Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 8 of 27
  1. #1
    paradise2lost
    Guest

    Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

    My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent

    bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our

    continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years now,

    have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

    marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things

    on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

    when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always

    happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt up

    to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the "bill

    payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me

    for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills

    correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the

    money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is if

    you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

    the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the

    other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having

    utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit

    that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over doing

    the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never really

    worked off a budget... I've attempted to several times, but seeing

    all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

    paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've actually

    listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!

    He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still on

    here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?

    etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

    conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

    husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell

    too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for

    everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous stuff

    for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

    errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times

    (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm

    most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

    week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The

    last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch from

    home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice

    in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same, but

    he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at

    the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it for

    him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my

    own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I

    right?!



    The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

    The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's enough

    that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting

    about money.



    I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

    both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our actual

    take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,

    onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

    behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

    collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually down

    to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles

    from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

    together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is

    8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2

    and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

    clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.

    We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

    primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of

    living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.



    HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been primarily

    a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I guess the latest

    blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of

    you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his

    website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up for

    his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?



    Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!

    Wendy in MI








  2. #2
    Idodc@aol.com
    Guest

    Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!




    In a message dated 8/29/2007 8:52:43 AM Eastern Daylight Time, sobecksofthenorth@yahoo.com writes:
    <BLOCKQUOTE style="BORDER-LEFT: blue 2px solid;"><FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent;" face="Georgia" color="#000000" size="2">Throughout our life together I have been the "bill
    payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me
    for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills
    correctly. That </BLOCKQUOTE>

    Hand him the bills and tell him if he thinks he can do a better job go right ahead... I did that with my husband, he started to respect how much it takes to run the house and he did a decent job of paying the bills and I was thrilled not to have to do it any more..

    alana


    <FONT style="color: black;font: normal 10pt ARIAL, SAN-SERIF;"><HR>Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.



  3. #3
    Thomas & Tracy Harris
    Guest

    Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

    Wendy,



    go to your local library and get Total Money Makeover, and/or Financial Peace

    both by Dave Ramsey.



    You and YOUR HUSBAND have to read the books. And get on the plan TOGETHER or it

    will never work.



    Thomas & Tracy Harris

    TNT Quarter Horses home of:

    TNTS Jack Be Blue - 2004 AQHA Buckskin Stallion

    TNTS Medicine Man - 2005 AQHA Perlino Stallion



    ----- Original Message -----

    From: paradise2lost

    To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com

    Sent: Tuesday, August 28, 2007 8:44 PM

    Subject: Budget101.com : So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!





    My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent

    bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our

    continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years now,

    have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

    marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things

    on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

    when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always

    happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt up

    to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the "bill

    payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me

    for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills

    correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the

    money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is if

    you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

    the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the

    other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having

    utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit

    that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over doing

    the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never really

    worked off a budget... I've attempted to several times, but seeing

    all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

    paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've actually

    listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!

    He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still on

    here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?

    etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

    conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

    husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell

    too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for

    everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous stuff

    for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

    errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times

    (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm

    most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

    week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The

    last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch from

    home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice

    in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same, but

    he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at

    the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it for

    him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my

    own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I

    right?!



    The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

    The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's enough

    that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting

    about money.



    I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

    both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our actual

    take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,

    onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

    behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

    collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually down

    to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles

    from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

    together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is

    8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2

    and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

    clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.

    We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

    primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of

    living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.



    HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been primarily

    a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I guess the latest

    blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of

    you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his

    website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up for

    his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?



    Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!

    Wendy in MI








  4. #4
    Ria
    Guest

    Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

    I would highly recommend you reading the book Total

    Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. I haven't committed to

    his plan yet, but I've lurked on the message board for

    quite some time and have learned a lot.



    His plan concentrates on going through certain baby

    steps in order....and creating a zero based budget and

    using the envelope system. All good stuff.



    Borrow the book from the library if you can, or maybe

    you can find a good deal at half.com.



    I can see how frustrated you are with the situation,

    especially when you have a spouse that isn't on the

    same page. You have to get serious with the finances

    in order to change things.



    Good luck!



    Hugs,

    Ria

    --- paradise2lost <sobecksofthenorth@yahoo.com> wrote:



    > My husband got home from work today and a glance at

    > the most recent

    > bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet

    > another round of our

    > continuing battle over bills! We've been married

    > over 10 years now,

    > have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from

    > his first

    > marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her

    > out with things

    > on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over

    > our heads. Just

    > when we feel like we're getting on top of things,

    > something always

    > happens to throw a wrench into our finances and

    > we're back in debt up

    > to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I

    > have been the "bill

    > payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My

    > husband blames me

    > for our financial situation... he says I am not

    > paying the bills

    > correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not

    > spreading the

    > money around a little here a little there..." My

    > point to him is if

    > you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only

    > enough to make

    > the minimum payments on each, or pay off one

    > completely and let the

    > other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd

    > end up having

    > utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no

    > groceries, or worse credit

    > that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually

    > take over doing

    > the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it!

    > We've never really

    > worked off a budget... I've attempted to several

    > times, but seeing

    > all the debt written out on paper just seems to make

    > the task of

    > paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus,

    > when I've actually

    > listed everything in black and white, it just sets

    > my husband off!

    > He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is

    > that bill still on

    > here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we

    > behind on that one?!?

    > etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a

    > meaningful

    > conversation about getting our finances straightened

    > out, but my

    > husband just starts yelling at me and then I get

    > defensive and yell

    > too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of

    > being blamed for

    > everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes

    > or frivolous stuff

    > for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I

    > have made a few

    > errors in our check book that have screwed up our

    > finances at times

    > (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial

    > "sin" I'm

    > most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often

    > during the work

    > week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the

    > only one. The

    > last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort

    > to take lunch from

    > home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate

    > out once or twice

    > in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should

    > do the same, but

    > he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast

    > and/or lunch at

    > the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch

    > if I made it for

    > him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If

    > I can make my

    > own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for

    > himself. Am I

    > right?!

    >

    > The thing is... in almost every other way, our

    > marriage is great.

    > The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money.

    > But it's enough

    > that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and

    > tired of fighting

    > about money.

    >

    > I know we should be doing a lot better than we are

    > right now. We

    > both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a

    > year... but our actual

    > take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k,

    > husband's union dues,

    > onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per

    > month. We are

    > behind on a few things and have some old debt that

    > has gone to

    > collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but

    > we're usually down

    > to the wire to get it in on time each month. We

    > live about 25 miles

    > from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot

    > really ride

    > together as our work hours are very different most

    > days. Our son is

    > 8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our

    > daughter is 4 1/2

    > and starting PreSchool this year. They both need

    > new shoes and

    > clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school

    > starts next week.

    > We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra

    > money. Our

    > primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals.

    > I'm tired of

    > living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

    >

    > HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've

    > been primarily

    > a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I

    > guess the latest

    > blow up with my husband today prompted me to write.

    > I know many of

    > you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have

    > actually been to his

    > website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking

    > of signing up for

    > his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you

    > done it?

    >

    > Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks

    > for listening!

    > Wendy in MI

    >

    >









    __________________________________________________ ______________________________\

    ____

    Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search

    that gives answers, not web links.

    http://mobile.yahoo.com/mobileweb/on...h?refer=1ONXIC






  5. #5
    Lisa Davis
    Guest

    Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

    I don't really have much advice to give you, except if he's going to complain and tell you how to do it, then tell him to do it himself and see how good he is at it.My husband and I are in the same position, we've been married for 17 years and and have two teenagersI have always done the finances though I'm not the best at budgeting money. A few years back we started getting further and further behind and he started blaming me for the mess. I took all the bills one night and dumped them on his lap as he sat and watched tv. I told him if he didn't like the way it was done, then he could either do it himself, help me do it or shut up. He didn't take over the bills, but the complaints did slow down a bitand now everytime he starts to complain about how I'm doing it, I tell him I'm more than happy to let him take over, since I have been the one doing it all these years and it washis turn.He usually stays quiet for a few weeks after that.
    I know it's probably not the best advice, but it worked for me. (so far).

    paradise2lost <sobecksofthenorth@yahoo.com> wrote: <BLOCKQUOTE class="replbq" style="BORDER-LEFT: #1010ff 2px solid;"> My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent
    bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our
    continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years now,
    have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first
    marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things
    on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads.
    Just
    when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always
    happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt up
    to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the "bill
    payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me
    for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills
    correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the
    money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is if
    you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make
    the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the
    other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having
    utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit
    that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over doing
    the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never really
    worked off a budget... I've attempted to several
    times, but seeing
    all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of
    paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've actually
    listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!
    He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still on
    here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?
    etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful
    conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my
    husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell
    too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for
    everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous stuff
    for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few
    errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times
    (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm
    most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the
    work
    week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The
    last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch from
    home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice
    in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same, but
    he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at
    the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it for
    him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my
    own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I
    right?!

    The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.
    The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's enough
    that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting
    about money.

    I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We
    both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our actual
    take home pay
    (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,
    onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are
    behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to
    collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually down
    to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles
    from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride
    together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is
    8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2
    and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and
    clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.
    We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our
    primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of
    living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

    HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been primarily
    a "lurker" on this group for several
    months now. I guess the latest
    blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of
    you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his
    website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up for
    his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?

    Any advice will be greatly appreciated!<WBR>!! Thanks for listening!
    Wendy in MI

    </BLOCKQUOTE>




    &#32;
    Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels with Yahoo! FareChase.


  6. #6
    herberkids3
    Guest

    Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

    It can be hard to pare down to just the absolute neccesities, but

    you are making enough to make it work (I, too, live in Michigan, we

    have 3 kids at home, and a bring home pay of just barely over $2000

    a month, and very little debt).



    For starters, you need to evaluate what bills you have that are not

    neccessary, and can be cut back, or turned off all together for a

    short time:



    Cell Phones

    Landline Phone (If you use cell's primarily)

    Cable TV

    Internet

    Credit Card Usage





    Some bills that can almost -always- be trimmed are:



    Food Budget

    Entertainment Budget





    You need to clear your life of things you can't afford. If your

    bills are only getting a minimal amount each month, then they are

    building up too fast, and there are things in your life you can't

    afford. Get rid of those extras. They are not essential to living

    and breathing.



    I realize that most people can't live without a cell phone these

    days, but you can awlays cut back on the cell phone- less minutes

    per month, less usage per month (make the most out of free minutes,

    and avoid using it at all during regular minutes!), getting on a

    plan that allows free mobile to mobile, or a calling circle of free

    phone numbers, etc.



    If you do live with a cell attached to your hand, then kill the

    landline. It's an expense you don't need if you've both got a cell

    phone. If you do need it, call and ask for a bare bones package- a

    pack where they only provide basic phone service- no long distance,

    no 3 way calling, no caller id, no seperate number, etc.



    For cable tv, cut back to the very bare minimum. No DVR, no

    Satellite, no digitial, no HD channels, no ordering pay per view or

    on demand, etc. If you can, get rid of it all together. Call and

    tell them you plan to swap to sattelite, and chances are, they'll

    offer you a deal for a few months to entice you to stay, getting

    your package at lower rates for a bit.



    Internet, if you use cable internet, switch back to dial up for a

    while, it'll cut your bill in half, or more! Weigh the cost per

    month of basic dial up and basic landline phone against the cost of

    using just a cell phone, and getting cable internet (you save on not

    having the landline, but the internet is more expensive).



    Cut all extra entertainmnet from your budget- no going to the

    movies, no going out to eat (period!!- pack a lunch for work, and

    eat in at night!), no trips to various places which might cost you

    money to do. Instead, make use of parks for a free outing, and pack

    a picnic lunch, go to the beach, etc.



    Your food budget can be cut down pretty easily in most instances,

    just by watching what you buy. Get essentials first, and get the

    cheapest option available when you buy them- whether that means the

    brand name that is on sale, or the store generic. Once you have the

    essentials, get the non-essentials like snacks, treats, etc.



    Use coupons. I know- most people hate to use them, because they say

    it's not worth saving $.35 on a bag of chips. Well, when used

    correctly, you can get food items for free every week.



    Coupon useage is a bit of a debate. Some people refuse to use them

    to buy things they normally don't buy, whether it's a type of food

    or a brand name. Some people hate the time involved. Personally, I

    love coupons.



    Here's the best way to use them:



    1. don't take the time to clip them if it's something you absolutely

    WILL NOT buy, whether it ends up free or not (food you guys hate,

    products you don't use, or don't need, etc).



    2. Before clipping every Sunday, peruse the weekly sale ad's. You

    want to see what's on sale, because that's a great way to keep your

    budget down, as well as to figure out which coupons you need each

    week.



    3. Match coupons to sale items- sure, $.35 off a bag of chips that

    is normally $2.99 isn't great. But, what if your store doubles?

    Then, it's $.70 off. Even better, what of those chips are half off?

    Now you're getting them for $.80. Check your area, not all stores in

    Michigan double, even within a chain. I'm in the West Lansing area,

    and all but the local Super Walmart doubles. I used to be in Mt

    Pleasant, and all the stores except the Super Walmart doubled.

    Before that, I lived in the Grand Rapids area, where almost no

    stores double coupons. I know that the Saginaw area is great with

    double coupons at some stores, and that places like Kroger over

    there will sometimes double to a $1.00 instead of the typical $.50.



    4. Make your grocery list complex- list the item, list the price

    it's on sale for, and list whether you have a coupon for it, and

    finally, list the end price, and the amount you wish to buy.



    5. Ask friends, co-workers, family, and neighbors for any unwanted

    coupon sheets. Many people throw them out every week. If you have

    doubles, you can really save when you have a good coupon and a good

    sale! One week, I got $45 worth of groceries from Meijer in Mt.

    Pleasant, and walked out the door only paying $.19, and without a

    gift card of any sort, just coupons.





    The list above is generalized, not based on any specifics, because

    you didn't list what your bills are. Loans and credit cards are

    likely factored into your high bills, and most often, those can't be

    avoided. But, you may be able to talk to each of them, and get a

    lower interest rate, or a refinanced mortgage or loan, which equates

    out to a lower monthly payment.



    I wish you luck!!



    Also, here's a group you might be interested in:



    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/michigantightwads





    Heather in MI







    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, "paradise2lost"

    <sobecksofthenorth@...> wrote:

    >

    > My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most

    recent

    > bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our

    > continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years

    now,

    > have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

    > marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with

    things

    > on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

    > when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always

    > happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt

    up

    > to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been

    the "bill

    > payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me

    > for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills

    > correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the

    > money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is

    if

    > you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

    > the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let

    the

    > other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having

    > utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse

    credit

    > that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over

    doing

    > the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never

    really

    > worked off a budget... I've attempted to several times, but seeing

    > all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

    > paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've

    actually

    > listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband

    off!

    > He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still

    on

    > here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that

    one?!?

    > etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

    > conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

    > husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and

    yell

    > too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for

    > everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous

    stuff

    > for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

    > errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at

    times

    > (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm

    > most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

    > week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The

    > last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch

    from

    > home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or

    twice

    > in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same,

    but

    > he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch

    at

    > the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it

    for

    > him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my

    > own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I

    > right?!

    >

    > The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

    > The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's

    enough

    > that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting

    > about money.

    >

    > I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

    > both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our

    actual

    > take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,

    > onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

    > behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

    > collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually

    down

    > to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25

    miles

    > from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

    > together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son

    is

    > 8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4

    1/2

    > and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

    > clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next

    week.

    > We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

    > primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of

    > living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

    >

    > HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been

    primarily

    > a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I guess the

    latest

    > blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many

    of

    > you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to

    his

    > website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up

    for

    > his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?

    >

    > Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!

    > Wendy in MI

    >










  7. #7
    Herlean
    Guest

    Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

    Wendy,



    I could have written parts of this post myself. Sometimes, making the money

    last the month is a real juggling act! On top of paying off bills, I would love

    to build up our savings account. That would be terrific!



    It is tough to see it all in black & white, but it is important to know what

    you are facing. Sit down and write down every penny that you owe, the interest

    rates, the due dates, if they are late. I would put it on a piece of notebook

    paper in column form. Easy to see.



    Mark on your calendar to mail the payment a few days before hand, so they are

    not at risk of being late (incurring expensive late fees) or take the payment to

    the company owed if close by for the same reason.



    Always, always shop with a grocery list (or a list, period) for whatever you

    are after. Make the list up at home and try not to leave anything off. Then,

    prioritize.



    For instance, I check the pantry, then plan our meals around that. I clip

    coupons for things that are already on the list, then I head to the grocery

    store. It helps me not get things impulsively or try planning a meal "on the

    spot", which leads to forgotten items, impulse (extra $$$$$$ spent) buys. Take

    the time to think through - this week, we will be eating at home XXX nights,

    taking lunch to work XXXX days, then XXXX days of after school activities (make

    extra food for thermos or cooler). I have come to really like the slow cooker

    and the pressure cooker. They help me prepare meals while I am at work or

    shortly after I get home. It eliminates that "call the pizza delivery"

    (expensive) at the last minute.



    I am fortunate that my husband does not mind taking leftovers for lunch. We

    don't toss much food around here. Careful planning, I know how much bread to

    buy to make sandwiches, incl. extras for his one night out each week. You can

    make a whole chicken and veggies in the pressure cooker in less than 1/2 an hour

    after work.



    As for the bills, we have been keeping up with them, plus paying extra on one

    each month and getting it paid off sooner. It is not an overnight fix, but it

    has been helping.



    Herlean



    paradise2lost <sobecksofthenorth@yahoo.com> wrote:

    My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent

    bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our

    continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years now,

    have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first

    marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things

    on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just

    when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always

    happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt up

    to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the "bill

    payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me

    for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills

    correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the

    money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is if

    you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make

    the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the

    other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having

    utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit

    that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over doing

    the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never really

    worked off a budget... I've attempted to several times, but seeing

    all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of

    paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've actually

    listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!

    He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still on

    here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?

    etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful

    conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my

    husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell

    too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for

    everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous stuff

    for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few

    errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times

    (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm

    most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work

    week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The

    last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch from

    home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice

    in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same, but

    he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at

    the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it for

    him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my

    own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I

    right?!



    The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.

    The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's enough

    that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting

    about money.



    I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We

    both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our actual

    take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,

    onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are

    behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to

    collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually down

    to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles

    from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride

    together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is

    8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2

    and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and

    clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.

    We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our

    primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of

    living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.



    HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been primarily

    a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I guess the latest

    blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of

    you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his

    website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up for

    his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?



    Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks for listening!

    Wendy in MI










  8. #8
    Susan Schmieg
    Guest

    Default So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!

    <!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3c.org/TR/1999/REC-html401-19991224/loose.dtd">
    This sounds way to familiar.

    Sue


    [quote]
    <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial;">----- Original Message -----
    <DIV style="BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4;FONT: 10pt arial;">From: paradise2lost
    <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial;">To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
    <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial;">Sent: Tuesday, August 28, 2007 7:44 PM
    <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial;">Subject: Budget101.com : So tired of fighting with my husband over money!!!





    My husband got home from work today and a glance at the most recent
    bills that arrived in today's mail, began yet another round of our
    continuing battle over bills! We've been married over 10 years now,
    have 2 kids of our own plus his 19 yo daughter from his first
    marriage (she lives with her mother, but we help her out with things
    on occasion.) We seem to continually get in over our heads. Just
    when we feel like we're getting on top of things, something always
    happens to throw a wrench into our finances and we're back in debt up
    to our eyeballs. Throughout our life together I have been the "bill
    payer"... a job I'm resenting more and more. My husband blames me
    for our financial situation... he says I am not paying the bills
    correctly. That I "should be paying things off, not spreading the
    money around a little here a little there..." My point to him is if
    you have 5 or 6 bills due at the same time and only enough to make
    the minimum payments on each, or pay off one completely and let the
    other 4 or 5 slide... how can you do that!?!? We'd end up having
    utilities shut off, no gas in the cars, no groceries, or worse credit
    that we already have!!! He doesn't want to actually take over doing
    the bills, he just wants to tell me how to do it! We've never really
    worked off a budget... I've attempted to several times, but seeing
    all the debt written out on paper just seems to make the task of
    paying it all off that much more daunting. Plus, when I've actually
    listed everything in black and white, it just sets my husband off!
    He'll read through it and start yelling, "Why is that bill still on
    here!? I thought that was paid?!? Why are we behind on that one?!?
    etc... It's so FRUSTRATING! I want to have a meaningful
    conversation about getting our finances straightened out, but my
    husband just starts yelling at me and then I get defensive and yell
    too, and nothing gets accomplished. I'm tired of being blamed for
    everything also. It's not like I'm buying clothes or frivolous stuff
    for myself. I'm not wasting our money. I admit I have made a few
    errors in our check book that have screwed up our finances at times
    (i.e. overdraft fees etc.) The only other financial "sin" I'm
    most guilty of is eating out for lunch too often during the work
    week... But, he does too, so it's not like I'm the only one. The
    last few weeks I've really made a conscious effort to take lunch from
    home (leftovers, a sandwich, etc) and have only ate out once or twice
    in the last 3 weeks. I've told my husband he should do the same, but
    he continues to spend $20 to $30 a week on breakfast and/or lunch at
    the cafeteria at his work. He said he'd take lunch if I made it for
    him every day. Fat chance! I'm not his mother! If I can make my
    own lunch then he's capapble of doing the same for himself. Am I
    right?!

    The thing is... in almost every other way, our marriage is great.
    The ONLY thing we ever really argue about is money. But it's enough
    that it's straining our marriage. I'm sick and tired of fighting
    about money.

    I know we should be doing a lot better than we are right now. We
    both work full time, and gross about $60,000 a year... but our actual
    take home pay (after taxes, insurance, 401k, husband's union dues,
    onsite childcare for daughter) is about $3800 per month. We are
    behind on a few things and have some old debt that has gone to
    collection. Our mortgage payment is current, but we're usually down
    to the wire to get it in on time each month. We live about 25 miles
    from our jobs so gas is a big expense. We cannot really ride
    together as our work hours are very different most days. Our son is
    8 years old and entering 3rd grade this fall, our daughter is 4 1/2
    and starting PreSchool this year. They both need new shoes and
    clothes and I have yet to buy anything and school starts next week.
    We rarely go out as we never seem to have the extra money. Our
    primary entertainment is our Netflix movie rentals. I'm tired of
    living paycheck to paycheck and never getting ahead.

    HELP!!!! I need any and all advice I can get. I've been primarily
    a "lurker" on this group for several months now. I guess the latest
    blow up with my husband today prompted me to write. I know many of
    you have mentioned Dave Ramsey on here and have actually been to his
    website today to see what he's about. I'm thinking of signing up for
    his Total Money Makeover plan... have any of you done it?

    Any advice will be greatly appreciated!<WBR>!! Thanks for listening!
    Wendy in MI

    </P>



    <HR>


    </P>No virus found in this incoming message.
    Checked by AVG Free Edition.
    Version: 7.5.484 / Virus Database: 269.12.10/977 - Release Date: 8/28/2007 4:29 PM
    </BLOCKQUOTE>



 

 
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •