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People Really Suck

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Due to circumstances out of my immediate control I'm having to sell one of my horses. I mistakenly thought craigslist would be effective for such a sale, so I listed the horse online. It's a gorgeous buckskin mare, she's not just a few years old, registered and is gentle and smart. She's been part of my family for several years.

Fast forward to the first moron that answers my online ad. It's 9 pm on a Sunday night and a lady calls inquiring as to whether I still have the horse. I answer that I do and then she proceeds to tell me that she and her husband are leaving for the bahamas in the morning and she was just curious if the horse was still available.

Seriously? Seriously?? You call my house after 9 pm on a Sunday night to tell me that you're going to the Bahamas? Screw you man. Next Moron please.

So, less than 8 minutes later ANOTHER person calls, this time a young guy who clearly knows little to nothing about horses. After a bit of prodding (i'd have gotten further if I could've use a Cattle Prod!), I deduce that he's trying to find a horse for his wife, she wants a BIG horse. Well, that's not a problem, my horse is nearly 17 hands, she's massive, a bit TOO big for my liking, to be honest.
He has a few basic questions, asks NONE of the important questions- you know, things like, has she ever coliced or foundered, is she current on shots, does she have a negative coggins, what are her vices? Shit like that!
No, he wants to know what color she is, how old she is and that's about it. After dealing with the dolt for several minutes he finally says that he's going to discuss it with his wife and call me back. Fine, 20 minutes later the damn phone rings AGAIN.
Now it's the Wife- (why didn't she just call in the first place, I mean She IS the one that WANTS the horse!), she wants to know when she can come see the horse. So I tell them they can come any morning or late afternoon, just pick a day and time that suits them. So they state they'd come tomorrow, which would be Monday. Finally, I unplug the damn phone from the wall, it's a major pet peeve of mine to have people call my house after 9pm. Just plain rude, man.

Fast forward to today, I have it in my head that it's going to be a (rather ditzy) chic in her early to mid 20's with no actual knowledge of horses and an overbearing young husband of maybe 27 -29, tops. No such luck... Tahoe pulls up and half a dozen rednecks jump out, along with one 20-something fashionable young chic, The potential Horse Shopper. An older fella, presumably in his 50's strolls on by me like I'm not even there. I introduce myself to each of them, stopping the man in his tracks and motion to the barn and pasture where the horses are lazily grazing at their leisure.

I start asking questions that any responsible horse seller would want to know, "Do you have other horses?", Do you have experience with horses? Is this your first horse? Who is your vet? (I'll be damned if I'm going to sell one of my animals to someone who doesn't even have a Vet for their existing animals!) What size pasture do you have, what do you have for shelter on your property?

From our 5 minute discussion I learn that the horse will "probably hang out" at a friends house until they can set something up on their property and the girl who "wants" a horse has never actually ridden before. This is not only her first horse, but also her first time On a horse. Oh boy.

I walk to the fence, call my girl by name and out of the 6 animals in the pasture, she comes trotting over on cue on the left hand side of the barn. I slip a halter on her head and tell her "Meet me at the gate girl". Damned be all, that horse trotted to the other side of the barn and I opened the gate & let her out, without a lead.
She trots past the horse shopper and the guy starts freaking out- "Someone catch her, surround her, etc". I said, "She's fine, come'ere girl" and she comes right over. I start telling them about her, her age, her bloodlines (did I mention she's registered and off 2 Grand champions in her bloodline??). He walks over and tries to pick up her front foot, which she happens to be putting all of her weight on as she's extending her neck out to sniff at the freaky cowgirl chic they brought alone.

He's like "oh, she won't lift her feet, she's headstrong". I walked over to her, put my hand on her shoulder and asked her to step back. Once her weight was off the foot I tapped her hoof and she lifted her foot. I told him that she can't lift a foot while it's bearing all her weight. He scoffs at me. He asked if she can be ridden. I said yes, would you like to ride her english or western and the cowgirl piped up western.
Now, before I go any further, let me explain this cowgirl chic so you can get a full picture, she's got size 1 jeans on, has long brown hair, a cowgirl hat, cowboy boots with 6 inch long spurs that looked like it could give constantine wire a run for its money and was chewing & spitting tobacco.

I grab a western saddle out of my tack shop, grab a bridle and tack her up. Then the guy says, "I want to see you ride her". Hey dumbass, what part of, "I'm selling the horse because I cant ride due to a back injury" didn't you get?? Apparently, ALL of it. So I tell him again, any of you are more than welcome to ride, she is dead broke. So Cowgirl is ready to take a whack at it, & wants to know if my horse is going to freak when she spurs her. I tell her if she wants to ride, she can remove the spurs, they aren't necessary, and with reluctance, she does.

She climbs on and starts jumping around in the saddle like she's got a raging case of hemmorhoids and can't sit still. The man starts running his mouth like he knows something about horses and I'm chatting with the potential horse buyer, and look up just in time to see crazy cowgirl Yanking the ever living shit out of the reins and my horse wild eyed standing in one stop like she's thinking "WTF is wrong with this crazy Bitch?!".

I said, "whoa, what are you doing? What are you trying to do?" She said, "I wanted her to back up". I said, "Did you tell her too?" , I looked at my horse and said, "Grace, Back" and she steps back. I explain to cowgirl, she understands basic verbal commands, "back, walk, trot, run, whoa". You should use them when cuing her with your legs. So a minute later I look over and she's kicking the ever living shit out of my horse trying to make her walk. I mean feet out of the stirrups, jamming them repeatedly into the horses sides, pulling back on the reins like she's trying to get a motorcycle into a wheelies and I hollered out "grace trot" and she took off like a shot and cowgirl nearly went flying; her scrawny ass flopping all over the place as she grappled at the saddle horn to regain her seat.

At this point I am boiling mad, ready to kick some ass and take names, if you know what I mean. Cowgirl attempts to ride her for a few more minutes, with absolutely No control over the horse whatsoever, so I call her (the horse) over to me. I unsaddle her, remove her bridle and call her to the gate, all without a lead and let her back into the pasture. She's happy to be away from the freak and I'm livid at their treatment of her.
The guy then informs me that he doesn't think the horse is right for the girl who wants one, Bingo man, it's the only damn thing we agree on since the moment we met!
Finally they're heading back to their car to leave and I'm busying myself taking care of the saddle & dishing out their sweet feed before heading up to the house. I don't know how many more of these yahoos I can deal with without snapping someones neck.

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  1. Candace's Avatar
    Oh My Gosh, that sounds really frustrating for you and your poor horse! I think I would have asked them to just leave. Sometimes people are so cruel to animals and they don't even realize it. I don't think spurs are nessassary either it seems abusive to the horse. Maybe if you dont ride anymore you could have your husband or kids ride her so that they can see how she moves/trots.
  2. happy0349's Avatar
    The Author Of "People Really Suck" Blog needs a little southern hospitality lessons. Calling someone a Redneck, Moron and using vulgar language does not impress me.
    Updated 06-17-2012 at 10:07 PM by happy0349
  3. AngryLioness's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by happy0349
    The Author Of "People Really Suck" Blog needs a little southern hospitality lessons. Calling someone a Redneck, Moron and using vulgar language does not impress me.
    Well, Bless your heart, isn't that a rather precocious point of view. I'm not interested in impressing you darling. Nor am I interested in having driveling dip sucking/spitting, spur wearing uneducated fools bumbling around on my animals for an afternoon of cheap fun because they don't have the means or brains to own their own animals.
    If you don't like my blog honey, don't read it.

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