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2009 . . . Year of Change and Victory

A Letter to a Younger Me

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Dear Michelle,

Life is going to bring many ups and downs...some of which you will not be ready to face and will feel like it is the end of the world. However, if you stick through them, I am writing from the other side to let you know they will work out just fine. You will be in a place that if I began to tell you about it you would laugh before you stop reading this because you would be in utter disbelief. No I don't do drugs. In fact, I don't smoke or drink either. Well, an occasional mudslide or two but that it is it. I don't smoke, I try not to curse as much (something I am seriously working on), and I am actually an overall good person. You are probably shaking your head in total disbelief because you can't imagine that happening, but it is all true.

I write to you in the midst of a trial you will face in the coming years. It is something you did not expect to face at this time in your life, but I want to assure you that it is all perfect timing. In the midst of this storm, blessing is pouring out over your life in ways even I do not yet understand. When I first sat down to write this, I thought I would tell you of the many things you should and should not do in your life...but then I look around at what I have accomplished and I realize...I would change a thing. I am who I am because of the trials and hardships I have faced. I am who I am because of the decisions I have made. So keep pressing forward. On those nights when you feel you have nothing to live for, keep yours open for the reasons. Always look within yourself and remember who you are. One day you will again find that person.

Until then, I am rooting for you.
~Shell

I was listening to Brad Paisley's "Letter to Me" or something to that effect and it got me thinking. As I listened to that song, I was playing on the floor with Ali. We were "sharing" and she was really getting it. Smiling at me, handing me the lego, looking at me just right if I held on to it too long, putting her hand out to let me know that I it was my turn to share. And I thought, why am I sad? Why am I even the least bit concerned with the fact that I am (going to be) a single mom of two amazing girls? Why am I even the least bit concerned about being alone? Gosh, Ali has another 13 years before she is a teenager...by then I will be fixing all sorts of things and probably built an addition on the house I will be so good at this Ms. Fix It stuff! I really can't say that I regret the last decade of my life. While it was not the best choice, it blessed me with this amazing little girl and I can't regret that. I really can't. She is the light of my world, more than I even know right now. She makes me work harder, smarter, and better. She makes me want to live to see another day and conquer the world. She makes me want to see my dreams come true. She makes me me. I am so happy I was blessed with her before this ended. At first, I thought differently because I did not, and still don't, think it is good for a daughter not to have a father. And Carlos won't be there for her. I assure you of that. But you know what, she will be okay. I stand on that now. Somehow it will all work out. I wish I really did have a letter from an older me to tell me for certain but then what would faith be? So it is with faith that I press forward, enjoying every moment that I have with just me and my girls! One day I won't be so lucky and I don't want to regret that they are grown and I don't have great memories.

Have a wonderful night.

~Shell

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Comments

  1. Janice Terrell's Avatar
    What a beautiful letter. Years down the line, when the girls read this, I know it will be a loved and cherished memory for them. Seems to me yor have things on the right track. Good luck and all my best wishes.
  2. Tarrien's Avatar
    I think that's almost how most people's lives go, a lot of ups and downs. Things that if we knew would happen in few years we wouldn't be able to believe it. And those few things that we thought we'd regret turning out to be one of the better blessings.
  3. JoAnn's Avatar
    What awonderful letter, you have shared with all of us. You certainly sound like you are on the right roads of life. You really have a beautiful way of writing here. Hope to talk with you soon. And hold that head high...
  4. tsgal's Avatar
    That is a beautiful letter that you wrote Shell. Keep a copy of this to look back on. In a few years you will read this and see how far you have come, and see the changes in your life.
  5. ShellVera777's Avatar
    Thanks, ladies! How encouraging! Each day I am learning more and more. It is really great to finally be in tune with myself again instead of always beating myself up for what I am living and how I am letting myself down! I like this "new" me and "new" way of life. I wouldn't have believed you if you told me I would say that six months ago!
  6. incheck4real's Avatar
    Shell, This was sooo lovely and well written. I think that besides of having a future in fixing things you may have a future in writing !!! I LOVED IT !!! I know you will make it through and the best part is that you know it too !!! I will be praying for you !!!

    Mandy