Help for a friend

I have a relatively new friend (our daughters just started playing with each other in Kindergarden this year) who just called to tell me she spent the day yesterday in court. Her husband dragged her out of the house by her neck and was attacking her. Fortunately the kids were sleeping.

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  1. #1
    Jennifer Huff
    Guest

    Default Help for a friend

    I have a relatively new friend (our daughters just started playing

    with each other in Kindergarden this year) who just called to tell me

    she spent the day yesterday in court. Her husband dragged her out of

    the house by her neck and was attacking her. Fortunately the kids

    were sleeping. The neighbors called the cops. She did manage to get a

    year long restraining order against him. But now this mom of 4 (kids

    are 5, 4, 2.5 and 1.5) must live on her own. The court could only

    prove that the husband makes $500 per week-he works for his uncle and

    makes at least double that but under the table-so she will only get

    $350 per week to support 5 people! Has anyone else run into this. I

    think (but haven't said anything to her yet) that she should tell him

    that he needs to cough up more money or she will call the IRS. Or

    will this land her into trouble too as she is still married to the

    jerk? We live in the NorthEast and I'm sure the rent at her place is

    easily $1500 per month. She doesn't have a degree so she would never

    make enough money per hour as she would have 3 kids in daycare! I

    want to help, but don't know what to do. Any suggestions are helpful.

    I know abuse happens, I've just never known anyone it has happened

    to. Thanks.

    Jennifer






  2. #2
    Pandora
    Guest

    Default Help for a friend

    o The court could only

    > prove that the husband makes $500 per week-he works for his uncle and

    > makes at least double that but under the table-so she will only get

    > $350 per week to support 5 people! Has anyone else run into this. I

    > think (but haven't said anything to her yet) that she should tell him

    > that he needs to cough up more money or she will call the IRS. Or

    > will this land her into trouble too as she is still married to the

    > jerk? We live in the NorthEast and I'm sure the rent at her place is

    > easily $1500 per month.

    > Jennifer

    >



    I think that her calling the IRS would get her in trouble because she

    is still married to him. Usually the only way for a spouse to get out

    of IRS trouble due to the other spouse is to file a form saying he/she

    knew nothing about the wrong doing of the spouse. If she calls, the

    IRS will know that she knew all along about this under the table bit.

    If in that case the best case senario would be paying back taxes

    (verusu prison time), then even in a divorce she could be required to

    pay half of the debt. My husband and his ex were supposed to split the

    IRS bill they had. She never worked so it was all taxes owed on his

    income, but she was still responsible for half. Their case was just

    that they did not have enough taxes taken out and did not have the

    money to pay it by April 15 of whatever year.



    Pandora








  3. #3
    maryellenb1967
    Guest

    Default Help for a friend

    Help her go to the local state dept of human services to get help

    with food stamps and medical insurance. Look up food pantries in

    your area and contact your church for local agencies that help single

    moms. I went broke when my ex walked and the shame of needing almost

    kept me from getting the help I needed. Just provided as much

    emotional support as possible.

    Mary Ellen







    --- In Budget101_@yahoogroups.com, Jennifer Huff <gjhuff44@...> wrote:

    >

    > I have a relatively new friend (our daughters just started playing

    > with each other in Kindergarden this year) who just called to tell

    me

    > she spent the day yesterday in court. Her husband dragged her out

    of

    > the house by her neck and was attacking her. Fortunately the kids

    > were sleeping. The neighbors called the cops. She did manage to get

    a

    > year long restraining order against him. But now this mom of 4

    (kids

    > are 5, 4, 2.5 and 1.5) must live on her own. The court could only

    > prove that the husband makes $500 per week-he works for his uncle

    and

    > makes at least double that but under the table-so she will only

    get

    > $350 per week to support 5 people! Has anyone else run into this.

    I

    > think (but haven't said anything to her yet) that she should tell

    him

    > that he needs to cough up more money or she will call the IRS. Or

    > will this land her into trouble too as she is still married to the

    > jerk? We live in the NorthEast and I'm sure the rent at her place

    is

    > easily $1500 per month. She doesn't have a degree so she would

    never

    > make enough money per hour as she would have 3 kids in daycare! I

    > want to help, but don't know what to do. Any suggestions are

    helpful.

    > I know abuse happens, I've just never known anyone it has happened

    > to. Thanks.

    > Jennifer

    >










  4. #4
    Tea
    Guest

    Default Help for a friend

    Jennifer Huff wrote:



    I

    have

    a

    relatively

    new

    friend

    Her

    husband

    dragged

    her

    out of

    the

    house

    by

    her

    neck

    and

    was

    attacking

    her.

    I

    want

    to

    help,

    but

    don't

    know

    what

    to

    do.

    Any

    suggestions

    are

    helpful.



    I

    know

    abuse

    happens,

    I've

    just

    never

    known


    anyone

    it

    has

    happened



    to.

    Thanks.

    Jennifer



    >



    Hi Jennifer,

    Your friend is in my thoughts and prayers. I think, the one thing your

    friend needs more then anything, is someone to listen and not judge.

    Statistically, it is probably not the first time and odds are she may go






  5. #5
    Frances Chavez
    Guest

    Default Help for a friend



    <font size="3" color="blue" face="Arial">
    12.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue;">Actually she could file a form called “Injured
    Spouse” which states that the income/tax is his not hers – his income
    therefore his tax liability. It works. You need to have her speak to a CPA who
    specializes in IRS matters – they can usually explain it all at a FREE
    Consultation
    <font size="3" color="blue" face="Arial">
    12.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue;">

    <font size="3" color="blue" face="Comic Sans MS">12.0pt;font-family:"Comic Sans MS";color:blue;">Frances<font color="blue"><span style="color:blue;">
    <font size="3" color="blue" face="Comic Sans MS">12.0pt;font-family:"Comic Sans MS";color:blue;">*Blessed Garden
    Loving SAHM*
    <font color="blue"><span style="color:blue;">
    <font size="3" color="blue" face="Comic Sans MS">12.0pt;font-family:"Comic Sans MS";color:blue;">*Proud LEO Wife*





  6. #6
    Casey
    Guest

    Default Help for a friend

    She needs to look in the yellow pages under social service organizations and start calling all of them. They will be able to help with food, clothes, sometimes utility bills and car repairs if necessary. She should also call any local vocational colleges or universities and ask if they have programs for displaced homemakers. Many have programs to help you get a skill or degree so you can become self-supporting. If her husband is at all threatening, she needs to leave the area. Contact the local Safe Homes or Women's Shelter and ask for assistance. They will give her and her children a place to stay, move them to another town if the threats are there, get them set into an apartment, help finding employment and child care, and counceling. There's lots of help available, she just has to make it known she needs it. The shame and fear hold most of us back, but you just have to get over it and go forward in life. The
    first steps are the hardest, but become easier when you realize there really are people out there willing to help and give you support. Just be a friend, and listen alot and make the calls for her if necessary. I will pray for all concerned. Casey


  7. #7
    T.
    Guest

    Default Help for a friend

    Hi Jennifer,

    Your friend is in my thoughts and prayers. I think, the one thing

    your friend needs more then anything, is someone to listen and not

    judge. Statistically, it is probably not the first time and odds are

    she may go back to him, even now.... I know from personal experience.

    My abuse was 20 years ago. In the short 3 months we were married

    together ( it took me longer to get the divorce then we were actually

    together) I was beaten 3 times and held at gun point once. In the

    year of dating there was no abuse what so ever. Even in my situation

    where the abuse was so extreme (one doctor in the E.R. actually

    thought I had been hit by a bus - I was black & blue from head to toe)

    and the short marriage, it was hard to get away and there were no

    children involved (even though I was scared to death that I might be

    pregnant). The most dangerous time for the woman is when they have

    left. It is a terrifying time. I felt like a failure. The system

    was difficult, to say the least. Judges who thought I wasn't serious

    because I didn't have an attorney at the time. Once I did get an

    attorney, the shear expense of it was staggering. I was actually told

    that my dear husband could come after me for support because I

    wouldn't risk a beating by waking him up to go to work, so he stopped

    working and I paid all the bills..... His attorney who called me at

    work to ask if I really believed that my husband deserved to spend 2

    years in prison for 'my marital problems' ( I replied that he should

    spend at least 2 years in prison, because he tried to kill me....)



    The good news is that you get through it, you survive and you become a

    stronger person for it. I won a lifetime injunction for protection

    against my husband. (but truthfully it is just a piece of paper, he

    violated it numerous times, the thing, in my case, that finally put an

    end to it, I told him that if he ever came near me again, I would blow

    his f-ing brains out, and I meant it. I had bought a gun and I was

    willing and able to use it). He was sentence to 2 years in the

    Florida state prison. He served 7 months and 9 days of that sentence

    (he was a good boy in prison, no one to beat on) He wrote me

    constantly from prison, the letters went anywhere from I love you and

    can't live without you, to, you are the f-ing reason I am in here. I

    received phone calls from other inmates: Mrs. ------, we are glad we

    found you,Steve and me will be out soon. My unlisted phone number and

    address was on the prison files because if he escaped I would be

    contacted immediately and he got a copy of that somehow. Abusers are

    very resourceful. After he was released from prison, he stalked me. I

    ended up leaving state and severing ties with everyone there. I

    finally learned tolove and trust again. I have been with my boyfriend

    for 15 years, we do not live together and we are not married, but this

    is what works for me. I survived because I had some good close

    friends who listened and cried with me, without judging the stages of

    anger, grief and loss that I went through.. I would not wish that

    experience on my worst enemy. Again, your friend and her children are

    in my thoughts and prayers.








  8. #8
    Chris Drake
    Guest

    Default Help for a friend

    I can't help because I live in Canada.Maybe she can find a cheaper

    apartment,somewhere;sounds like she is living in a higher end

    apartment.;cheaper ones here are about $700 plus per month.Here,the

    support is paid through the courts and they go to jail if they don't pay

    as long as everything is done legally.I hope the local government can

    help your friend.






 

 
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