As the story goes he hadn't had anything to eat for several days. I think at that age I'd be crying too if I hadn't have any food like that. But of course the worker that allowed that to happen never was fired or changed in his death.

    R: stories like this abound unfortunately they are true .. Why would anyone with common sense say gee lets wait 5+ years to terminate rights? I have a really tough love idea .. get your shit in one sock and together in 6 months, if you aren't clean and sober, you aren't working on getting some educational skills, or a job, then you are NOT ready to get that child back , 1 more chance in 3 months then thats it .. 9 months tops then get the kids into a permanent home, one that is safe

    I think workers that are pushed by bosses to realease kids back into biohomes before its safe should be able to call up some state judicial agency .. Judges that release these kids when the bioparents have NOT completed parenting classes, etc should be hung up to dry


    <FONT color="#3333ff">C: Maybe it depends on what state you live in but I thought foster kids would get Medicaid to pay for their medical expenses.

    R: foster kids get medicaid .. its when you adopt fosties, they push for no medicaid no support at first in many places .. But without it you may not have any insurance depending on what the regs are for your work ..

    <FONT color="#3333ff">C: Just tobe clear here if you don't mind, what is Matt's DX and how old was he when this happened?

    R: Matt had just turned 11 when he raped Bonnie (who was 10, MR) .. He had come out of a psych ward that fall .. the kids were overmedicated, ages 8-18, male & female ward, the nurses desk was off to side so you couldn't see the rooms, the night shift on Fridays were watching porn .. we pulled him AMA when we walked in on a Sat and one girl was melting on the floor (like the silver guy in the terminator movie), extremely overmedicated .. I found out from Matt they had given him a drug 2 days before that he had a severe reaction to (they never called) ... the kids asked to put in a movie staff said fine - it was the porn they had forgotten to take home - gang rape scenes in less than the first 5 mins .. that was it I had had it

    I am pretty sure Matt was sexually assaulted at the psych placement .. This however did not give him the right to do it to others

    Matt as a child FAS, ADHD, ODD/CD, PTSD, Intermittent explosive disorder, BP, brittle diabetic,some Drs called him a sociopath even that young.. at the time I didn't know about RAD he is definately a RADster .. while in residentials he sexually attacked at least one other girl, broke window over pregnant womens head etc etc .. very violent

    he is 23 now, in and out of jail, doing drugs, alcohol, we have a protection order out because he wants to kill us, apparently some charges pending for 'reg' sexual assault, some supposedly on minors

    *SIDE NOTE: my DIL mother had been hospitalized there over 35 years ago and same issues then with medications etc


    <FONT color="#3333ff">C: If parents can't cook or don't understand how to feed a infant seems to me like<FONT color="#3333ff">that the baby should be taken and right's termated right then and there. I also think bio parents should have to be drug tested weekly and if they show + for drugs three different weeks that should end it. And the child never goes back there.
    <FONT color="#3333ff">
    >R I have never understood why you would return kids to a home when they have 18 broken bones, none set BTW ...
    <FONT color="#3333ff">Yea that's a sure sign that<FONT color="#3333ff"> that the kids don't go back. Letting them go back into that is wrong no matter how you look at it.

    >R Another bio-mom said she would quit drinking and they will occasionally do an alcohol test on her (if she shows for the appt) so
    > its ok to send the kids back? ..
    <FONT color="#3333ff">Instead of occasionally it should of been weekly, and if she didn't show the first time that was the end.

    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">R: My littles were bio-babies #4 & 5, I had a worker pissed off because I called all excited because "A" finally sorta touched Matt (it took 45 mins) her response "she's there to learn parenting - teach her how to make a Peanut butter sandwich" .. hello? she was 20 years old andafter 5 kids I am sure she knew how to make a sandwich, she didn't know how to talk to kids, or pick them up or snuggle or anything like that ..duh?
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote"><FONT color="#3333ff">C: Yes I'm sure with my kids (I'm the bio mom) having the internet would of helped me out a lot. See sometimes these kids that have issues like these two aren't even in foster care but at home with a mom that tried her best to do for them. But when you have one that's bipolar, that's got issues that the mom doesn't know about (youngest was abused by bio dad). I didn't know at the time it was happening because there was never a mark on him no clue to get my attention and of course from the time he learned to talk til after I left the jerk he was to afraid to speak up and come out and tell me
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote"><FONT color="#3333ff">
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote"><FONT color="#3333ff">
    <FONT color="#3333ff">Yes it can affect your health, I never had a break. I'm sure some would say if they were that hard to handle why not give one up or both. No way would I of even thought that and because I'm the safe person so to speak I still and I guess always will get some attacks verbally by the youngest.
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">R: Physcial or sexual abuse on the youngest? regardless it becomes a trust issue .. Bonnie even blamed her younger brother because he didn't stop it - he didn't know it was happening either ..
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">if sexual try rape crisis, they are fantastic .. even years after the rape they showed up at a DHS meeting because there was a male worker and Bonnie was scared to death .. I could call when guilt hit (how could I not see it etc etc) ..
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">even with physical abuse it will take time for him to accept good touches (rough housing etc) without having issues
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">Remind the kids "when YOU knew you made sure it stopped" ..
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">Expect some flashbacks, when they are younger preliterate sometimes stuff comes out years later .. apparently "A" pushed Matt down the stairs before I got him, it came out one day when we were snuggling in chair .. sometimes their memory is in very disjointed jumbled picture format
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">Some kids become RAD after trauma .. Is he acting out at this time? The RAD list I am on had been a life saver, I wish I had had it from the beginning
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">Do you need a BP support list? I can check for one ..
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">Ria
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">HSLINKS@aol.com
    <SPAN class="gmail_quote">





    No virus found in this incoming message.
    Checked by AVG.
    Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.21.7/1329 - Release Date: 3/14/2008 12:33 PM




  6. #6
    R NORTH
    Guest

    Default : FOSTER PARENTING 2

    RAD reactive attachment disorder ..

    kids do not bond with anyone or anything .. they have survival techniques when younger IE: acting cute etc so they get fed etc .. but no true bonding or caring

    CAUSE: trauma, also some kids who have had numerous hospitializations can become RAD .. there are now some therapists who work with parents and children, but good ones are hard to find .. after almost 22 years (minus 4 months) my dd could care less about the family as long as the current placement continues to give her things and not expect her to do anything other than clear her dishes (thats all the jobs/chores she has at age 22 now)

    We adopted, but as I said you can have a bio child with RAD because of trauma or hospitalizations (yours or theirs)

    Ria


    On 3/15/08, mem68[/b] <mildreda@lcs.net> wrote:








    <font face="Arial" size="2">What is RAD?
    <font face="Arial" size="2">Are these foster,adopted,or your own children?
    <font face="Arial" size="2">Did these things happpen now or in the past?
    <blockquote style="BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid;">
    <span class="e" id="q_118b3572a7040139_1">
    <div style="FONT: 10pt arial;">----- Original Message -----
    <div style="BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4;FONT: 10pt arial;">From: R NORTH
    <div style="FONT: 10pt arial;">To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
    <div style="FONT: 10pt arial;">Sent: Friday, March 14, 2008 2:08 PM
    <div style="FONT: 10pt arial;">Subject: Re: Budget101.com : Re:: FOSTER PARENTING 2


    <font color="#3333ff">C: Tho I know bipolar is genetic I supppose FAS could cause italso. But since bio mom has it then that&#39;s likely where it came from.

    R: Bio-mom was FAS, her mother was probably FAS too .. 5 generations of women all alcoholic having kids .. all low functioning too (FAS is leading cause of MR)

    <font color="#3333ff">C: But, a couple took in a little boy under a year old. They wanted to adopt him but couldn&#39;t because of the above issue. Just after this child turned 6 they gave him back to his bio mom who he had ever seen in all that time. Two weeks later he was foundstabbed to death, his bio mom killed him cause he was crying. As the story goes he hadn&#39;t had anything to eat for several days. I think at that age I&#39;d be crying too if I hadn&#39;t have any food like that. But of course the worker that allowed that to happen never was fired or changed in his death.

    R: stories like this abound unfortunately they are true .. Why would anyone with common sense say gee lets wait 5+ years to terminate rights? I have a really tough love idea .. get your shit in one sock and together in 6 months, if you aren&#39;t clean and sober, you aren&#39;t working on getting some educational skills, or a job, then you are NOT ready to get that child back , 1 more chance in 3 months then thats it .. 9 months tops then get the kids into a permanent home, one that is safe

    I think workers that are pushed by bosses to realease kids back into biohomes before its safe should be able to call up some state judicial agency .. Judges that release these kids when the bioparents have NOT completed parenting classes, etc should be hung up to dry


    <font color="#3333ff">C: Maybe it depends on what state you live in but I thought foster kids would get Medicaid to pay for their medical expenses.

    R: foster kids get medicaid .. its when you adopt fosties, they push for no medicaid no support at first in many places .. But without it you may not have any insurance depending on what the regs are for your work ..

    <font color="#3333ff">C: Just tobe clear here if you don&#39;t mind, what is Matt&#39;s DX and how old was he when this happened?

    R: Matt had just turned 11 when he raped Bonnie (who was 10, MR) .. He had come out of a psych ward that fall .. the kids were overmedicated, ages 8-18, male & female ward, the nurses desk was off to side so you couldn&#39;t see the rooms, the night shift on Fridays were watching porn .. we pulled him AMA when we walked in on a Sat and one girl was melting on the floor (like the silver guy in the terminator movie), extremely overmedicated .. I found out from Matt they had given him a drug 2 days before that he had a severe reaction to (they never called) ... the kids asked to put in a movie staff said fine - it was the porn they had forgotten to take home - gang rape scenes in less than the first 5 mins .. that was it I had had it

    I am pretty sure Matt was sexually assaulted at the psych placement .. This however did not give him the right to do it to others

    Matt as a child FAS, ADHD, ODD/CD, PTSD, Intermittent explosive disorder, BP, brittle diabetic,some Drs called him a sociopath even that young.. at the time I didn&#39;t know about RAD he is definately a RADster .. while in residentials he sexually attacked at least one other girl, broke window over pregnant womens head etc etc .. very violent

    he is 23 now, in and out of jail, doing drugs, alcohol, we have a protection order out because he wants to kill us, apparently some charges pending for &#39;reg&#39; sexual assault, some supposedly on minors

    *SIDE NOTE: my DIL mother had been hospitalized there over 35 years ago and same issues then with medications etc


    <font color="#3333ff">C: If parents can&#39;t cook or don&#39;t understand how to feed a infant seems to me like<font color="#3333ff">that the baby should be taken and right&#39;s termated right then and there. I also think bio parents should have to be drug tested weekly and if they show + for drugs three different weeks that should end it. And the child never goes back there.
    <font color="#3333ff">
    >R I have never understood why you would return kids to a home when they have 18 broken bones, none set BTW ...
    <font color="#3333ff">Yea that&#39;s a sure sign that<font color="#3333ff"> that the kids don&#39;t go back. Letting them go back into that is wrong no matter how you look at it.

    >R Another bio-mom said she would quit drinking and they will occasionally do an alcohol test on her (if she shows for the appt) so
    > its ok to send the kids back? ..
    <font color="#3333ff">Instead of occasionally it should of been weekly, and if she didn&#39;t show the first time that was the end.

    R: My littles were bio-babies #4 & 5, I had a worker pissed off because I called all excited because "A" finally sorta touched Matt (it took 45 mins) her response "she&#39;s there to learn parenting - teach her how to make a Peanut butter sandwich" .. hello? she was 20 years old andafter 5 kids I am sure she knew how to make a sandwich, she didn&#39;t know how to talk to kids, or pick them up or snuggle or anything like that ..duh?

    <font color="#3333ff">C: Yes I&#39;m sure with my kids (I&#39;m the bio mom) having the internet would of helped me out a lot. See sometimes these kids that have issues like these two aren&#39;t even in foster care but at home with a mom that tried her best to do for them. But when you have one that&#39;s bipolar, that&#39;s got issues that the mom doesn&#39;t know about (youngest was abused by bio dad). I didn&#39;t know at the time it was happening because there was never a mark on him no clue to get my attention and of course from the time he learned to talk til after I left the jerk he was to afraid to speak up and come out and tell me
    <font color="#3333ff">
    <font color="#3333ff">
    <font color="#3333ff">Yes it can affect your health, I never had a break. I&#39;m sure some would say if they were that hard to handle why not give one up or both. No way would I of even thought that and because I&#39;m the safe person so to speak I still and I guess always will get some attacks verbally by the youngest.


    R: Physcial or sexual abuse on the youngest? regardless it becomes a trust issue .. Bonnie even blamed her younger brother because he didn&#39;t stop it - he didn&#39;t know it was happening either ..

    if sexual try rape crisis, they are fantastic .. even years after the rape they showed up at a DHS meeting because there was a male worker and Bonnie was scared to death .. I could call when guilt hit (how could I not see it etc etc) ..

    even with physical abuse it will take time for him to accept good touches (rough housing etc) without having issues

    Remind the kids "when YOU knew you made sure it stopped" ..

    Expect some flashbacks, when they are younger preliterate sometimes stuff comes out years later .. apparently "A" pushed Matt down the stairs before I got him, it came out one day when we were snuggling in chair .. sometimes their memory is in very disjointed jumbled picture format

    Some kids become RAD after trauma .. Is he acting out at this time? The RAD list I am on had been a life saver, I wish I had had it from the beginning

    Do you need a BP support list? I can check for one ..

    Ria
    HSLINKS@aol.com
    <span style="COLOR: white;" width="1">



    <hr>


    No virus found in this incoming message.
    Checked by AVG.
    Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.21.7/1329 - Release Date: 3/14/2008 12:33 PM



    [/quote]







  7. #7
    Tressa Watts
    Guest

    Default : FOSTER PARENTING 2

    I watched a documentary on Ted Kyzinsky (sp) the Unibomber and his mom said he was really sick as a baby and was in the hospital..after that he never bonded with her again and totally changed and trusted nobody. He had RAD...very sad as he was a normal caring baby before that.




    To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
    From: hslinks@gmail.com
    Date: Sat, 15 Mar 2008 15:46:46 -0400
    Subject: Re: Budget101.com : Re:: FOSTER PARENTING 2





    RAD reactive attachment disorder ..

    kids do not bond with anyone or anything .. they have survival techniques when younger IE: acting cute etc so they get fed etc .. but no true bonding or caring

    CAUSE: trauma, also some kids who have had numerous hospitializations can become RAD .. there are now some therapists who work with parents and children, but good ones are hard to find .. after almost 22 years (minus 4 months) my dd could care less about the family as long as the current placement continues to give her things and not expect her to do anything other than clear her dishes (thats all the jobs/chores she has at age 22 now)

    We adopted, but as I said you can have a bio child with RAD because of trauma or hospitalizations (yours or theirs)

    Ria


    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">On 3/15/08, <B class="EC_gmail_sendername">mem68[/B] <mildreda@lcs.net> wrote: <BLOCKQUOTE class="EC_gmail_quote" style="BORDER-LEFT: #ccc 1px solid;">
    <DIV style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;">






    What is RAD?
    Are these foster,adopted,or your own children?
    Did these things happpen now or in the past?
    [quote]
    <SPAN class="EC_e" id="EC_q_118b3572a7040139_1">
    ----- Original Message -----
    From: R NORTH
    To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
    Sent: Friday, March 14, 2008 2:08 PM
    Subject: Re: Budget101.com : Re:: FOSTER PARENTING 2


    <FONT color="#3333ff">C: Tho I know bipolar is genetic I supppose FAS could cause italso. But since bio mom has it then that's likely where it came from.

    R: Bio-mom was FAS, her mother was probably FAS too .. 5 generations of women all alcoholic having kids .. all low functioning too (FAS is leading cause of MR)

    <FONT color="#3333ff">C: But, a couple took in a little boy under a year old. They wanted to adopt him but couldn't because of the above issue. Just after this child turned 6 they gave him back to his bio mom who he had ever seen in all that time. Two weeks later he was foundstabbed to death, his bio mom killed him cause he was crying. As the story goes he hadn't had anything to eat for several days. I think at that age I'd be crying too if I hadn't have any food like that. But of course the worker that allowed that to happen never was fired or changed in his death.

    R: stories like this abound unfortunately they are true .. Why would anyone with common sense say gee lets wait 5+ years to terminate rights? I have a really tough love idea .. get your shit in one sock and together in 6 months, if you aren't clean and sober, you aren't working on getting some educational skills, or a job, then you are NOT ready to get that child back , 1 more chance in 3 months then thats it .. 9 months tops then get the kids into a permanent home, one that is safe

    I think workers that are pushed by bosses to realease kids back into biohomes before its safe should be able to call up some state judicial agency .. Judges that release these kids when the bioparents have NOT completed parenting classes, etc should be hung up to dry


    <FONT color="#3333ff">C: Maybe it depends on what state you live in but I thought foster kids would get Medicaid to pay for their medical expenses.

    R: foster kids get medicaid .. its when you adopt fosties, they push for no medicaid no support at first in many places .. But without it you may not have any insurance depending on what the regs are for your work ..

    <FONT color="#3333ff">C: Just tobe clear here if you don't mind, what is Matt's DX and how old was he when this happened?

    R: Matt had just turned 11 when he raped Bonnie (who was 10, MR) .. He had come out of a psych ward that fall .. the kids were overmedicated, ages 8-18, male & female ward, the nurses desk was off to side so you couldn't see the rooms, the night shift on Fridays were watching porn .. we pulled him AMA when we walked in on a Sat and one girl was melting on the floor (like the silver guy in the terminator movie), extremely overmedicated .. I found out from Matt they had given him a drug 2 days before that he had a severe reaction to (they never called) ... the kids asked to put in a movie staff said fine - it was the porn they had forgotten to take home - gang rape scenes in less than the first 5 mins .. that was it I had had it

    I am pretty sure Matt was sexually assaulted at the psych placement .. This however did not give him the right to do it to others

    Matt as a child FAS, ADHD, ODD/CD, PTSD, Intermittent explosive disorder, BP, brittle diabetic,some Drs called him a sociopath even that young.. at the time I didn't know about RAD he is definately a RADster .. while in residentials he sexually attacked at least one other girl, broke window over pregnant womens head etc etc .. very violent

    he is 23 now, in and out of jail, doing drugs, alcohol, we have a protection order out because he wants to kill us, apparently some charges pending for 'reg' sexual assault, some supposedly on minors

    *SIDE NOTE: my DIL mother had been hospitalized there over 35 years ago and same issues then with medications etc


    <FONT color="#3333ff">C: If parents can't cook or don't understand how to feed a infant seems to me like<FONT color="#3333ff">that the baby should be taken and right's termated right then and there. I also think bio parents should have to be drug tested weekly and if they show + for drugs three different weeks that should end it. And the child never goes back there.
    <FONT color="#3333ff">
    >R I have never understood why you would return kids to a home when they have 18 broken bones, none set BTW ...
    <FONT color="#3333ff">Yea that's a sure sign that<FONT color="#3333ff"> that the kids don't go back. Letting them go back into that is wrong no matter how you look at it.

    >R Another bio-mom said she would quit drinking and they will occasionally do an alcohol test on her (if she shows for the appt) so
    > its ok to send the kids back? ..
    <FONT color="#3333ff">Instead of occasionally it should of been weekly, and if she didn't show the first time that was the end.

    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">R: My littles were bio-babies #4 & 5, I had a worker pissed off because I called all excited because "A" finally sorta touched Matt (it took 45 mins) her response "she's there to learn parenting - teach her how to make a Peanut butter sandwich" .. hello? she was 20 years old andafter 5 kids I am sure she knew how to make a sandwich, she didn't know how to talk to kids, or pick them up or snuggle or anything like that ..duh?
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote"><FONT color="#3333ff">C: Yes I'm sure with my kids (I'm the bio mom) having the internet would of helped me out a lot. See sometimes these kids that have issues like these two aren't even in foster care but at home with a mom that tried her best to do for them. But when you have one that's bipolar, that's got issues that the mom doesn't know about (youngest was abused by bio dad). I didn't know at the time it was happening because there was never a mark on him no clue to get my attention and of course from the time he learned to talk til after I left the jerk he was to afraid to speak up and come out and tell me
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote"><FONT color="#3333ff">
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote"><FONT color="#3333ff">
    <FONT color="#3333ff">Yes it can affect your health, I never had a break. I'm sure some would say if they were that hard to handle why not give one up or both. No way would I of even thought that and because I'm the safe person so to speak I still and I guess always will get some attacks verbally by the youngest.
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">R: Physcial or sexual abuse on the youngest? regardless it becomes a trust issue .. Bonnie even blamed her younger brother because he didn't stop it - he didn't know it was happening either ..
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">if sexual try rape crisis, they are fantastic .. even years after the rape they showed up at a DHS meeting because there was a male worker and Bonnie was scared to death .. I could call when guilt hit (how could I not see it etc etc) ..
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">even with physical abuse it will take time for him to accept good touches (rough housing etc) without having issues
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">Remind the kids "when YOU knew you made sure it stopped" ..
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">Expect some flashbacks, when they are younger preliterate sometimes stuff comes out years later .. apparently "A" pushed Matt down the stairs before I got him, it came out one day when we were snuggling in chair .. sometimes their memory is in very disjointed jumbled picture format
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">Some kids become RAD after trauma .. Is he acting out at this time? The RAD list I am on had been a life saver, I wish I had had it from the beginning
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">Do you need a BP support list? I can check for one ..
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">Ria
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">HSLINKS@aol.com
    <SPAN class="EC_gmail_quote">







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  8. #8
    Candy Holbert
    Guest

    Default : FOSTER PARENTING 2

    I'll let someone else explain RAD.



    In my case these are my bio kids. It's ongoing as they don't out grow

    these things. I'll always have problems with my youngest no matter

    how old he is. Oh and a lot of youngest one's issues centers around

    his dad's abusing him.

    Candy





    On 3/15/08, mem68 <mildreda@lcs.net> wrote:

    > What is RAD?

    > Are these foster,adopted,or your own children?

    > Did these things happpen now or in the past?





    <excess snipped by mods>






 

 

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