Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    jpilkerton2001
    Guest

    Default Need help in resolving a problem --Long

    Hey Everyone,



    I have a question a friend came to me with a huge problem. Here it

    goes. She and her fiance' have been together for over 10 years and

    they have a daughter together. They are getting married this

    September. Earlier this year her fiance's father killed himself.

    They wanted to cancel everything because of what happend, but they

    decided to go and have a ceremony and a smaller reception. Well here

    is the problem the bride is NOT close to her mother at all and now

    her so called mother (long story) is demanding that it would be in

    everyone's best interest to pick a reception site NOW. She is not

    contributing to the wedding at all, but yet she is paying for her

    youngest daughter's wedding and she wants to invite people who my

    friend does not know to the wedding.



    Sunday was my friends daughters birthday and no one from her family

    showed up. After they said they would. no phone call. no email. She

    got a phone call from her mother yesterday, demanding to know where

    the reception is and wanting to know why she wasn't invited to the

    party. She told her that she sent an email out and tried to call, but

    that b/c she was always invited to the parties. Next my friend got

    an email from her Matron of Honor, her aunt and mother sister

    demanding to know why she did not invite her mother or sister to the

    party and telling my friend that she needs to rethink what family

    means to her and that they all need to get together to discuss what

    family means.



    Well after all of what has happend to my friend she lost it and sent

    a nasty email to her aunt, telling her that she is fed up with the

    family and that she wants to cut all ties with the family and that

    she is choosing another matron of honor. She sent it out of anger

    and called her aunt up to apologize and no one picked up. She has

    told me everything that her family did to her and fiance and

    daughter. Her mother basically to her not to get her cheap stuff for

    x-mas to b-days to the family and to her that she needs to put her

    daughter in childcare and have her fiance get a job during the day

    that pays more so they can get a house.



    My friend and fiance and daughter are good people. They live my

    apartment complex and she works with me. They pay 1700 a month in

    rent so her child will go to a top notch school in the community.

    She makes about 40k and he works in the fitness field parttime in the

    evenings making about 20k. They want either one of them to be there


    for their child. They all also paying for the wedding and trying to

    make it has inexpensive as possible.



    Personally I have told her to just have the ceremony and a little

    dinner afterwards. She and her fiance' have been together so long

    that I just want them to get married. As does his family. They have

    not brought up anything, but they way her mother and family are

    treating them is wrong.



    Not sure what to tell her? Can anyone please give me some advise.



    Thank, Jessica










  2. #2
    Lois
    Guest

    Default Need help in resolving a problem --Long

    Talk about a toxic and controlling family.
    Tellthem to just go elope - taketheir daughter with - go somewhere fun - then have a little dinner party for their close friends and family (the non-toxic ones) afterwards.
    This kind of drama is not fair to her or anyone else in her immediate family. Lois

    jpilkerton2001 <jpilkerton2001@yahoo.com> wrote: Hey Everyone,

    I have a question a friend came to me with a huge problem. Here it
    goes.
    She and her fiance' have been together for over 10 years and
    they have a daughter together. They are getting married this
    September. Earlier this year her fiance's father killed himself.
    They wanted to cancel everything because of what happend, but they
    decided to go and have a ceremony and a smaller reception. Well here
    is the problem the bride is NOT close to her mother at all and now
    her so called mother (long story) is demanding that it would be in
    everyone's best interest to pick a reception site NOW. She is not
    contributing to the wedding at all, but yet she is paying for her
    youngest daughter's wedding and she wants to invite people who my
    friend does not know to the wedding.

    Sunday was my friends daughters birthday and no one from her family
    showed up. After they said they would. no phone call. no email. She
    got a phone call from her mother yesterday, demanding to know where
    the reception is and wanting to
    know why she wasn't invited to the
    party. She told her that she sent an email out and tried to call, but
    that b/c she was always invited to the parties. Next my friend got
    an email from her Matron of Honor, her aunt and mother sister
    demanding to know why she did not invite her mother or sister to the
    party and telling my friend that she needs to rethink what family
    means to her and that they all need to get together to discuss what
    family means.

    Well after all of what has happend to my friend she lost it and sent
    a nasty email to her aunt, telling her that she is fed up with the
    family and that she wants to cut all ties with the family and that
    she is choosing another matron of honor. She sent it out of anger
    and called her aunt up to apologize and no one picked up. She has
    told me everything that her family did to her and fiance and
    daughter. Her mother basically to her not to get her cheap stuff for
    x-mas
    to b-days to the family and to her that she needs to put her
    daughter in childcare and have her fiance get a job during the day
    that pays more so they can get a house.

    My friend and fiance and daughter are good people. They live my
    apartment complex and she works with me. They pay 1700 a month in
    rent so her child will go to a top notch school in the community.
    She makes about 40k and he works in the fitness field parttime in the
    evenings making about 20k. They want either one of them to be there
    for their child. They all also paying for the wedding and trying to
    make it has inexpensive as possible.

    Personally I have told her to just have the ceremony and a little
    dinner afterwards. She and her fiance' have been together so long
    that I just want them to get married. As does his family. They have
    not brought up anything, but they way her mother and family are
    treating them is wrong.

    Not sure what to tell
    her? Can anyone please give me some advise.

    Thank, Jessica






    &#32;

    Get your own web address.
    Have a HUGE year through <a href="
    http://us.rd.yahoo.com/evt=49678/*http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/domains/?p=BESTDEAL">Yahoo! Small Business.</a>


  3. #3
    Herlean
    Guest

    Default Need help in resolving a problem --Long

    She should have the wedding & reception she wants. With or without her mother's participation.

    Herlean

    jpilkerton2001 <jpilkerton2001@yahoo.com> wrote: Hey Everyone,

    I have a question a friend came to me with a huge problem. Here it
    goes. She and her fiance' have been together for over 10 years and
    they have a daughter together. They are getting married this
    September. Earlier this year her fiance's father killed himself.
    They wanted to cancel everything because of what happend, but they
    decided to go and have a ceremony and a smaller reception. Well here
    is the problem the bride is NOT close to her mother at all and now
    her so called mother (long story) is demanding that it would be in
    everyone's best interest to pick a reception site NOW. She is not
    contributing
    to the wedding at all, but yet she is paying for her
    youngest daughter's wedding and she wants to invite people who my
    friend does not know to the wedding.

    Sunday was my friends daughters birthday and no one from her family
    showed up. After they said they would. no phone call. no email. She
    got a phone call from her mother yesterday, demanding to know where
    the reception is and wanting to know why she wasn't invited to the
    party. She told her that she sent an email out and tried to call, but
    that b/c she was always invited to the parties. Next my friend got
    an email from her Matron of Honor, her aunt and mother sister
    demanding to know why she did not invite her mother or sister to the
    party and telling my friend that she needs to rethink what family
    means to her and that they all need to get together to discuss what
    family means.

    Well after all of what has happend to my friend she lost it and sent
    a
    nasty email to her aunt, telling her that she is fed up with the
    family and that she wants to cut all ties with the family and that
    she is choosing another matron of honor. She sent it out of anger
    and called her aunt up to apologize and no one picked up. She has
    told me everything that her family did to her and fiance and
    daughter. Her mother basically to her not to get her cheap stuff for
    x-mas to b-days to the family and to her that she needs to put her
    daughter in childcare and have her fiance get a job during the day
    that pays more so they can get a house.

    My friend and fiance and daughter are good people. They live my
    apartment complex and she works with me. They pay 1700 a month in
    rent so her child will go to a top notch school in the community.
    She makes about 40k and he works in the fitness field parttime in the
    evenings making about 20k. They want either one of them to be there
    for their child. They
    all also paying for the wedding and trying to
    make it has inexpensive as possible.

    Personally I have told her to just have the ceremony and a little
    dinner afterwards. She and her fiance' have been together so long
    that I just want them to get married. As does his family. They have
    not brought up anything, but they way her mother and family are
    treating them is wrong.

    Not sure what to tell her? Can anyone please give me some advise.

    Thank, Jessica




    \|||/
    (o o)
    ----ooO-(_)-Ooo--------

    Helpt Us Win WF Partner Contest: Click Here: http://launch.womensforum.com/WF/web...x.aspx?id=1626

    To View the List Archives Please Visit http://www.budget101.com/forumdispla...iscussion-List

    Yahoo! Groups Links

    <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Budget101_/

    <*> Your email settings:
    Individual Email | Traditional

    <*>
    To change settings online go to:
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Budget101_/join
    (Yahoo! ID required)

    <*> To change settings via email:
    mailto:Budget101_-digest@yahoogroups.com
    mailto:Budget101_-fullfeatured@yahoogroups.com

    <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
    Budget101_-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

    <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
    http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/

    [/quote]


    &#32;
    Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels with Yahoo! FareChase.


  4. #4
    summer19442001
    Guest

    Default Need help in resolving a problem --Long

    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, "jpilkerton2001"

    <jpilkerton2001@...> wrote:

    >

    > Hey Everyone,

    >

    > I have a question a friend came to me with a huge problem. Here it

    > goes. She and her fiance' have been together for over 10 years and

    > they have a daughter together. They are getting married this

    > September. Earlier this year her fiance's father killed himself.

    > They wanted to cancel everything because of what happend, but they

    > decided to go and have a ceremony and a smaller reception. Well

    here

    > is the problem the bride is NOT close to her mother at all and now

    > her so called mother (long story) is demanding that it would be in

    > everyone's best interest to pick a reception site NOW. She is not

    > contributing to the wedding at all, but yet she is paying for her

    > youngest daughter's wedding and she wants to invite people who my

    > friend does not know to the wedding.

    >

    > Sunday was my friends daughters birthday and no one from her family

    > showed up. After they said they would. no phone call. no email.

    She

    > got a phone call from her mother yesterday, demanding to know where

    > the reception is and wanting to know why she wasn't invited to the

    > party. She told her that she sent an email out and tried to call,

    but

    > that b/c she was always invited to the parties. Next my friend got

    > an email from her Matron of Honor, her aunt and mother sister

    > demanding to know why she did not invite her mother or sister to

    the

    > party and telling my friend that she needs to rethink what family

    > means to her and that they all need to get together to discuss what

    > family means.

    >

    > Well after all of what has happend to my friend she lost it and

    sent

    > a nasty email to her aunt, telling her that she is fed up with the

    > family and that she wants to cut all ties with the family and that

    > she is choosing another matron of honor. She sent it out of anger

    > and called her aunt up to apologize and no one picked up. She has

    > told me everything that her family did to her and fiance and

    > daughter. Her mother basically to her not to get her cheap stuff

    for

    > x-mas to b-days to the family and to her that she needs to put her

    > daughter in childcare and have her fiance get a job during the day

    > that pays more so they can get a house.

    >

    > My friend and fiance and daughter are good people. They live my

    > apartment complex and she works with me. They pay 1700 a month in

    > rent so her child will go to a top notch school in the community.

    > She makes about 40k and he works in the fitness field parttime in

    the

    > evenings making about 20k. They want either one of them to be there

    > for their child. They all also paying for the wedding and trying

    to

    > make it has inexpensive as possible.

    >

    > Personally I have told her to just have the ceremony and a little

    > dinner afterwards. She and her fiance' have been together so long

    > that I just want them to get married. As does his family. They

    have

    > not brought up anything, but they way her mother and family are

    > treating them is wrong.

    >

    > Not sure what to tell her? Can anyone please give me some advise.

    >

    > Thank, Jessica

    >





    they can go to the court house get married and have their friends

    over for lite food after.








  5. #5
    docnsure
    Guest

    Default Need help in resolving a problem --Long

    I am a little confused about what you wrote but I think the jest of it was that

    her family is

    hassling her about her plans for the wedding and reception. I have (& still do

    deal with a

    difficult family -mine is the in-laws though) dealt with something similar.

    First and for most

    keep in mind that you want to CELEBRATE your marriage. To me that means having

    those

    around that want to celebrate with me and have a great time. A girl wanting her

    family is

    natural just lay down the expectations about what you want for that day. Tell

    the family you

    are thrilled with the wedding and you hope that they are also, if they are not

    than please

    don't come. You don't want this ruined for you as a couple or your child who

    get to see mom

    and dad getting married. Maybe mom just wants to feel included and does not. So

    include

    her in on something. Ask her opion (not that you have to do what she suggest,

    after all it is

    your wedding).



    A girl only has one wedding, BUT a mother has only the weddings of her daughter!

    Maybe

    she wants something she did not get at her wedding. Try to let mom be part of

    it, if you try

    and it does not work so be it. Maybe if mom is demanding to know where the

    reception is

    tell her your ideas and then ask if she had any ideas. Maybe mom is worried

    about the

    reception place getting booked up. (Being a wedding photographer they do fill up

    fast and

    you can not wait till the last minute to get a good spot). Good luck and

    remeber it is the day

    for the bride and groom (but others are involved also).








  6. #6
    hweid11
    Guest

    Default Need help in resolving a problem --Long

    I hope this helps, what a messy situation.

    The best answer to the wedding may be to have a tiny wedding at a

    vacation spot. (pick someplace their daughter has always wanted to

    go, no one will spite it so much because it's for the child) That

    way no one is invited. Have locals be witnesses or plan for a

    couple that is good friends to go. That way there is no reception

    at home, no fighting over matron of honor (it made more sense to

    take a couple that's friends along or is was more sensible just to

    go as a family of 3 & have local witnesses.)

    Take a honeymoon later & have a nice vacation with their daughter.

    That way the immediate family can celebrate together and heal from

    the pain that has been so current in ther life. Just tell extended

    family that they're sorry for the way they reacted. Maybe they can

    suggest something like everyone just taking a break and letting

    things cool down so there is no love lost. If all else fails, there

    are tons of places in the midwest that are cheaper to live in and

    have good schools and good values for their daughter. Family

    problems seem to cool off well at a distance. I live 1200 miles

    from my husbands family and 100 miles from mine. Even 100 miles is

    enough to distance from the stress & still be close enough to see

    each other sometimes. I love my in-laws, but I may be less loving

    in my behavior towards them if I had to live in the same town. The

    same is true of my Mom. I hope things get better for your friend.

    Hanna, in Indiana





    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, "jpilkerton2001"

    <jpilkerton2001@...> wrote:

    >

    > Hey Everyone,

    >

    > I have a question a friend came to me with a huge problem. Here

    it

    > goes. She and her fiance' have been together for over 10 years

    and

    > they have a daughter together. They are getting married this

    > September. Earlier this year her fiance's father killed himself.

    > They wanted to cancel everything because of what happend, but they

    > decided to go and have a ceremony and a smaller reception. Well

    here

    > is the problem the bride is NOT close to her mother at all and now

    > her so called mother (long story) is demanding that it would be in

    > everyone's best interest to pick a reception site NOW. She is not

    > contributing to the wedding at all, but yet she is paying for her

    > youngest daughter's wedding and she wants to invite people who my

    > friend does not know to the wedding.

    >

    > Sunday was my friends daughters birthday and no one from her

    family

    > showed up. After they said they would. no phone call. no email.

    She

    > got a phone call from her mother yesterday, demanding to know

    where

    > the reception is and wanting to know why she wasn't invited to the

    > party. She told her that she sent an email out and tried to call,

    but

    > that b/c she was always invited to the parties. Next my friend

    got

    > an email from her Matron of Honor, her aunt and mother sister

    > demanding to know why she did not invite her mother or sister to

    the

    > party and telling my friend that she needs to rethink what family

    > means to her and that they all need to get together to discuss

    what

    > family means.

    >

    > Well after all of what has happend to my friend she lost it and

    sent

    > a nasty email to her aunt, telling her that she is fed up with the

    > family and that she wants to cut all ties with the family and that

    > she is choosing another matron of honor. She sent it out of anger

    > and called her aunt up to apologize and no one picked up. She has

    > told me everything that her family did to her and fiance and

    > daughter. Her mother basically to her not to get her cheap stuff

    for

    > x-mas to b-days to the family and to her that she needs to put her

    > daughter in childcare and have her fiance get a job during the day

    > that pays more so they can get a house.

    >

    > My friend and fiance and daughter are good people. They live my

    > apartment complex and she works with me. They pay 1700 a month in

    > rent so her child will go to a top notch school in the community.

    > She makes about 40k and he works in the fitness field parttime in

    the

    > evenings making about 20k. They want either one of them to be

    there

    > for their child. They all also paying for the wedding and trying

    to

    > make it has inexpensive as possible.

    >

    > Personally I have told her to just have the ceremony and a little

    > dinner afterwards. She and her fiance' have been together so long

    > that I just want them to get married. As does his family. They

    have

    > not brought up anything, but they way her mother and family are

    > treating them is wrong.

    >

    > Not sure what to tell her? Can anyone please give me some advise.

    >

    > Thank, Jessica

    >










  7. #7
    kaynjoy
    Guest

    Default Need help in resolving a problem --Long

    I would tell your friend it is her day and she needs to do what will make her

    happy. Of

    course her daughter's and fiance's happiness is important, too. But it's Her

    Day. My

    husband and I lived together for 6 years before we got married. When we did get

    married

    we did what we wanted, the way we (ok mostly I) wanted and we handled it all

    ourselves.

    We had a lovely wedding and reception (with about 100 guests) for under $5K.

    That's $5K

    for every single thing. We designed the invitations, we cooked/catered all the

    food, we

    decorated the hall, we bought the bridesmaid's outfits (dresses, shoes, jewelry,

    pantyhose). I even wrote our ceremony.



    Was everyone of my friends and family happy with what we did? No, but I found

    ways to

    deal with the criticism. One friend complained that the ceremony was too short

    (only 12

    minutes) and they missed most of it. I just smiled and said it was a shame they

    weren't at

    the church on time. She went on to say that "weddings never start on time" and

    I

    responded with "I've always been punctual." And I had warned everyone that I

    would walk

    down the aisle exactly on time. My mother-in-law didn't like my bridesmaid's

    dresses

    because they weren't ornate enough. I told her they were perfect for the girls

    to wear to

    work (and at a cost of $20 each a bargain). I could go on-and-on-and-on.



    The bottom line. . .I did it my way and it was perfect. We had a short, sweet

    ceremony and

    than danced and had fun for hours and hours. It's been almost 16 years and our

    friends

    and families are still talking about it and how much they enjoyed it. I think

    what made it

    so enjoyable was that we did what we wanted. We didn't give in to any pressure

    so we

    were relaxed and could just celebrate our love together.



    My niece got married last August. She'd lived with her husband for 8 years.

    She just

    called one day and said "I can't come to work today" and they went to the

    courthouse and

    got married. And you know what, she says it was perfect because it was what she

    wanted

    to do. Just goes to show if you do what you want you'll remember it as the

    happiest day.



    Sorry this is such a long response but I hope it helps.

    Kay










  8. #8
    Lori Morgan
    Guest

    Default Need help in resolving a problem --Long

    Tell her to make it her moment, then get married on a cruise ship, in

    Las Vegas, or any other beloved location. I am really close to my

    family and got married alone (well besides DH) in Vegas. Best move I

    ever made. Nobody got to come and nobody squabbled.



    Lori

    Dallas

    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, "jpilkerton2001"

    <jpilkerton2001@...> wrote:

    >

    > Hey Everyone,

    >

    > I have a question a friend came to me with a huge problem. Here it

    > goes. She and her fiance' have been together for over 10 years








 

 

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •