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brchbell

Can't seem to ever get ahead anymore

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I feel like giving up. No matter what we do, we can't seem to get ahead this last year. DH went through several months of cancer treatments that had us staying away from home for weeks on end. Everything at home sort of went to pot and it took me working 18 hour days once we were hoe again to fix the mess. Family and neighbors took care of life stock but my huge garden was a mess. Thankfully I got it all taken care of and harvested & cleaned out all the beds before the hard freeze. Our baby girl go married last weekend and that went well but it of course cost us. It went very well and they will return home tomorrow from their honeymoon. We put off paying property taxes with everything going on and the big cash flow going out. We thought we could use our tax refund to pay it but the next big shock was there is no tax refund this year. We are on a fixed income and have been for 3 years. We've received around $2,000 each year in a tax refund. So yesterday DH set down to do our taxes only to discover this year with no changes we suddenly owe $2,600 instead of getting anything back. It may take us a good while to crawl out of this mess. In the mean time we have discussed sub dividing our property and selling out and moving to a small town in a warmer climate. Now the kids (adults) are all distressed and screaming like crazy because Mom & Dad are selling off the family farm and totally moving out of the area. I don't know which mess is worse but we've already started listing things to sell. DH can't walk any more so no use to stay here with our miles of trails over our hills and around the lake. The cold has been eating him alive. I think it's time to get rid of animals and all our junk and move on. I'd rather spend my time quilting and working on a small garden and reading good books then dealing with this farm. The kids live to far away to work the farm and none of them want to work it so I feel it's time to sell out and move on. Hopefully the kids will get over losing their vacation paradise and let us leave in peace.

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  1. mommymakeup's Avatar
    I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Is it possible to ask for help from your adult children. If they are concerned with you leaving this would be the perfect chance to band together and help you guys out. I would gather anything sellable and have a huge yard or garage sale. Advertise it on the garage sale listing on Craigslist and your local paper (they usually allow you to list for free ). I would also have a tax professional (unless your Dh is on) review the taxes, ( Most reputable companies will do so for free) often times there is something that was missed. Does DH have AFLAC? They can often reimburse for some expenses while being out and about due to treatments. There is always hope. Don't leave unless you have exhausted any and all viable options,
  2. bamo72's Avatar
    Oh my. You have to do what is best for you and DH right now. I know when my dad passed, my brothers had ideas on what my Mom would be doing, and she told them she is a grown woman. The time has come to take care of you and yours. Yes, the kids will get over it, and realize down the road you did the right thing. I will have you in my prayers---Hope it gets better
  3. wilbe95's Avatar
    You have accomplished so much brchbell! You have just been experiencing too many major life events in the past few months. It is normally for you to feel overwhelmed by it all. Take your time on making a decision about selling your home. The kids will support you no matter what decision you make your children will support you. Right now it is just a shock to think that the home they have known might not be there as that safety net for them. You will make the decision that is right for you and your husband when the time is right. hugs
  4. Liss's Avatar
    Hey hon, With all that you've done and that you and your family have been through with various illnesses, fighting cancer, odd allergies, etc, it's time that you take care of yourselves and do for yourselves whatever will make your lives less stressful. Farms are so much work and although your kids might be disappointed at first, in the long run, I think they'll see that it's more important for their parents to be happy and be able to enjoy everything they've worked their entire lives for.

    Congratulations to your baby girl, (where does the time go?!)

    Hugs, Liss
  5. dunderwood's Avatar
    I undestand how you are feeling. My sister and I live together, she got a divorce after 32 years of marriage (not her choice, her husband left for an 18 year old),and my beloved husband died almost 20 years now. I miss him everyday, so count you blessings that your husband is still with you. I understand your children being upset that you may want to move away, but you have raised them, and now it is time to take care of yourselves. They will understand in the long run of things. You have to do what is important to you and what is best for your lives now. I understand how cancer can take a toll on one's life, I have been through it myself, I had endrometral cancer at a 3C rating. there wasn't much hope for my survival, but I did survive and beat it. If a change in location is what is best for you and your husband, that is what you need to do. Right now it is important that you reduce as much stress as possible on you and your husband. Stess leads to cancer winning and you losing the battle. A farm is just too challenging when life throws you a curve ball. Stand up and do what is right for you and your husband! Bright Blessings and prayers your way.
  6. KimCM's Avatar
    I"m so sorry you are going thru such a tough time. I don't know if this will help at all, but living out in a rural area and on a farm may make you eligible for some help.It maybe to late, but I know there are government grants thru the Dept of Agriculture. I don't know that from living in Missouri but from people in Illinois that take full advantage of whatever this program is. Please believe me when I say these people do not need the help, they laugh at the fact that it is available to them. I wish I still were in touch with these people but it was though my father in law, who has since passed 3 years ago, but I do know they just signed the bill again not more than 1 month ago. Maybe your United Way could give you more information about this. At least it may give you some room to breath and not be so rushed. Prayers-Kim
  7. angelwhispers4's Avatar
    I have had to make a few tough decisions in the past 3 years and at times stuff seems to come at us in whirlwinds and always when we are already stressed to the max! You need some time to be able to take a deep breath and clear your mind before making any decisions.....but when you do make a decision it is important (and this was my hardest thing to do) to remember once the kids move out if they are not willing to help you keep things up then they cannot have a voice in your decision. This was such a very hard thing to do as my 3 adult kids can be VERY vocal about things but at the end of the day I am the one having to deal with the problems they no longer are effected by. But ALWAYS before making any huge decisions make sure you can make that decision with your mind clear, which is better said than done but to make a decision while all this is coming at you can effect the rest of your life and not just the immediate future. Personally I believe in prayer while I have friends it is more meditation they do but both tend to help clear the mind as long as you find a quiet place somewhere away from distractions to do so. I do hope and pray this all gets better for you very soon!!! Be patient though, life tends to work it all out but it often feels like your drowning while waiting for it to happen. Just grab a deep breath anytime life gives you even the smallest of breaks to keep you going through to the end of your trial. It has taken 3 years for me to finally see the light at the end of my tunnel and I often wanted to just give up and crawl in a hole somewhere, but I am finally seeing that light and you will too, just hang in there!!! And the most important thing I have learned over the past 3 years....there is always a positive in life you can focus on....there is never a time in our lives we do not have something good we can focus on....the good just often gets put in a dark shadow of our despair over the bad things. Find those positives and try to keep them in the forefront of your mind rather than buried. It helps a lot!!!.

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