Help me!

I just found out that my 17 year old took a lot of money out of his savings account over a week's time. I am so furious that I am beyond words. This child has not deposited a paycheck in two months, so that money plus the money he took out of his savings account is totally unaccounted for. He owes

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Thread: Help me!

  1. #1
    Anggie Thompson
    Guest

    Default Help me!

    I just found out that my 17 year old took a lot of money out of his savings account over a week's time. I am so furious that I am beyond words. This child has not deposited a paycheck in two months, so that money plus the money he took out of his savings account is totally unaccounted for. He owes me for car insurance. We had an issue two weeks ago about the use of the car and we almost sold the car because of his attitude and totally disobeying the "car use" rules. He and I are just alike with our tempers and I tend to yell and get mad at him a lot because he won't follow the rules. I have just moved his savings money (what's left of it)to an account that he does not have access to thru his ATM. I know I can't make him save money or give me his paycheck for me to split it to deposit into savings & checking. He is just like his dad (we're divorced, wonder why?) when it comes to money. You'd think he'd learn my frugal ways, as I do not spend money frivolously. Any tips on how to teach him how to budget?

    I am very concerned because I don't have the money to send him all the way through college and at the rate he's going, he won't have any money to contribute to his education or living expenses. Am I a bad parent if I make him pay for the first year of community college, then if he can do that responsibly, I'll pick up what I can for him to transfer to a university?

    --
    Anggie
    Fight Breast cancer......no one should die from it




  2. #2
    Herlean
    Guest

    Default Help me!

    Helping him pay for college is all well and good. Is his father contributing? You could clearly and calmly explain what you will pay for and what he is expected to pay for and the consequences of not covering those. For example, you could tell him that he has to pay the car insurance, gas for the car and it is only to be used for going to and from work. If insurance is not paid, no driving. Take the bus, walk, ride a bike, but no car. If this is an extra car (not the one you use to get for your primary transport) sell it when he stops paying the insurance, maintanence, oil changes, etc. (Whatever he is supposed to be paying.) Taking his paychecks will not teach him to be responsible, IMO. Herlean

    Anggie Thompson <anggiet@gmail.com> wrote: I just found out that my 17 year old took a lot of money out of his savings account over a week's time. I am so furious that I am beyond words. This child has not deposited a paycheck in two months, so that money plus the money he took out of his savings account is totally unaccounted for. He owes me for car insurance. We had an issue two weeks ago about the use of the car and we almost sold the car because of his attitude and totally disobeying the "car use" rules. He and I are just alike with our tempers and I tend to yell and get mad at him a lot because he won't follow the rules. I have just moved his savings money (what's left of it)to an account that he does not have access to thru his ATM. I know I can't make him save money or give me his paycheck for me to split it to deposit into savings & checking. He is just like his dad (we're divorced, wonder why?) when it comes to
    money. You'd think he'd learn my frugal ways, as I do not spend money frivolously. Any tips on how to teach him how to budget? I am very concerned because I don't have the money to send him all the way through college and at the rate he's going, he won't have any money to contribute to his education or living expenses. Am I a bad parent if I make him pay for the first year of community college, then if he can do that responsibly, I'll pick up what I can for him to transfer to a university? <BR clear="all">
    --
    Anggie
    Fight Breast cancer......no one should die from it


    &#32;
    Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when.


  3. #3
    herberkids3
    Guest

    Default Help me!

    Honestly- he's probably not doing anything horrible with it, but at

    17 likely feels that it's his money, and he'll spend it if he wants.

    It's a normal thing for a teen to go through.



    That aside, at some point- you have to let them flounder in order to

    teach them. It sounds harsh, it goes against what we feel is right,

    but how many teenagers actually do what we, as parents, say, the

    first time we say it, without learning that their way might NOT be

    best?



    Teens are stubborn. While we know that our own mistakes taught us

    how to do things right, and we want to pass that knowledge on, it

    can often lead to more stubbornness- especially in a tempetous

    relationship such as you and your son already have.



    Yelling at him, taking stuff away, and telling him what NOT to do

    only makes them want to do it more.



    While your first gut reaction is to take away money he has in his

    savings, it might just trigger further anger, and widen the gap in

    your relationship.



    It might be best if you and your ex-husband try to talk out a good

    way of dealing with it calmly. Losing your anger with him, yelling

    at him, it isn't making things get through to him, and only causes

    further anger.



    Frugality aside- this is a problem with learning to relate to your

    son, not teaching him how to save his money.



    If he's behind in his insurance, pull the plates from his vehicle

    until he gives you the money to catch it up. If you think he might

    still drive it, take the battery out.



    If he pays up his debt with you, reinstate it. If he continues to

    not pay it, or it gets worse, or he incures further debts, then

    think about selling the car- IF you bought it. If HE bought it, it's

    his property, not yours.



    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, "Anggie Thompson" <anggiet@...>

    wrote:

    >

    > I just found out that my 17 year old took a lot of money out of

    his savings

    > account over a week's time. I am so furious that I am beyond

    words. This

    > child has not deposited a paycheck in two months, so that money

    plus the

    > money he took out of his savings account is totally unaccounted

    for. He owes

    > me for car insurance. We had an issue two weeks ago about the use

    of the car

    > and we almost sold the car because of his attitude and totally

    disobeying

    > the "car use" rules. He and I are just alike with our tempers and

    I tend to

    > yell and get mad at him a lot because he won't follow the rules.

    I have

    > just moved his savings money (what's left of it) to an account

    that he does

    > not have access to thru his ATM. I know I can't make him save

    money or

    > give me his paycheck for me to split it to deposit into savings &

    checking.

    > He is just like his dad (we're divorced, wonder why?) when it

    comes to

    > money. You'd think he'd learn my frugal ways, as I do not spend

    money

    > frivolously. Any tips on how to teach him how to budget?

    > I am very concerned because I don't have the money to send him all

    the way

    > through college and at the rate he's going, he won't have any

    money to

    > contribute to his education or living expenses. Am I a bad parent

    if I make

    > him pay for the first year of community college, then if he can do

    that

    > responsibly, I'll pick up what I can for him to transfer to a

    university?

    >

    > --

    > Anggie

    > Fight Breast cancer......no one should die from it

    >










  4. #4
    Yolonda
    Guest

    Default Help me!




    What explanation did your son give for
    removing the money? If it is his money, I would let him learn the lesson
    that when it runs out there just isn’t anymore there. Don’t
    bail him out or front him a loan. If he owes car insurance, I would make
    the car sit until it’s paid for. Driving is a privilege, not a
    right (contrary to what most teens think!). And selling the car might be
    a good idea if it’s causing problems. Rather a mad kid than an
    irresponsible adult one day <font size="2" color="navy" face="Wingdings">10.0pt;font-family:Wingdings;color:navy;">J As for college – I think making kids pay for the first
    year is a great idea. It makes them understand that education is costly
    but highly rewarding. I was a straight A student in high school and got a
    scholarship to a community college in my hometown; I figured I was “grown”
    since I had graduated so I slept in and went to classes when I felt like
    it. I lost my scholarship after the first semester and then took my
    education much more seriously. Yes, I had to pay my way after that –
    but since I was paying for it, I made better choices and decisions.

    Good luck! Yolonda












    I just found out that my 17 year old took a lot of money out of his
    savings account over a week's time. I am so furious that I am beyond words.
    This child has not deposited a paycheck in two months, so that money plus the
    money he took out of his savings account is totally unaccounted for. He owes me
    for car insurance. We had an issue two weeks ago about the use of the car and
    we almost sold the car because of his attitude and totally disobeying the
    "car use" rules. He and I are just alike with our tempers and I tend
    to yell and get mad at him a lot because he won't follow the rules.
    I have just moved his savings money (what's left of it)to an account that
    he does not have access to thru his ATM. I know I can't make him
    save money or give me his paycheck for me to split it to deposit into savings
    & checking. He is just like his dad (we're divorced, wonder why?) when it
    comes to money. You'd think he'd learn my frugal ways, as I do not spend money
    frivolously. Any tips on how to teach him how to budget?



    I am very concerned because I don't have the money to send him all the
    way through college and at the rate he's going, he won't have any money to
    contribute to his education or living expenses. Am I a bad parent if I
    make him pay for the first year of community college, then if he can do that
    responsibly, I'll pick up what I can for him to transfer to a university?
    --

    Anggie












  5. #5
    Yolonda
    Guest

    Default Help me!




    What explanation did your son give for
    removing the money? If it is his money, I would let him learn the lesson
    that when it runs out there just isn’t anymore there. Don’t
    bail him out or front him a loan. If he owes car insurance, I would make
    the car sit until it’s paid for. Driving is a privilege, not a
    right (contrary to what most teens think!). And selling the car might be
    a good idea if it’s causing problems. Rather a mad kid than an
    irresponsible adult one day <font size="2" color="navy" face="Wingdings">10.0pt;font-family:Wingdings;color:navy;">J As for college – I think making kids pay for the first
    year is a great idea. It makes them understand that education is costly
    but highly rewarding. I was a straight A student in high school and got a
    scholarship to a community college in my hometown; I figured I was “grown”
    since I had graduated so I slept in and went to classes when I felt like
    it. I lost my scholarship after the first semester and then took my
    education much more seriously. Yes, I had to pay my way after that –
    but since I was paying for it, I made better choices and decisions.

    Good luck! Yolonda












    I just found out that my 17 year old took a lot of money out of his
    savings account over a week's time. I am so furious that I am beyond words.
    This child has not deposited a paycheck in two months, so that money plus the
    money he took out of his savings account is totally unaccounted for. He owes me
    for car insurance. We had an issue two weeks ago about the use of the car and
    we almost sold the car because of his attitude and totally disobeying the
    "car use" rules. He and I are just alike with our tempers and I tend
    to yell and get mad at him a lot because he won't follow the rules.
    I have just moved his savings money (what's left of it)to an account that
    he does not have access to thru his ATM. I know I can't make him
    save money or give me his paycheck for me to split it to deposit into savings
    & checking. He is just like his dad (we're divorced, wonder why?) when it
    comes to money. You'd think he'd learn my frugal ways, as I do not spend money
    frivolously. Any tips on how to teach him how to budget?



    I am very concerned because I don't have the money to send him all the
    way through college and at the rate he's going, he won't have any money to
    contribute to his education or living expenses. Am I a bad parent if I
    make him pay for the first year of community college, then if he can do that
    responsibly, I'll pick up what I can for him to transfer to a university?
    --

    Anggie












  6. #6
    Yolonda
    Guest

    Default Help me!




    What explanation did your son give for
    removing the money? If it is his money, I would let him learn the lesson
    that when it runs out there just isn’t anymore there. Don’t
    bail him out or front him a loan. If he owes car insurance, I would make
    the car sit until it’s paid for. Driving is a privilege, not a
    right (contrary to what most teens think!). And selling the car might be
    a good idea if it’s causing problems. Rather a mad kid than an
    irresponsible adult one day <font size="2" color="navy" face="Wingdings">10.0pt;font-family:Wingdings;color:navy;">J As for college – I think making kids pay for the first
    year is a great idea. It makes them understand that education is costly
    but highly rewarding. I was a straight A student in high school and got a
    scholarship to a community college in my hometown; I figured I was “grown”
    since I had graduated so I slept in and went to classes when I felt like
    it. I lost my scholarship after the first semester and then took my
    education much more seriously. Yes, I had to pay my way after that –
    but since I was paying for it, I made better choices and decisions.

    Good luck! Yolonda












    I just found out that my 17 year old took a lot of money out of his
    savings account over a week's time. I am so furious that I am beyond words.
    This child has not deposited a paycheck in two months, so that money plus the
    money he took out of his savings account is totally unaccounted for. He owes me
    for car insurance. We had an issue two weeks ago about the use of the car and
    we almost sold the car because of his attitude and totally disobeying the
    "car use" rules. He and I are just alike with our tempers and I tend
    to yell and get mad at him a lot because he won't follow the rules.
    I have just moved his savings money (what's left of it)to an account that
    he does not have access to thru his ATM. I know I can't make him
    save money or give me his paycheck for me to split it to deposit into savings
    & checking. He is just like his dad (we're divorced, wonder why?) when it
    comes to money. You'd think he'd learn my frugal ways, as I do not spend money
    frivolously. Any tips on how to teach him how to budget?



    I am very concerned because I don't have the money to send him all the
    way through college and at the rate he's going, he won't have any money to
    contribute to his education or living expenses. Am I a bad parent if I
    make him pay for the first year of community college, then if he can do that
    responsibly, I'll pick up what I can for him to transfer to a university?
    --

    Anggie












  7. #7
    Dusty Counts
    Guest

    Default Help me!

    We have 4 children. They MUST help with their higher education or there will be no higher education.

    Our 20 year old pays all his own expenses except books and tuition. He lives in a house with a roommate. He works two jobs and goes to school. He has a 3.25 GPA. He was never the world's greatest student until college. We strongly encouraged him to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He decided that he wants to be a firefighter, did the research and found that he would make more money and have more opportunities for advancement with a college degree. He is currently at community college with plans to transfer to a 4 year university after getting a 2 year degree.

    Our 19 year old wanted to cut hair. We paid his tuition to barber college. He pays all his other expenses, including car insurance and cell phone. If he didn't pay car insurance regularly we would drop him from our
    policy. He knows this. We've never really discussed it much. If I had to drive him to school and work I would somehow.

    Some people believe in sending your child to college PERIOD. We haven't followed that path. I paid for my college education as did my husband. Our idea is to HELP THEM but they must want to help themselves. It's been pretty stress free actually. We talked about how this would work all through their high school years so it wasn't a surprise to them when they became college age. The same thing will happen with their two younger siblings.

    If they would yell at me that would end the conversation and close my checkbook. However, I am more of an adult than they are so if conversations start to become a little heated I exit the conversation until a later time. I just haven't allowed things to escalate.
    Dusty in NC

    Anggie Thompson
    <anggiet@gmail.com>
    wrote: I just found out that my 17 year old took a lot of money out of his savings account over a week's time. I am so furious that I am beyond words. This child has not deposited a paycheck in two months, so that money plus the money he took out of his savings account is totally unaccounted for. He owes me for car insurance. We had an issue two weeks ago about the use of the car and we almost sold the car because of his attitude and totally disobeying the "car use" rules. He and I are just alike with our tempers and
    I tend to yell and get mad at him a lot because he won't follow the rules. I have just moved his savings money (what's left of it)to an account that he does not have access to thru his ATM. I know I can't make him save money or give me his paycheck for me to split it to deposit into savings & checking. He is just like his dad (we're divorced, wonder why?) when it comes to money. You'd think he'd learn my frugal ways, as I do not spend money frivolously. Any tips on how to teach him how to budget? I am very concerned because I don't have the money to send him all the way through college and at the rate he's going, he won't have any money to contribute to his education or living expenses. Am I a bad parent if I make him pay for the first year of community college, then if he can do that responsibly, I'll pick up what I can for him to transfer to a university?
    --
    Anggie
    Fight Breast
    cancer......no one should die from it [/quote]


    &#32;
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  8. #8
    Cheryl Espedal
    Guest

    Default Help Me!




    It seems to me if you had stipulated that he pay for car insurance and he doesn't, the car should be sold. And there is nothing wrong about going to a community college. I did for two years and transferred with no problems to a state university. No one ever asks where one went to college, they only ask where did one graduate.

    It's tough for a mother to raise a son by herself. Hang in there.


    Cheryl






 

 
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