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    Results 1 to 8 of 27
    1. #1
      paradise2lost
      Guest

      Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

      My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent

      bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our

      continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years now,

      have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

      marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things

      on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

      when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always

      happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt up

      to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the "bill

      payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me

      for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills

      correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the

      money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is if

      you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

      the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the

      other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having

      utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit

      that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over doing

      the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never really

      worked off a budget... I've attempted to several times, but seeing

      all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

      paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've actually

      listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!

      He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still on

      here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?

      etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

      conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

      husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell

      too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for

      everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous stuff

      for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

      errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times

      (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm

      most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

      week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The

      last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch from

      home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice

      in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same, but

      he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at

      the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it for

      him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my

      own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I

      right?!



      The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

      The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's enough

      that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting

      about money.



      I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

      both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our actual

      take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,

      onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

      behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

      collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually down

      to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles

      from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

      together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is

      8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2

      and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

      clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.

      We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

      primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of

      living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.



      HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been primarily

      a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I guess the latest

      blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of

      you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his

      website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up for

      his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?



      Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!

      Wendy in MI








    2. #2
      Idodc@aol.com
      Guest

      Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!




      In a message dated 8/29/2007 8:52:43 AM Eastern Daylight Time, sobecksofthenorth@yahoo.com writes:
      Throughout our life together I have been the "bill
      payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me
      for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills
      correctly. That

      Hand him the bills and tell him if he thinks he can do a better job go right ahead... I did that with my husband, he started to respect how much it takes to run the house and he did a decent job of paying the bills and I was thrilled not to have to do it any more..

      alana


      Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.



    3. #3
      Thomas & Tracy Harris
      Guest

      Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

      Wendy,



      go to your local library and get Total Money Makeover, and/or Financial Peace

      both by Dave Ramsey.



      You and YOUR HUSBAND have to read the books. And get on the plan TOGETHER or it

      will never work.



      Thomas & Tracy Harris

      TNT Quarter Horses home of:

      TNTS Jack Be Blue - 2004 AQHA Buckskin Stallion

      TNTS Medicine Man - 2005 AQHA Perlino Stallion



      ----- Original Message -----

      From: paradise2lost

      To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com

      Sent: Tuesday, August 28, 2007 8:44 PM

      Subject: Budget101.com : So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!





      My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent

      bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our

      continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years now,

      have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

      marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things

      on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

      when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always

      happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt up

      to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the "bill

      payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me

      for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills

      correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the

      money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is if

      you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

      the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the

      other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having

      utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit

      that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over doing

      the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never really

      worked off a budget... I've attempted to several times, but seeing

      all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

      paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've actually

      listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!

      He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still on

      here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?

      etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

      conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

      husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell

      too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for

      everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous stuff

      for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

      errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times

      (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm

      most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

      week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The

      last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch from

      home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice

      in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same, but

      he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at

      the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it for

      him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my

      own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I

      right?!



      The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

      The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's enough

      that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting

      about money.



      I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

      both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our actual

      take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,

      onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

      behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

      collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually down

      to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles

      from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

      together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is

      8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2

      and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

      clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.

      We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

      primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of

      living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.



      HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been primarily

      a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I guess the latest

      blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of

      you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his

      website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up for

      his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?



      Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!

      Wendy in MI








    4. #4
      Ria
      Guest

      Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

      I would highly recommend you reading the book Total

      Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. I haven't committed to

      his plan yet, but I've lurked on the message board for

      quite some time and have learned a lot.



      His plan concentrates on going through certain baby

      steps in order....and creating a zero based budget and

      using the envelope system. All good stuff.



      Borrow the book from the library if you can, or maybe

      you can find a good deal at half.com.



      I can see how frustrated you are with the situation,

      especially when you have a spouse that isn't on the

      same page. You have to get serious with the finances

      in order to change things.



      Good luck!



      Hugs,

      Ria

      --- paradise2lost <sobecksofthenorth@yahoo.com> wrote:



      > My husband got home from work today and a glance at

      > the most recent

      > bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet

      > another round of our

      > continuing battle over bills! We've been married

      > over 10 years now,

      > have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from

      > his first

      > marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her

      > out with things

      > on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over

      > our heads. Just

      > when we feel like we're getting on top of things,

      > something always

      > happens to throw a wrench into our finances and

      > we're back in debt up

      > to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I

      > have been the "bill

      > payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My

      > husband blames me

      > for our financial situation... he says I am not

      > paying the bills

      > correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not

      > spreading the

      > money around a little here a little there..." My

      > point to him is if

      > you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only

      > enough to make

      > the minimum payments on each, or pay off one

      > completely and let the

      > other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd

      > end up having

      > utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no

      > groceries, or worse credit

      > that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually

      > take over doing

      > the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it!

      > We've never really

      > worked off a budget... I've attempted to several

      > times, but seeing

      > all the debt written out on paper just seems to make

      > the task of

      > paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus,

      > when I've actually

      > listed everything in black and white, it just sets

      > my husband off!

      > He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is

      > that bill still on

      > here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we

      > behind on that one?!?

      > etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a

      > meaningful

      > conversation about getting our finances straightened

      > out, but my

      > husband just starts yelling at me and then I get

      > defensive and yell

      > too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of

      > being blamed for

      > everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes

      > or frivolous stuff

      > for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I

      > have made a few

      > errors in our check book that have screwed up our

      > finances at times

      > (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial

      > "sin" I'm

      > most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often

      > during the work

      > week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the

      > only one. The

      > last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort

      > to take lunch from

      > home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate

      > out once or twice

      > in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should

      > do the same, but

      > he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast

      > and/or lunch at

      > the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch

      > if I made it for

      > him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If

      > I can make my

      > own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for

      > himself. Am I

      > right?!

      >

      > The thing is... in almost every other way, our

      > marriage is great.

      > The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money.

      > But it's enough

      > that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and

      > tired of fighting

      > about money.

      >

      > I know we should be doing a lot better than we are

      > right now. We

      > both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a

      > year... but our actual

      > take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k,

      > husband's union dues,

      > onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per

      > month. We are

      > behind on a few things and have some old debt that

      > has gone to

      > collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but

      > we're usually down

      > to the wire to get it in on time each month. We

      > live about 25 miles

      > from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot

      > really ride

      > together as our work hours are very different most

      > days. Our son is

      > 8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our

      > daughter is 4 1/2

      > and starting PreSchool this year. They both need

      > new shoes and

      > clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school

      > starts next week.

      > We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra

      > money. Our

      > primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals.

      > I'm tired of

      > living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

      >

      > HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've

      > been primarily

      > a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I

      > guess the latest

      > blow up with my husband today prompted me to write.

      > I know many of

      > you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have

      > actually been to his

      > website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking

      > of signing up for

      > his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you

      > done it?

      >

      > Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks

      > for listening!

      > Wendy in MI

      >

      >









      __________________________________________________ ______________________________\

      ____

      Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search

      that gives answers, not web links.

      http://mobile.yahoo.com/mobileweb/on...h?refer=1ONXIC






    5. #5
      Lisa Davis
      Guest

      Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

      I don't really have much advice to give you, except if he's going to complain and tell you how to do it, then tell him to do it himself and see how good he is at it.My husband and I are in the same position, we've been married for 17 years and and have two teenagersI have always done the finances though I'm not the best at budgeting money. A few years back we started getting further and further behind and he started blaming me for the mess. I took all the bills one night and dumped them on his lap as he sat and watched tv. I told him if he didn't like the way it was done, then he could either do it himself, help me do it or shut up. He didn't take over the bills, but the complaints did slow down a bitand now everytime he starts to complain about how I'm doing it, I tell him I'm more than happy to let him take over, since I have been the one doing it all these years and it washis turn.He usually stays quiet for a few weeks after that.
      I know it's probably not the best advice, but it worked for me. (so far).

      paradise2lost <sobecksofthenorth@yahoo.com> wrote: My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent
      bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our
      continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years now,
      have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first
      marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things
      on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads.
      Just
      when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always
      happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt up
      to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the "bill
      payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me
      for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills
      correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the
      money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is if
      you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make
      the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the
      other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having
      utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit
      that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over doing
      the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never really
      worked off a budget... I've attempted to several
      times, but seeing
      all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of
      paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've actually
      listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!
      He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still on
      here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?
      etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful
      conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my
      husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell
      too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for
      everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous stuff
      for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few
      errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times
      (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm
      most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the
      work
      week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The
      last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch from
      home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice
      in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same, but
      he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at
      the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it for
      him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my
      own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I
      right?!

      The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.
      The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's enough
      that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting
      about money.

      I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We
      both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our actual
      take home pay
      (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,
      onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are
      behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to
      collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually down
      to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles
      from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride
      together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is
      8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2
      and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and
      clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.
      We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our
      primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of
      living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

      HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been primarily
      a "lurker" on this group for several
      months now. I guess the latest
      blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of
      you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his
      website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up for
      his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?

      Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!
      Wendy in MI






      &#32;
      Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels with Yahoo! FareChase.


    6. #6
      herberkids3
      Guest

      Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

      It can be hard to pare down to just the absolute neccesities, but

      you are making enough to make it work (I, too, live in Michigan, we

      have 3 kids at home, and a bring home pay of just barely over $2000

      a month, and very little debt).



      For starters, you need to evaluate what bills you have that are not

      neccessary, and can be cut back, or turned off all together for a

      short time:



      Cell Phones

      Landline Phone (If you use cell's primarily)

      Cable TV

      Internet

      Credit Card Usage





      Some bills that can almost -always- be trimmed are:



      Food Budget

      Entertainment Budget





      You need to clear your life of things you can't afford. If your

      bills are only getting a minimal amount each month, then they are

      building up too fast, and there are things in your life you can't

      afford. Get rid of those extras. They are not essential to living

      and breathing.



      I realize that most people can't live without a cell phone these

      days, but you can awlays cut back on the cell phone- less minutes

      per month, less usage per month (make the most out of free minutes,

      and avoid using it at all during regular minutes!), getting on a

      plan that allows free mobile to mobile, or a calling circle of free

      phone numbers, etc.



      If you do live with a cell attached to your hand, then kill the

      landline. It's an expense you don't need if you've both got a cell

      phone. If you do need it, call and ask for a bare bones package- a

      pack where they only provide basic phone service- no long distance,

      no 3 way calling, no caller id, no seperate number, etc.



      For cable tv, cut back to the very bare minimum. No DVR, no

      Satellite, no digitial, no HD channels, no ordering pay per view or

      on demand, etc. If you can, get rid of it all together. Call and

      tell them you plan to swap to sattelite, and chances are, they'll

      offer you a deal for a few months to entice you to stay, getting

      your package at lower rates for a bit.



      Internet, if you use cable internet, switch back to dial up for a

      while, it'll cut your bill in half, or more! Weigh the cost per

      month of basic dial up and basic landline phone against the cost of

      using just a cell phone, and getting cable internet (you save on not

      having the landline, but the internet is more expensive).



      Cut all extra entertainmnet from your budget- no going to the

      movies, no going out to eat (period!!- pack a lunch for work, and

      eat in at night!), no trips to various places which might cost you

      money to do. Instead, make use of parks for a free outing, and pack

      a picnic lunch, go to the beach, etc.



      Your food budget can be cut down pretty easily in most instances,

      just by watching what you buy. Get essentials first, and get the

      cheapest option available when you buy them- whether that means the

      brand name that is on sale, or the store generic. Once you have the

      essentials, get the non-essentials like snacks, treats, etc.



      Use coupons. I know- most people hate to use them, because they say

      it's not worth saving $.35 on a bag of chips. Well, when used

      correctly, you can get food items for free every week.



      Coupon useage is a bit of a debate. Some people refuse to use them

      to buy things they normally don't buy, whether it's a type of food

      or a brand name. Some people hate the time involved. Personally, I

      love coupons.



      Here's the best way to use them:



      1. don't take the time to clip them if it's something you absolutely

      WILL NOT buy, whether it ends up free or not (food you guys hate,

      products you don't use, or don't need, etc).



      2. Before clipping every Sunday, peruse the weekly sale ad's. You

      want to see what's on sale, because that's a great way to keep your

      budget down, as well as to figure out which coupons you need each

      week.



      3. Match coupons to sale items- sure, $.35 off a bag of chips that

      is normally $2.99 isn't great. But, what if your store doubles?

      Then, it's $.70 off. Even better, what of those chips are half off?

      Now you're getting them for $.80. Check your area, not all stores in

      Michigan double, even within a chain. I'm in the West Lansing area,

      and all but the local Super Walmart doubles. I used to be in Mt

      Pleasant, and all the stores except the Super Walmart doubled.

      Before that, I lived in the Grand Rapids area, where almost no

      stores double coupons. I know that the Saginaw area is great with

      double coupons at some stores, and that places like Kroger over

      there will sometimes double to a $1.00 instead of the typical $.50.



      4. Make your grocery list complex- list the item, list the price

      it's on sale for, and list whether you have a coupon for it, and

      finally, list the end price, and the amount you wish to buy.



      5. Ask friends, co-workers, family, and neighbors for any unwanted

      coupon sheets. Many people throw them out every week. If you have

      doubles, you can really save when you have a good coupon and a good

      sale! One week, I got $45 worth of groceries from Meijer in Mt.

      Pleasant, and walked out the door only paying $.19, and without a

      gift card of any sort, just coupons.





      The list above is generalized, not based on any specifics, because

      you didn't list what your bills are. Loans and credit cards are

      likely factored into your high bills, and most often, those can't be

      avoided. But, you may be able to talk to each of them, and get a

      lower interest rate, or a refinanced mortgage or loan, which equates

      out to a lower monthly payment.



      I wish you luck!!



      Also, here's a group you might be interested in:



      http://groups.yahoo.com/group/michigantightwads





      Heather in MI







      --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, "paradise2lost"

      <sobecksofthenorth@...> wrote:

      >

      > My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most

      recent

      > bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our

      > continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years

      now,

      > have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

      > marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with

      things

      > on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

      > when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always

      > happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt

      up

      > to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been

      the "bill

      > payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me

      > for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills

      > correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the

      > money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is

      if

      > you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

      > the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let

      the

      > other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having

      > utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse

      credit

      > that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over

      doing

      > the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never

      really

      > worked off a budget... I've attempted to several times, but seeing

      > all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

      > paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've

      actually

      > listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband

      off!

      > He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still

      on

      > here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that

      one?!?

      > etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

      > conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

      > husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and

      yell

      > too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for

      > everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous

      stuff

      > for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

      > errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at

      times

      > (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm

      > most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

      > week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The

      > last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch

      from

      > home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or

      twice

      > in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same,

      but

      > he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch

      at

      > the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it

      for

      > him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my

      > own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I

      > right?!

      >

      > The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

      > The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's

      enough

      > that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting

      > about money.

      >

      > I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

      > both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our

      actual

      > take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,

      > onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

      > behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

      > collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually

      down

      > to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25

      miles

      > from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

      > together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son

      is

      > 8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4

      1/2

      > and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

      > clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next

      week.

      > We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

      > primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of

      > living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

      >

      > HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been

      primarily

      > a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I guess the

      latest

      > blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many

      of

      > you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to

      his

      > website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up

      for

      > his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?

      >

      > Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!

      > Wendy in MI

      >










    7. #7
      Herlean
      Guest

      Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

      Wendy,



      I could have written parts of this post myself. Sometimes, making the money

      last the month is a real juggling act! On top of paying off bills, I would love

      to build up our savings account. That would be terrific!



      It is tough to see it all in black & white, but it is important to know what

      you are facing. Sit down and write down every penny that you owe, the interest

      rates, the due dates, if they are late. I would put it on a piece of notebook

      paper in column form. Easy to see.



      Mark on your calendar to mail the payment a few days before hand, so they are

      not at risk of being late (incurring expensive late fees) or take the payment to

      the company owed if close by for the same reason.



      Always, always shop with a grocery list (or a list, period) for whatever you

      are after. Make the list up at home and try not to leave anything off. Then,

      prioritize.



      For instance, I check the pantry, then plan our meals around that. I clip

      coupons for things that are already on the list, then I head to the grocery

      store. It helps me not get things impulsively or try planning a meal "on the

      spot", which leads to forgotten items, impulse (extra $$$$$$ spent) buys. Take

      the time to think through - this week, we will be eating at home XXX nights,

      taking lunch to work XXXX days, then XXXX days of after school activities (make

      extra food for thermos or cooler). I have come to really like the slow cooker

      and the pressure cooker. They help me prepare meals while I am at work or

      shortly after I get home. It eliminates that "call the pizza delivery"

      (expensive) at the last minute.



      I am fortunate that my husband does not mind taking leftovers for lunch. We

      don't toss much food around here. Careful planning, I know how much bread to

      buy to make sandwiches, incl. extras for his one night out each week. You can

      make a whole chicken and veggies in the pressure cooker in less than 1/2 an hour

      after work.



      As for the bills, we have been keeping up with them, plus paying extra on one

      each month and getting it paid off sooner. It is not an overnight fix, but it

      has been helping.



      Herlean



      paradise2lost <sobecksofthenorth@yahoo.com> wrote:

      My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent

      bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our

      continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years now,

      have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

      marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things

      on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

      when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always

      happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt up

      to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the "bill

      payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me

      for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills

      correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the

      money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is if

      you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

      the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the

      other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having

      utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit

      that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over doing

      the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never really

      worked off a budget... I've attempted to several times, but seeing

      all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

      paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've actually

      listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!

      He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still on

      here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?

      etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

      conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

      husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell

      too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for

      everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous stuff

      for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

      errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times

      (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm

      most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

      week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The

      last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch from

      home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice

      in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same, but

      he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at

      the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it for

      him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my

      own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I

      right?!



      The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

      The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's enough

      that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting

      about money.



      I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

      both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our actual

      take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,

      onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

      behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

      collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually down

      to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles

      from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

      together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is

      8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2

      and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

      clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.

      We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

      primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of

      living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.



      HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been primarily

      a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I guess the latest

      blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of

      you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his

      website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up for

      his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?



      Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!

      Wendy in MI










    8. #8
      Susan Schmieg
      Guest

      Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!


      This sounds way to familiar.

      Sue


      [quote]
      ----- Original Message -----
      From: paradise2lost
      To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Tuesday, August 28, 2007 7:44 PM
      Subject: Budget101.com : So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!





      My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent
      bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our
      continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years now,
      have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first
      marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things
      on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just
      when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always
      happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt up
      to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the "bill
      payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me
      for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills
      correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the
      money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is if
      you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make
      the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the
      other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having
      utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit
      that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over doing
      the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never really
      worked off a budget... I've attempted to several times, but seeing
      all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of
      paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've actually
      listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!
      He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still on
      here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?
      etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful
      conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my
      husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell
      too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for
      everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous stuff
      for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few
      errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times
      (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm
      most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work
      week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The
      last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch from
      home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice
      in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same, but
      he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at
      the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it for
      him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my
      own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I
      right?!

      The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.
      The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's enough
      that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting
      about money.

      I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We
      both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our actual
      take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,
      onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are
      behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to
      collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually down
      to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles
      from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride
      together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is
      8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2
      and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and
      clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.
      We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our
      primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of
      living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

      HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been primarily
      a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I guess the latest
      blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of
      you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his
      website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up for
      his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?

      Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!
      Wendy in MI








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