daughters wedding posponed- Budget101 Discussion List

Some of you might remember earlier in the year I wanted to give my daughter a shower and her future mother-in-law had a fit over the date. She also told me that it was tacky for a family member to host the shower. She also talked her daughters out of standing up in her sons wedding. Then the kids

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  1. #1
    M F
    Guest

    Default daughters wedding posponed


    Some of you might remember earlier in the year I wanted to give my daughter a shower and her future mother-in-law had a fit over the date. She also told me that it was tacky for a family member to host the shower. She also talked her daughters out of standing up in her sons wedding. Then the kids moved the wedding date. She did not like March date, it might snow (but all of their families were within 1 1/2 hrs from the wedding place). The kids didn't have enough time to plan the wedding so they changed it to May 29. I thought she would be happy. But the problem was she didn't like my daughter. She is too young (21) she told me, still in collage. Doesn't drink, smoke or has ever done any of it and is an all round a good mature young lady. Her son of 27 is
    still not done with collage and living at home with his parents.

    One of the differences is our religion and his father thought of us as colt. The boy fried (now fiancee) had told my daughter from the beginning that he wouldn't mind changing to her faith, since they didn't practice theirs and we have been practicing it for over 70 years. He volunteered to take bible study with her and get baptized. About a month or so ago he would come over and was distant with us. When we asked him if something was wrong, or if he was upset with us he repeatedly told us that all was OK. Then 2 1/2 weeks before the wedding my daughter tells us that he is not getting baptized and that he has some problems with a profit that we believe in. When I asked her if he has been talking to anyone of a different faith she told me that HIS MOM, and then I didn't hear much of anything else she was telling me. My blood pressure must have gone through the
    roof. I thought this woman has used her last straw to stop this wedding. As with some other religions same goes with ours. The pastor can't marry if there are 2 different faiths. So the wedding was postponed indefinitely. The wedding dress is done, the hall, flowers, cake, invitation responses were all inn etc. But no wedding. My dad flew in from Europe for the wedding. Her best friend had her plain tickets and is here visiting.

    We both have been crying and upset over the whole thing. I feel that if it was Gods will she would have been getting married tomorrow. But I feel her pain and sadness of what should have happened. I feel that he has distend himself a bit from her. Tomorrow he is going to spend 2 days at the cottage that was intended for their honeymoon, and is going alone. Didn't think of inviting her to join him, not that I wanted her to go. I am so sad I just felt I needed
    to ask for help. How do I help her with the pain.

    Melissa





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  2. #2
    raeismad
    Guest

    Default daughters wedding posponed


    May I ask what religions are involved here? Personally I would never

    just change what religion I was in order to marry someone. It seems

    wrong. That being said, I don't think that this guy sounds like a very

    reliable person. The best thing you can do for a broken heart, is to

    remind her that God has a will for everyone, and every problem we have

    to go through brings us closer to Him in the end. It hurts very badly

    now, but imagine how awful it would have been if after they were

    married these conflicts happened and she had to go through a divorce

    or deal with adultery. Just be there for her and try to be as positive

    as possible. Expressing your anger or hurt toward the mother in law or

    son will just send her further into despair.



    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, M F <milicaf35@...> wrote:

    >

    > Some of you might remember earlier in the year I wanted to give my

    daughter a shower and her future mother-in-law had a fit over the

    date. She also told me that it was tacky for a family member to host

    the shower. She also talked her daughters out of standing up in her

    sons wedding. Then the kids moved the wedding date. She did not like

    March date, it might snow (but all of their families were within 1 1/2

    hrs from the wedding place). The kids didn't have enough time to plan

    the wedding so they changed it to May 29. I thought she would be

    happy. But the problem was she didn't like my daughter. She is too

    young (21) she told me, still in collage. Doesn't drink, smoke or has

    ever done any of it and is an all round a good mature young lady. Her

    son of 27 is still not done with collage and living at home with his

    parents.

    >

    > One of the differences is our religion and his father thought of us

    as colt. The boy fried (now fiancee) had told my daughter from the

    beginning that he wouldn't mind changing to her faith, since they

    didn't practice theirs and we have been practicing it for over 70

    years. He volunteered to take bible study with her and get baptized.

    About a month or so ago he would come over and was distant with us.

    When we asked him if something was wrong, or if he was upset with us

    he repeatedly told us that all was OK. Then 2 1/2 weeks before the

    wedding my daughter tells us that he is not getting baptized and that

    he has some problems with a profit that we believe in. When I asked

    her if he has been talking to anyone of a different faith she told me

    that HIS MOM, and then I didn't hear much of anything else she was

    telling me. My blood pressure must have gone through the roof. I

    thought this woman has used her last straw to stop this wedding. As

    with some other religions same

    > goes with ours. The pastor can't marry if there are 2 different

    faiths. So the wedding was postponed indefinitely. The wedding dress

    is done, the hall, flowers, cake, invitation responses were all inn

    etc. But no wedding. My dad flew in from Europe for the wedding.

    Her best friend had her plain tickets and is here visiting.

    >

    > We both have been crying and upset over the whole thing. I feel

    that if it was Gods will she would have been getting married tomorrow.

    But I feel her pain and sadness of what should have happened. I feel

    that he has distend himself a bit from her. Tomorrow he is going to

    spend 2 days at the cottage that was intended for their honeymoon, and

    is going alone. Didn't think of inviting her to join him, not that I

    wanted her to go. I am so sad I just felt I needed to ask for help.

    How do I help her with the pain.

    >

    > Melissa

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    __________________________________________________ ______________________________\

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  3. #3
    herberkids3
    Guest

    Default daughters wedding posponed


    You support her desicons, plain and simple. That's the best way of

    helping her through this right now. Don't critisize his family, because

    that can cause more tension. I realize how hard that might be (I have

    my own problems with in-laws, and the desire to grip is always there),

    but the situation is already tough.



    From a financhial stand point, who paid for what? Who changed the

    wedding date? When was it changed?



    If they do not get back together, you would probably be well within

    your rights to ask for compensation from his family if he was the one

    who called it off and you guys were the ones shouldering the costs. I

    know, it sounds horrible, but quite honestly, I hear about people doing

    this all the time, and going to small claims court even and usually

    winning for half the costs.







    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, M F <milicaf35@...> wrote:

    I am so sad I just felt I needed to ask for help. How do I help her

    with the pain.

    >

    > Melissa










  4. #4
    ozi_nut
    Guest

    Default daughters wedding posponed


    Hi Melissa,



    I am deeply sorry for your daughter. Now as I see it if he was

    wiling to change religions for your daughter then all of a sudden,

    he is changing his mind sounds like he is not interested in getting

    married in the first place he would not have had any persude him that

    he shouldn't get married over one prophit that you worship. don't

    make the ceremony a religous one if they decide to get married again

    make it a civil ceremony. sounds like mummy needs to let go of

    control over her son.



    Shay































    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, M F <milicaf35@...> wrote:

    >

    > Some of you might remember earlier in the year I wanted to give my

    daughter a shower and her future mother-in-law had a fit over the

    date. She also told me that it was tacky for a family member to host

    the shower. She also talked her daughters out of standing up in her

    sons wedding. Then the kids moved the wedding date. She did not like

    March date, it might snow (but all of their families were within 1

    1/2 hrs from the wedding place). The kids didn't have enough time to

    plan the wedding so they changed it to May 29. I thought she would

    be happy. But the problem was she didn't like my daughter. She is

    too young (21) she told me, still in collage. Doesn't drink, smoke

    or has ever done any of it and is an all round a good mature young

    lady. Her son of 27 is still not done with collage and living at

    home with his parents.

    >

    > One of the differences is our religion and his father thought of us

    as colt. The boy fried (now fiancee) had told my daughter from the

    beginning that he wouldn't mind changing to her faith, since they

    didn't practice theirs and we have been practicing it for over 70

    years. He volunteered to take bible study with her and get baptized.

    About a month or so ago he would come over and was distant with us.

    When we asked him if something was wrong, or if he was upset with us

    he repeatedly told us that all was OK. Then 2 1/2 weeks before the

    wedding my daughter tells us that he is not getting baptized and that

    he has some problems with a profit that we believe in. When I asked

    her if he has been talking to anyone of a different faith she told me

    that HIS MOM, and then I didn't hear much of anything else she was

    telling me. My blood pressure must have gone through the roof. I

    thought this woman has used her last straw to stop this wedding. As

    with some other religions same

    > goes with ours. The pastor can't marry if there are 2 different

    faiths. So the wedding was postponed indefinitely. The wedding

    dress is done, the hall, flowers, cake, invitation responses were all

    inn etc. But no wedding. My dad flew in from Europe for the

    wedding. Her best friend had her plain tickets and is here visiting.

    >

    > We both have been crying and upset over the whole thing. I feel

    that if it was Gods will she would have been getting married

    tomorrow. But I feel her pain and sadness of what should have

    happened. I feel that he has distend himself a bit from her.

    Tomorrow he is going to spend 2 days at the cottage that was intended

    for their honeymoon, and is going alone. Didn't think of inviting

    her to join him, not that I wanted her to go. I am so sad I just

    felt I needed to ask for help. How do I help her with the pain.

    >

    > Melissa

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    __________________________________________________ ____________________

    ______________Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's

    > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when.

    > http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/222

    >










  5. #5
    Jennifer Huff
    Guest

    Default daughters wedding posponed


    Oh, Melissa, I am so sorry for your daughter. I agree with you that

    if it was meant to be, she would have been married this weekend. But,

    no matter what you say, the pain will only leave her heart over time.

    Obviously (to those of us looking outside in) if she married this

    man, the MIL was going to make life miserable for her and them. Your

    daughter would continue to have heartache. It sounds like this boy

    needs to stand up to mom or this won't work. I'm sorry I don't have

    any words for you to help you daughter with, but time will help.

    Jennifer








  6. #6
    Julie
    Guest

    Default daughters wedding posponed


    My Mother did the same thing to me, didn't invite anyone from my

    family because she didn't like our March 14th wedding date, it's

    going to snow she said! We didn't listen to her and got married

    anyway, it was the warmest day of the year. We have since been

    married 15 years, when everyone that was against it said that the

    marriage would never last. We were 19 & 20 when we got married, and

    are just as in love now as we were then. I'm thinking that if he

    can't say no to mommy right now, then he never will and she is better

    off without him. That one true love is out there for her, and she

    will get through this. My Dad always says to me that god won't give

    you more then you can handle, and that things like this won't matter

    5 years from now. Hopefully this helps. Let her know that, and it

    might help her to deal with it better.



    Julie Fox



    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, M F <milicaf35@...> wrote:

    >

    > Some of you might remember earlier in the year I wanted to give my

    daughter a shower and her future mother-in-law had a fit over the

    date. She also told me that it was tacky for a family member to host

    the shower. She also talked her daughters out of standing up in her

    sons wedding. Then the kids moved the wedding date. She did not like

    March date, it might snow (but all of their families were within 1

    1/2 hrs from the wedding place). The kids didn't have enough time to

    plan the wedding so they changed it to May 29. I thought she would

    be happy. But the problem was she didn't like my daughter. She is

    too young (21) she told me, still in collage. Doesn't drink, smoke

    or has ever done any of it and is an all round a good mature young

    lady. Her son of 27 is still not done with collage and living at

    home with his parents.

    >

    > One of the differences is our religion and his father thought of us

    as colt. The boy fried (now fiancee) had told my daughter from the

    beginning that he wouldn't mind changing to her faith, since they

    didn't practice theirs and we have been practicing it for over 70

    years. He volunteered to take bible study with her and get baptized.

    About a month or so ago he would come over and was distant with us.

    When we asked him if something was wrong, or if he was upset with us

    he repeatedly told us that all was OK. Then 2 1/2 weeks before the

    wedding my daughter tells us that he is not getting baptized and that

    he has some problems with a profit that we believe in. When I asked

    her if he has been talking to anyone of a different faith she told me

    that HIS MOM, and then I didn't hear much of anything else she was

    telling me. My blood pressure must have gone through the roof. I

    thought this woman has used her last straw to stop this wedding. As

    with some other religions same

    > goes with ours. The pastor can't marry if there are 2 different

    faiths. So the wedding was postponed indefinitely. The wedding

    dress is done, the hall, flowers, cake, invitation responses were all

    inn etc. But no wedding. My dad flew in from Europe for the

    wedding. Her best friend had her plain tickets and is here visiting.

    >

    > We both have been crying and upset over the whole thing. I feel

    that if it was Gods will she would have been getting married

    tomorrow. But I feel her pain and sadness of what should have

    happened. I feel that he has distend himself a bit from her.

    Tomorrow he is going to spend 2 days at the cottage that was intended

    for their honeymoon, and is going alone. Didn't think of inviting

    her to join him, not that I wanted her to go. I am so sad I just

    felt I needed to ask for help. How do I help her with the pain.

    >

    > Melissa

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    >

    __________________________________________________ ____________________

    ______________Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's

    > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when.

    > http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/222

    >










  7. #7
    armstrca
    Guest

    Default daughters wedding posponed


    <DIV dir="ltr" align="left"><SPAN class="278123616-29052007">You don't. Just let her know you are there if she needs anything. She needs to work it out by herself.
    <DIV dir="ltr" align="left"><SPAN class="278123616-29052007">What about her ex-bridesmaids. Can they all take her out for a while in the evening and through part of the night so she can get her mind off of it?







    From: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com [mailto:Budget101_@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of M F
    Sent: Saturday, May 26, 2007 5:29 PM
    To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
    Subject: Budget101.com : daughters wedding posponed<SPAN class="278123616-29052007">
    <SPAN class="278123616-29052007">
    How do I help her with the pain.

    Melissa



  8. #8
    armstrca
    Guest

    Default daughters wedding posponed


    <DIV dir="ltr" align="left"><SPAN class="236225116-29052007">I agree... go for it.







    From: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com [mailto:Budget101_@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of herberkids3
    Sent: Sunday, May 27, 2007 3:30 PM
    To: Budget101_@yahoogroups.com
    Subject: Budget101.com : Re: daughters wedding posponed<SPAN class="236225116-29052007">
    <SPAN class="236225116-29052007">
    If they do not get back together, you would probably be well within your rights to ask for compensation from his family if he was the one who called it off and you guys were the ones shouldering the costs. I know, it sounds horrible, but quite honestly, I hear about people doing this all the time, and going to small claims court even and usually winning for half the costs.



  9. #9
    dnawalker
    Guest

    Default daughters wedding posponed



    <FONT face="Arial Narrow"><<<Practicing our faith is important, therefore marrying through JP is not something she is looking for. She would like a church wedding. Since that happened I find it more common for couples to convert to one religion. With most religions both couples have to be of the same faith to be married in church. Also to some of us religion is important and some it is not. And there is nothing wrong with peoples choice, but with us our faith is important.

    Melissa<<<
    <FONT face="Arial Narrow">
    <FONT face="Arial Narrow">
    <FONT face="Arial Narrow">If that is the case, she should be glad she dodged a bullet with this guy. Seventh Day Adventist are EXTREMELY committed to their faith, and obviously this guy was not fully committed to being a Seventh Day Adventist NOR was he fully committed to being her husband. I know she won't feel likeshe dodged a bulletnow, but it was better to find out about his flakiness BEFORE she made a HUGE mistake with her life.
    <FONT face="Arial Narrow">
    <FONT face="Arial Narrow">If she has a strong faith, she will eventually realize that this DID happen for a good reason and he was not the person for her.
    <FONT face="Arial Narrow">
    <FONT face="Arial Narrow">
    <FONT face="Arial Narrow">April



  10. #10
    Peggy
    Guest

    Default daughters wedding posponed


    I can't agree more strongly! Truly this is a blessing in disguise. I

    know your daughter must be devastated and your heart must be breaking

    for her. Someday you will mend, but for now the pain is very real!!!



    I remember when you posted about the shower -- even then I thought

    how your daughter's future mother-in-law was a lot like mine was --

    very NEGATIVE, meddling and controlling!!! And with a MIL like that

    it can only get WORSE over time!



    As far as the groom is concerned: He sounds very much like the man I

    married. If he would not stand up to his mother before the wedding,

    believe me, he never will. A wife is supposed to be a partner, the

    most important and loved woman in a man's life, and with a man like

    this you would always be taking a back seat to his mother. I know, I

    stayed married for more than 20 years to my husband (because of my

    religion) and I was miserable.



    Now about the issue of your faith: You say his family did not

    practice their faith. THIS IS PURELY MY OPINION -- if they were not

    PRACTICING, then they really did not belong to any religion/faith. To

    me, it's like saying you are a democrat or a republican and you NEVER

    vote...... But like I said, that is purely my own opinion.



    In a marriage, to someone whose faith is important to them, sharing a

    faith, being truly committed to it as well as to each other, living

    it and practicing it together on a daily basis, is a cornerstone of

    marriage, and truly one of the greatest blessings and joys. I speak

    from experience. Being married to someone who does not share your

    faith is a truly sad, lonely, and frustrating situation.



    I also think that if the groom was truly agreeable to converting, he

    would have readily accepted and grasped onto your faith in earnest.

    I think the fact that he had not yet been baptized so close to the

    wedding date bears this out as well. (Although I am sure his family -

    especially mama - influenced him in this area.)



    I AM PRAYING for your daughter that she will be comforted in this

    time of pain, and that she may in time find just the man to marry

    and that her life with him will be happy and fulfilling! I am also

    praying for you that you may also heal and that you may grow even

    closer to your daughter as you are there for her at this time. My

    heart goes out to you both.



    This has been lengthy, but one last note. Weddings are expensive.

    You have put up a lot of money in good faith. You should consult

    with an attorney to see if you can recover at least some of your

    output.



    God bless.......













    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, "dnawalker" <dnawalker1@...> wrote:

    >

    > <<<Practicing our faith is important, therefore marrying through JP

    is not something she is looking for. She would like a church wedding.

    Since that happened I find it more common for couples to convert to

    one religion. With most religions both couples have to be of the same

    faith to be married in church. Also to some of us religion is

    important and some it is not. And there is nothing wrong with peoples

    choice, but with us our faith is important.

    >

    > Melissa<<<

    >

    >

    > If that is the case, she should be glad she dodged a bullet with

    this guy. Seventh Day Adventist are EXTREMELY committed to their

    faith, and obviously this guy was not fully committed to being a

    Seventh Day Adventist NOR was he fully committed to being her

    husband. I know she won't feel like she dodged a bullet now, but it

    was better to find out about his flakiness BEFORE she made a HUGE

    mistake with her life.

    >

    > If she has a strong faith, she will eventually realize that this

    DID happen for a good reason and he was not the person for her.

    >

    >

    > April

    >










 

 

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